I've never lost a spouse or a parent, and my guess is that I would react similarly in those circumstances. When it's too close, not letting the feelings in must be a kind of self preservation. The sense that if you allowed yourself to feel it, it would take you down too. A good friend of mine lost his father, and their relationship had been difficult, and I never saw him grieve. Not like he did with his mother.
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Yes I went through the same with my parents. When my mother died, I fell apart for a couple days and now I miss her terribly. My Dad, who went second, hardly a blip, not because I didn't love him, but because it was complicated and the grieving is a more tortuous process. The family dynamic shifted big time too, so we have to also deal with that.