But this time, I've realized that there is something I can do to help myself and my family.
And I'm going to do it for my boys. I'm going to stop smoking for one thing. It's bad for me, my voice, and it's bad for my boys to live around it. I've been having some horrible chest pains and finally went to the doctor. They think that I have a blood clot in my lung, and I'm currently going through a bunch of tests to see what is going on. But I've been through this whole process before and those experiences have taught me to be very skeptical of doctors. I've never been given a straight answer from any doctor I've seen through the years and they usually leave you with one huge ass bill and tons more questions. So I'm not hopeful on getting any answers on this one either. And the way it's looking so far, I'm proving myself right.
(Picture credit: @jasonrussell)
It's a frustrating cycle and I'm not too happy about it. You see, my husband and I are just on the cusp of being able to get help with health insurance, and having 3 out of 4 family members with pre-existing conditions does not make the insurance cheap at all, so we just can't get any. So it's a burden in itself to even dream of going to the doctor, let alone have multiple, super expensive tests done. But no matter what happens with the tests and doctors, I have decided that I can help my family be healthier, by being healthier myself. We have already started eating better, less process things and low carb sides to go with dinner. And even though we are a pretty active family, I want us to be more active together. And stick to my guns this time... Summer is coming and it's going to be full of outside activities as much as I can fit in our schedule!
I hope that showing my boys that a healthy lifestyle is important to have now at their age and beyond, and that it's a good way to help keep them healthy when they are my age. Not only did I smoke and drink like a sailor but I was also horrible at drinking water... It was either tea and coffee or booze. I started drinking more water about a month ago, and have also pushed that on my teenager since he likes to drink nothing but soda (which grandma gives him because we have never bought soda for our house). And even though we are active, we can be so much more active.
I also want to show them that you can do what you need to do in order to become healthier. Show them that I can stop smoking and that I am doing this for everyone's health because I care for them. I knew the bad side of smoking growing up, and also had two parents that smoked. I used to hate it when they had poker parties and the house would fill up with smoke. And yet I chose to start doing it anyway as a teenager. I've talked to my oldest son about it before, and never really could come up with an explanation on why I even started. Something to do I suppose... But I always told him that it was something I regret doing to this day. And now I'm going to show them that I can quit. And that although I have to deal with the consequences of my actions, I really hope that they learn from it and continue to be as healthy as they can be! I've been thinking about doing this for a while, and this new medical issue is just the push I needed to take this important step. And I also want all of you amazing Steemians to know that you can do it too! Although it isn't a 100% for sure way of not having medical issues when you get older, it is a great way to stay on top of those issues and make sure that you don't suffer the same consequences or worse, than others already have. We can learn and grow from others mistakes and make the right choices for ourselves! So here is to a healthier us!
Thanks for looking and hope to see you again soon!
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Thank you so much for this!
First of all, my heart goes out to you for having a teenager. I know, they're the worst. (Joking.)
Secondly, I have so much to say about the health issues and lack of options. That truly is difficult. It's fucked up - the way things are, honestly. My heart goes out to you because I can definitely relate. I've had various health issues of my own, been going through one for about the last three years, and honestly getting tired, exhausted at this point. After a while it feels like you can divide up years of your life by what issue you were battling at the time.
And what's the best way to face it all? I think it's an issue of mind over matter. I think about it every day and I struggle to stick with that mindset every day. But it's the best way to handle things, imo. Otherwise, what if you never truly heal or what if there's no real cure and then you look back and have lost years of your life feeling miserable, like a victim, depressed? The best way to win even if you can't beat the sickness/disease, is to live in spite of it the best that you can. And it can be so hard sometimes. I feel like I'm up and then I'm down. Sometimes I'm better than other times, but I haven't given up yet. What's important is to not give up.
And one commonality I've seen in people who've had to fight health battles, is they've grown from it. It gives you perspective. It teaches you lessons in empathy. You're probably scared and maybe even in pain right now, but the best thing you could think to do was to write this and try to encourage others. This stuff teaches you just how fleeting life is and just how easily good health can be lost if we don't look after it. I wouldn't wish it on anyone, but it creates some real gems of human beings once they've come out the other side. Some never do. For some it's a lifetime struggle. The other side, that place of relief is death. But there's so much wisdom in trying as best you can to find the bright side while we're still here and living. I really do appreciate the encouragement. And I wish you all the best in whatever you have to face. Unfortunately, I get it. I've been there too, all too many times.
