I'm moving on. But not just yet. I want to soak up the last moments in this beautiful house. I'm still wearing my jammies. Feeling home for the last time. A part of me feels happy to move on to the next challenge and another part of me feels sad to leave something dear behind. Feeling grateful thinking about all the lessons I learned throughout the last three months. Realizing that the universe always provides not only what I need, but responds to my wishes with remarkable accuracy.
It was in the middle of July. I had to conclude that a social experiment I started with two young lads was bound to fail. It was supposed to be a bootcamp for young guys with a lot of potential who, however, still seemed to be missing the discipline, clarity and integrity to put their dreams into reality. It didn't end well. In fact it ended in a disaster. They had left the shared apartment in shambles after I told them that there were too many violations of the principles I hold so dearly, namely honesty and integrity. Besides I had already made so many exceptions. I lost my own integrity.
All the times I paid the rent myself saying: "But next time, you pay the rent, ok? I rely on you!" I had completely self-sacrificed. Besides I ran out of resources. I wanted to show them that I believe in them so much. In order to demonstrate my willingness I was even ready to spend all my resources on them. And I did. I remember saying: "I spent days and weeks in complete darkness meditating with hardly a drop of water! I don't need anything! But you guys better wake up!" It didn't shake them up. I had to admit defeat. And I learned the most important lessons. Firstly, judge people not by their words, but by their actions, always! Secondly, don't accept the violation of your highest principles. Thirdly, take the appropriate measures once the principles are violated.
So I found myself in an uncomfortable situation. At age 31 I was close to moving back to my mother's which so wouldn't have been a good idea. So I called up a friend and asked her if she had a place to offer for a very low budget. I mean a very low budget. I mean zero. As it turned out, she was just involved in a real-estate project and was looking for ways to find tenants for a six-bedroom house with terrace, wintergarden and all of the beautiful things you can imagine. We agreed on the following: I help her with the house and in return I get to stay there until tenants were found for all the rooms. Thank you, universe!
The house, once completely empty, is now fully furnished and tenants are moving in. I feel proud having been part of this project. Well, actually, it's a business now. And I'm grateful for the time I spent here. The sun shining right into my bed room. Doing yoga in the morning on the terrace. Being able to jump around and sing out loud in a house that for some time I had all by myself.
Now I found myself in a situation that' just too familiar. One challenge accomplished, one chapter done. Ready to move on to the next one. There are still so many amazing places to discover. So many amazing people to meet. So much beauty to be witnessed and to be created. I'm ready to remove my jammies. A little happy, a little sad.
Picture source: https://pixabay.com/en/dolomites-mountains-lake-bergsee-2902597/
Wonderful! That's a good lesson for you. In your intention to convert others, you have gone too far and instead of only expecting your roommates to do as much as you could see, you wanted to show them how mature you already are and how they should be just like you. HaHa! I had a similar episode. My roommate at the time never paid the phone bills, lived like a pig and didn't get much involved in cleaning up and cooking. When I told her what I thought, she said I was not her mother. Finally, since I didn't know, the landlord contacted me and made me liable to recourse for the missing two monthly rents that were outstanding. Then she begged me to go to him with her and explain the situation. Which I did, but the decision had been made for me. I called her an energy vampire in a later short story and my brother and I laughed a lot at my foolishness in forming a flat-sharing community with her when I already knew how much trouble she was having in her old shared flat. I moved out as fast as I could - even before she did - and have never seen her again since.
It is refreshing that you talk about it so openly and that you see your own foolishness. I smile with you.
After all, this anger has brought you something good and since you never know whether an anger will be replaced by a pleasant thing, any unnecessary grief is probably a bit of wasted energy. But we are human beings, aren't we?
It's good that you've enjoyed your time and I can well empathize with being sad and curious about the future at the same time.
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