October 31st is Honor Lord Vader Day (What are you doing the other 364 days of your year?)

lordvader (69)in #funny • 6 years ago (edited)

Greetings loyal followers.

My executive assistant Vera, who should never hide her perfection by disguising herself as anyone else, has informed me that across your planet, October 31st is deemed "Honor Lord Vader" day.

Why it is only one day is beyond me, but at least it is a start.

I have acquired quite a few data cards chronicling your inhabitants' attempts to honor me. It seems that some of you truly understand what it takes to pay homage to the most powerful being in any galaxy. Unfortunately others of you are completely clueless.

Here are some examples of the correct way to honor me.

What is the only thing better than one Lord Vader?

Multiple Lord Vaders!!!!!!!

This one of me taking candy from a youngling is especially authentic.

This one was so realistic that this cat creature was convinced it was really me.

You're welcome Mr. Imposter.

Although I always assumed that your men wanted to be me while your women wanted to be with me, it appears that several of your female inhabitants want to do both.

I was especially impressed by the authenticity involved in this attempt. The removable hands are a very nice touch. (Get it?)

This one would have been an excellent homage... if my worshiper had remembered to obtain the services of a refresher droid or had taken into account the need to expel liquid waste while in the costume.

The next step down from these attempts all came at the paws of your "lower" lifeforms (although not by much).

This one looks ready to rule all other canines with an iron paw.

This creature did an admiral job of capturing my regalness. It looks far more dignified and qualified than many of your planet's actual rulers.

And then there is this...

I find this foolish thing's attempt at combining an Emperor costume with my own quite insulting. If you find this monstrosity, do not attempt to apprehend it. Leave that to me.

Because your planet is inhabited mainly by utter morons, the vast majority of the attempts to impersonate me were utterly ridiculous.

Many of you appear to fail to comprehend the reason I wear my armor. Let me remind you...

And your people whine when a teacher takes away your smart phone.

Although my armor looks super freaking cool, I wear it for medical purposes. It covers my entire body for a reason. Therefore any attempt to pay homage to me should take that into account.

For that reason, all of the following are completely unacceptable and incredibly insulting.

How would you expect me to breathe with that giant section of my armor removed? In addition, with those two giant things attached to my chest, I could not lie prone. The weight of those would crush my lungs and render me unable to breath.

Not only does this one suffer from the same problems as above, there is no helmet! I kind of need that to breathe you idiots!

You saw my legs in that picture above correct? Oh wait. No you didn't. I don't have any freaking legs! So why would I have them exposed? I wouldn't you fools!

Actually there is nothing wrong at all with this one. Carry on.

This one is flat out insulting. No sleeves? A laughable blaster? It is as if all-grown-up Peter Brady and Elsa the Ice Queen have never even seen me before. I suggest someone educate them before I have to.

Ummm. Ummm. I don't even know where to begin. Do you think I wear electronic underwear? What good does it do to carry one's helmet. Never mind. You people are hopeless.

Finally there is the group of you who think it is funny to openly mock me and my greatness.

I am not one of your pilgrims or nuns. I would advise you not to depict me as one.

Perhaps this inhabitant has difficulty with depth perception and spacial awareness. It is almost as if he is attempting to lampoon me with these miscalculations of my size and that of my helmet. Then again, perhaps he is just a moron.

What the Hell is this? Seriously. I do not know. If any of my loyal followers can explain this one, please leave that explanation in the comments to this transmission.

Your people are not completely without hope. There was one inhabitant who chose to honor me and show his admiration with a nearly flawless imitation of me (and according to your philosophers "imitation is the sincerest form of flattery").

This human really nailed it...