That is so damn true! It took me a long time to realize that about my Epilepsy as well... I was head strong and was going to find out why it was happening and put myself through it all just to figure it out and find answers. Even when I had multiple people telling me to just deal with the hard days and be grateful for the good ones, and leave it at that. Because in the end I was no closer to an answer but I had completely exhausted my body and mind by running after something that wasn't there... So I'm trying to tell myself this time that whatever happens, happens and not to let myself do that again. And that even though rising again and again after my bad days is hard, the hard work is worth it because there are good days too.
I think that watching my dad fight cancer for over two years, when the doctors said he wouldn't live 6 weeks taught me the same thing, but from a different point of view. He refused any kind of treatment for his cancer, and was strong in the face of dying. He told me once that we all die, no one is getting out alive. And that no matter the pain you have when you wake up, just be happy that you woke up for another day. Never take that for granted. And it's so true. I feel a little stronger now that I seen him face that so bravely. It really brought it around full circle, ya know?
Yeah, time has given you that perspective.
I think we put so much trust in doctors to diagnose us, which a lot of the time, they can't even accomplish while trying their hardest. And then we demand they hand us a cure. And sometimes it's just not there to be given. There might be relief at best, but not promised to be consistent. The point is, we're not promised or guaranteed anything. And I think medical knowledge is far lesser than what we'd like to believe. It's far greater too, but has its limits. I've seen it. With relatives who have, and currently are, fighting cancer. The truth of it is that every single one of us, if we live long enough, will reach that time where there's nothing a doctor can honestly do to help.
That's why the power of mental strength is so important. It's all we've got. If your mind is shot - then you're fucked. We're taught all our lives there's someone there to save us if it gets too bad, and I know this is controversial to say, but I've seen too much suffering to call that anything but complete and utter bullshit. It's simply untrue. We're on our own. From the moment of birth till the day we die, that's the way it is. The only thing we can ultimately control is our perspective on things. It makes me angry. It makes me sad. It makes me scared. But at the end of the day, I replace all that with thankfulness that I'm even here at all.
And there's such beauty in dying, especially for those who've had children. There's a point where we all expire. It's a time to be done. It's a time to rest, most truly. And if you've had children biologically or even things you've built and put your heart into, you can look to them and pass the baton and let yourself pass on in some sort of peace. We look at dying like it's such an ugly thing, but in the face of all the suffering in life, I really think it's a mercy. It's all about perspective.
I truly believe that as well. And instead of death being something we are scared of, it should be looked at as more of another adventure. The next step in our journey. As for the medical side... people think that with so much growth in our technology and learning that everything has been figured out. Or that it at least should be, and I knew from the beginning that we only know a very little amount about the brain, so I just gave up on figuring out why and leaned toward the 'just deal with it' phase. That's why I told my family that if this test doesn't show anything, I'm not going back for more. I'll just learn what helps to ease the pain and go from there. What else can I do? I don't have insurance and I'm just putting my family further in debt for no answers... It's a hard thing to accept but in another way, it's something that must be done. If there are no answers to find, then there's no point in all the tests.
I understand that perspective completely. I've had to make the same judgement call myself at times. They'll let a bill keep accumulating debt on top of you if you don't know when to say you've had enough. And the brain is definitely something that we don't know nearly enough about. That'll change, and it is, but I know about where the limits are right now. And especially if you don't have the money to pay. There's a whole 'nother kind of hell for people who do have the money, but either way it's hard having to deal with medical issues no matter who you are.
It sure is! I try to help the Epilepsy community out by doing studies and things like that but there isn't much going on around here for that. Most are in California or New York so I can't really help much, but I do what I can to help further the study!
Let's do it my love!
Quitting smoking is a great start. I have had so many battles with it throughout my life, and this go 'round I am so over it. You can do it! You will feel so much better!
Im with you on doctors. It seems like they just hand you pills and it rarely seems to work out. Have you looked into holistic medicine? May not solve all your problems but if you can steer clear of pharma as much as possible you will be better off.
I applaud you in choosing a better lifestyle and setting a great example for your kids. You got this ☺
Thank you! I can't wait to feel better... And I'm going to be stern about not taking any pharma because I went through that when I was diagnosed with Epilepsy. I went from 2 pills a day to 19 pills a day in less than 2 years... No more. That shit is so hard on my body and did more harm than good. No pill I took ever helped and it almost gave me cancer from dissolving in my throat. Fuck that.