About the haiku. The fourth one encounters my favor. Words are simple as they should be and I like the sense of absence stressed by the concepts of hollow and chasm. I would have liked a kigo too, especially considering a seasonal photo like that of @calluna.
About the story: I liked the tenderness between Ashley and Saddie. It talks to me a lot about your kind nature. The story is cryptic, challenging and plenty of hard lexicon choices. This is an adventure between friends, with cute homey scenes and action. Are you sure that such a style is fit for this fable-like genre? Try this: take a friend, make him sit and read this story to him/her/they with loud voice. Pay a lot of attention to the reactions, both verbal and non verbal. Then tell me his/her/their feedback.
UwU ~ Thanks for reading and thanks for the compliments!~
I realized it a bit too late as well, but I decided to not change a thing now.
Well here’s the thing, I actually conducted that survey with at least six different acquaintances that knows I am a writer (@calluna is not on this list, she’s a regular reader). Of the six: three were proles, one in college and two both proles and in college. Of the three proles (one of them being @oniichan who actually taken creative writing class): they all liked it even after I told them to read it again critically, they said they had to read slower than usual but sure beaten the shit they had to read to stay not bored. In particular one noted my mastery in writing (he was a college drop out, mainly due to political atmosphere). @oniichan took creative class and found it pretty good, she told me so on the commute. The third other, communist friend, loved it because it beaten the tabloids he had to read. On the college kidderino: she mainly had a problem with the fact that it was an easier read than per usual; yet she liked something that wasn’t her usual stuff she had to read (she’s studying biology). On the prole college kids: they two mainly had a problem with but didn’t complain that they had to read this story ar a slower pace than my usual stories. One further delineated that it just it had to do with spending time to enjoy the imagery; other that they were reading another story for college in completely different genre and had to remind themself to not confuse the two stories. Yet that’s it for people really.
Okay, I'm glad that you did this exercise. I try to do It too and it's important since writing is all about communication. Sometimes I prefer to write not so differently from how I speak, as long as the content is there. Words are just a medium for content, in the end. I'm also glad that you didn't take my observation bad, you know that for me sincerity is the best way to honor someone's effort.
You guys are both so much braver than me, asking your real life friends for critical feedback, jeez I find confessing that I write for fun scary!!!
*human beings ;)
Have a lot of respect for both you guys and, the guts you both have to seek out feedback and take it on board instead of getting upset like I do haha <3<3
Hah, the most embarrassing moments come from haiku more than from prose. People simply don't understand this poetry.. but I've also to add that when a haiku is well crafted (those rare times, happened to me not more than three times so far) they appreciate. Cal, don't be so shy to proclaim your passion for writing to the world!
I fall flat on my face far too often to say anything that might convince people to watch that ;)
Wahhh cmon! What does John say?
Normally something about bears haha
Slurrrppp!
Well I write how I wish to jester in a court and communicate cleanly if I wish to drive my dialectic-rhetoric home, so sorry for my individual-being being a splitting contradiction (much like some authors) :p