Oh I have the opposite problem with this death. I haven't let the feelings in at all. This week I learned (that tarot card reading helped a lot) that I'm carrying a very heavy sorrow, but I don't even think of him on the date. I remember thinking "Hm. July 25 seems significant, but what could it be?" for real. None of my kids thought of it until the day after either. Mostly I don't know how to handle the grieving process for them. It was a complicated marriage and a complicated death and I am at a loss as to how to process it. For others who have passed I have been different. It seems the more clearly I loved them, the easier it is to grieve. The
You are viewing a single comment's thread from:
I've never lost a spouse or a parent, and my guess is that I would react similarly in those circumstances. When it's too close, not letting the feelings in must be a kind of self preservation. The sense that if you allowed yourself to feel it, it would take you down too. A good friend of mine lost his father, and their relationship had been difficult, and I never saw him grieve. Not like he did with his mother.
Posted using Partiko Android
Yes I went through the same with my parents. When my mother died, I fell apart for a couple days and now I miss her terribly. My Dad, who went second, hardly a blip, not because I didn't love him, but because it was complicated and the grieving is a more tortuous process. The family dynamic shifted big time too, so we have to also deal with that.
Clocks and calendars (and commitments) - it took decades for me to figure it out, but one reason I don't remember dates is because November 28, Julie went missing, and March 18, she was found dead, but I quite capable of writing these dates on a letter or in a checkbook without thinking this is the day--or waking in the morning, glancing at the newspaper date, and not thinking of it. Or, I used to be. Since 2015, that started changing. The 40-year anniversary became the 44th. I dread the 50-years-cold case. Anyway, the date on the calendar came to mean nothing to me, and unfortunately, I overlook everyone's birthdays now, in part because I attach no significance to my own, or anyone else's. Just a date on a calendar. My motto is to be nice to people every day. Send a card or email or token gift if you think o the person no matter what the date. Ignore Hallmark occasions that guilt-trip us into buying cards and useless trinkets to show you care. I care. I care about a lot of people, and I show it in my own way, on my own time. For Julie, about all I've accomplished is the planting of purple flowers to keep her favorite color on view from April to October. In the grand scheme of things it signifies nothing; she is six feet under and not at all likely to be viewing those she left behind; if there's an afterlife, she's off having a helluva good time in the stars. Somewhere. Somehow. I don't blame her for not looking back. (So many people "sense" their lost loved ones watching over them. I do not.) Sorry - this is longer than a five-minute freewrite! *Thinking of you and not gonna mail a card to prove it. (A pity: I love the story of the man who founded the Hallmark greeting card industry!)
I want to be as good a friend to you as you are to me.
Or something like that.
We can send our own heartfelt messages on steem, but I'll try not to rip of old Mr JC (Hall) when I do it anymore.
You the best, woman.
Awww! Sad to say, your opinion of me puts you in a very tiny minority. :)
I'm a curmudgeon!
Opinionated, annoying, and worse.
But I love you to bits!!!!!!
Then steem brings out your best.
People like you bring out my best.
You can actually find a lot of cut-throat drama on Steemit, if you don't make it a point to run from it as fast as you can. I'm happy to say I've seen none of it at @Freewritehouse! If there's a flare up, it's gone before I catch even a whiff.
Thanks for being here!!!
Aha. I did blog about him here!
New Years cards if you guiltily failed to send Christmas greetings