Hey @maceytomlin. I only came upon your feed yesterday and I'm very glad that I followed you.
Immediately your post caught me and resonated with my view of the world. I too have noticed huge chasms in the level of cognitive intelligence and emotional intelligence. Some of the smartest people I've worked with have had the emotional intelligence of an infant. In my experience, the system tolerates this; partly because not as much weight is placed on this type of development, partly because very smart people are often hard to replace in an organisation and so they are retained, despite the damage the cause to the social infrastructure. It also reminds me of my father, an intellectually competent man with a penchant for hissy-fits. My mother too is a conditional love giver. It took almost all of my adult life to identify that the love of my mother was immediately switched off as soon as I took a step outside of the operating parameters she set as a narcissist... something you've written about recently too.
It was sad to hear that you'd recently gone through that difficult experience with the seemingly special man. I think your actions were appropriate. I've met with great success later in life by completely shutting out bad influences on my life. No half measures, no on-going drains and compromising of standards, negative people are shut out. Done. No discussion. My emotional resources are too precious to waste on any other course of action. Your calm and considered message to him was not only mature, but powerful also! Sometimes a considered word from a person hurt has more impact that all the ranting and screaming under the sun. People are desensitized to that; not so much to the words and actions of the considered thinker.
Thank you so much for the upvote and reply! I really resonate with what you are saying, and it's true. I am much more scared of a person who stays calm than of a person who is upset and yelling.
Unconditional love is a beautiful and marvelous thing... and we don't actually know what it is till we experience it. We can read and hear stories... but till we're in the middle of it, we don't know.
You were totally betrayed, and righteous anger is totally a right and just response. But even in relationships of unconditional love there is still anger... but it's just a reminder that something is "wrong," not a destructive force.
I remember a friend describing unconditional love as "an opening." It seems like a remarkably accurate description.
maybe one day i will feel this unconditional love towards my ex-partners. when i think of them, i mostly think good stuff. but when, putting myself in the middle of the situation once again, i start feeling all this resentments. so i find it very easy to be in peace with myself, when i am alone, but not with them around. the wound is still there.
as for the anger, i am working on that. i didn't find a way to make peace with it, to accept it, to transform it. it is there and it is very strong. and actually i am quite worried about it, as i push it to my kid unconsciously.
Hey @maceytomlin. I only came upon your feed yesterday and I'm very glad that I followed you.
Immediately your post caught me and resonated with my view of the world. I too have noticed huge chasms in the level of cognitive intelligence and emotional intelligence. Some of the smartest people I've worked with have had the emotional intelligence of an infant. In my experience, the system tolerates this; partly because not as much weight is placed on this type of development, partly because very smart people are often hard to replace in an organisation and so they are retained, despite the damage the cause to the social infrastructure. It also reminds me of my father, an intellectually competent man with a penchant for hissy-fits. My mother too is a conditional love giver. It took almost all of my adult life to identify that the love of my mother was immediately switched off as soon as I took a step outside of the operating parameters she set as a narcissist... something you've written about recently too.
It was sad to hear that you'd recently gone through that difficult experience with the seemingly special man. I think your actions were appropriate. I've met with great success later in life by completely shutting out bad influences on my life. No half measures, no on-going drains and compromising of standards, negative people are shut out. Done. No discussion. My emotional resources are too precious to waste on any other course of action. Your calm and considered message to him was not only mature, but powerful also! Sometimes a considered word from a person hurt has more impact that all the ranting and screaming under the sun. People are desensitized to that; not so much to the words and actions of the considered thinker.
Thanks for the interesting read.
Thank you so much for the upvote and reply! I really resonate with what you are saying, and it's true. I am much more scared of a person who stays calm than of a person who is upset and yelling.
Unconditional love is a beautiful and marvelous thing... and we don't actually know what it is till we experience it. We can read and hear stories... but till we're in the middle of it, we don't know.
You were totally betrayed, and righteous anger is totally a right and just response. But even in relationships of unconditional love there is still anger... but it's just a reminder that something is "wrong," not a destructive force.
I remember a friend describing unconditional love as "an opening." It seems like a remarkably accurate description.
maybe one day i will feel this unconditional love towards my ex-partners. when i think of them, i mostly think good stuff. but when, putting myself in the middle of the situation once again, i start feeling all this resentments. so i find it very easy to be in peace with myself, when i am alone, but not with them around. the wound is still there.
as for the anger, i am working on that. i didn't find a way to make peace with it, to accept it, to transform it. it is there and it is very strong. and actually i am quite worried about it, as i push it to my kid unconsciously.