I'm editing, so I'll put the original version here below. Dirge was a perfect monosyllabic world: a lot of meaning for such short sound. I want it scarier tho. Thanks for your comment buddy.
Fall, crawling dusk -
through the bare hall's mantelpiece
the wind's dirge
No, it becomes now incoherent. I am against it ;-) pls forgive me. Besides, it was so good to have thought of both dirge and @dirge
Hahah well it's totally different I agree. Incoherent I wouldn't say.. actually it's two diff haikus. The first is more haiku than the second but not really. I wanted it scarier :-)
You had a real good thing in the first place.
😎
Smh 😂