Anhedonia!

in #freewrite3 years ago

What’s up, @hiveio? I’m feeling compelled to write this evening. I tend to think of my blog posts here on our blockchain as projects. I edit photos in groups of three or four, then do a little commentary about the shoot, and, boom, I can publish. This one isn’t like that at all. It’ll be a freewrite of sorts. I’ve just been thinking about life, and this year. Where it’s going and where we’ve been. When quarantines began, it was clear this was going to be an inescapable reality, so I when in to survival mode, triaging the things me and my family needed.

@caffetto closed, along with every business in Minneapolis. To those that don’t live here, it sounds like I’m talking about a coffee shop, but it’s not. It’s a community. @caffetto is as close to an anarchist haven, comprised of the social outliers of a rebellious city. Punks, hippies, drug addicts, homeless, immigrants, old people, kids, dogs and cats. Everyone is welcome. There are only a few rules, and if they’re not followed, the community handles it. I’ve personally thrown a few people out of the building for disrespecting this sacred space.

Just a few weeks ago, @caffetto reopened for the first time since May. The only reason it did reopen is because the community raised $11K to get the owner by until there was a stimulus relief bill. I recently did a freewrite about how it felt too early to be there again. I mentioned that I felt like I was trying to hold on to a life that had already passed. In the last week, I’ve been there almost every day. At first, I was the only person in the room for the two hour time limit, but as it’s getting colder here in Minneapolis, the coffee shop is beginning to fill up.

I’m not an anxious person, and I tend to worry about the current, rather than the potential catastrophees. I have been having weird dreams, though. I had a dream that I tested positive for COVID-19, and was totally asymptotic. Nothing. But, the fact that I had it was enough to get @caffetto shut down again, for good. I felt so much guilt. With that dream haunting me, I’m seeing these surges. I don’t buy in to much of the narrative [from either side], but I do know for a fact that if @caffetto does shut down again, that’s it.

I won’t get in to a fist fight over someone not wearing a mask, and personally, I hate having to play Magic: The Gathering with @tarotbyfergus while wearing one, but, I do it to give our little corner community a fighting chance. I get stressed out when I see people dropping their masks for a full hour, wiping their nose and then plugging in their phones. I’m far from a germaphobe […my friend Zeke and I used to raid the McDonald’s dumpsters and eat cheeseburgers, so…], but given the situation, I’m becoming more and more afraid that my worst fears are an inevitability.

My first night back at @caffetto, I used my new 2020 iPad Pro’s LIDAR scanner to scan some of the inside space. I wanted to test it out, but subconsciously, I chose @caffetto because I wanted to make the scan while I still could. It’s just one of the many ways 2020 has traumatized us for the rest of our lives. Remember our grandparents with basements full of preserves because they survived the Depression? That’ll be us, but it’ll be a psychological certainty that the things and people we love won’t last.

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Hang in there man. I hope to play pinball in the Caffetto basement, something I never got around to checking out.

Thanks, @pfunk. Yeah. That’s a right of passage that I do hope you’re able to experience. I feel like a loved one is life support and every day I’m bracing for the news.

Also, I do think a lot of this is the weather reminding me that winter is here. I don’t get seasonal effective disorder, but after spending this entire year in my house under quarantine, it’s really starting to feel like there’s no end in sight.

Keep your vitamin D levels up at least. There's still a lot to do outside when it's over 0 degrees, not that I ever bothered, ha. I have some snowshoes I got a decade ago still unused. I think they might be put to use this year though.

It's been such a tough year watching all of these businesses close down, one-by-one. We have a corner bar here in our neighborhood that we would hang out in a few times a week and made/met so many friends there throughout the years. This summer we tried the patio once but all of the regulars were gone. I miss that kind of socializing so much....striking up deep conversations with strangers and casual acquaintances.

These colder months are going to be a real challenge. I think you're right, it's bound to leave a mark on us like the Great Depression did to our grandparent's generation. Hang in there my friend!

Well done and have a grate day friend

Ugh, I wish I had a community space like that - I'm so sorry that yours is threatened. I hope they manage to pull through.

I hope that this place is able to stay open and thrive should things take a turn of the worse again. I was able to visit my parents for the first time in a while the other day and it was really nice to see them. I was still very careful about how close I got to them and how much stuff I touched. Just in case...

These times are hard for everybody, mostly on an emotional level. My best wishes for this place, I hope it will survive these harsh times

It warms my heart to see your lil haven up and running again and ewww to the boogery people who take off their masks lol