Back in December, when I first started to really get Steemin' along, I decided to share a series of posts I'd written for my WordPress blog (much to the delight of Steemit's cuddly kitty bot), detailing my breast cancer scare saga that began in July 2017. I then posted a breakdown of my body’s breakdown, detailing my ongoing mystery ailment (followed by February's the somewhat NSFW entry, Paging Doctor Gregory House! Is there a Dr House in the house?).
For weeks, I've been whining talking about my mystery illness, threatening promising to share a huge update on every bit of minutia that's happened over the past few months. But then I thought - if a picture is worth a thousand words, and my posts tend to run in the one million range, maybe a short video would be more efficient.
And since being in front of a camera, let alone a video camera, is waaaay out of my comfort zone (even when I'm feeling good), I decided to tag this with @topkpop's #nocomfortzone challenge (so glad I bookmarked it back when @thekittygirl did hers back a couple months ago!).
So, a little bit of backstory - after the cancer scare (and related surgical procedures), my body has been doing weird things. A slight tremor in my right leg spread to my right hand, then increased in intensity and reach. At the same time, I had varying amounts of full body pain - at one point, I described it as feeling like my body was slowly imploding. The chest pain was so bad at one point in October, I headed to the ER, thinking it was a heart attack. If it weren't for all the subsequent tests showing my heart is fine, I'd probably have headed there again at least a half dozen times since.
To add insult to injury, I've gained over 40lbs/3stone since August (a couple of months after I started taking an anti-depressant). While I've never been skinny, I've also never been tall, and having that much extra on my 5 foot 3 inch frame is also causing its own issues. While I stopped taking the med at the beginning of March, my weight only recently stopped climbing, and now I'm hoping it will start to come off (I had a similar situation back in the early 00s when I was on meds for my postpartum depression/anxiety).
As for a diagnosis, after about a BAZILLION tests and medical visits, all we know is that they're pretty sure it's not Lupus, Multiple Sclerosis, or Parkinson's disease. My next visit will be with a rheumatologist, but instead of going to someone local, my PC is sending me back down to the Lahey Clinic. At my appointment this past Friday, she said (which was both terrifying and reassuring) something to the effect of, "if I send you to anyone around here, they're just going to say it's obviously Fibromyalgia, and treat it as such. On the off chance it's something different, I want you to be seen by a team who will explore all the possibilities."
Okay, enough stalling (and so much for not using a million words...LOL!). Here's a wicked short video my hubby took of me yesterday. It's actually the second take, because he stopped recording the first time when I started talking - he thought I was talking to him, thinking he'd stopped recording...LOL. Silly man - like I could go without talking for more than 10 seconds at a time!
Yes, I'm wearing my pjs, because the aforementioned weight gain means that most of my clothes don't fit anymore. And I swear I'm not fishing for compliments when I say this - I'm just stating a fact. I don't look like me. I'm puffy, pale (even more so than usual), and overweight. The zombie-like shuffle step is the result of a combo of leg pain and shaking. But at least I still have my sense of humor! 😜
And as I alluded to in the video, this is a moderate amount of shaking - the day before it was much worse (to the extent that people were staring at me in the grocery store), and today it's a bit better. I'm hoping I can follow this up in a few months with a short video showing how much I've improved after we finally figure out what's going on.
Oh, and before anyone asks - yes, I'm exercising, eating better than I ever have (other than my pregnancies), drinking tons of water, and taking supplements. I've also had some success with CBD oil and Kratom in lessening/stopping the pain and shaking. Now it's up to my body to realize that I'm doing everything right, and it needs to start behaving! 😜
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Wow, I had no idea you were going through all this shit!
I am so sorry and I applaud your willingness to share it with all of us. As everyone has stated, it's amazing and awesome that you can keep your sense of humor through it all.
Sending you lots of hugs & love!
In Peace, Love, and Health ~ T
Aww, thanks so much, @tamala! I've found great support in this community when sharing my other strange-but-true medical issues (I have a running joke with my PC now that when something happens, I tell her, "At least it will make a great blog entry - LOL), so thank you in return for your hugs & love!
My dear Traci - I have no idea where to start. To be so open, so honest, so out-there. You have an amazing ability to push aside the negative vibes and the guts to put it al out there for understanding... and I cannot tell you how much I admire you this very moment.
It is so unfortunate that you are going through this and my wish, my prayers are that they will be able to pinpoint what is causing or triggering this for you. As an aside, my neighbor has the shakes and other neuro problems that they say is not Parkinsons... etc.... You are definitely not alone, but, it is a lonely battle.
I applaud your courage, your strength and most of all the guts to come out and show the world that you are still TraciYork, no matter what.
There is so much love in my heart for you. God Bless and of course, if there is anything ever I can do...
Well, you know where to find me!
Upped and Steemed
Tip! Worthy post!
Okay, Denise, this totally tipped my leaky face over into a full fledged downpour!
Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU for all your amazing words and support. I'm sorry to hear your neighbor is going through this same brain-hurty situation, but it does help to know there are other people struggling to figure strange stuff out - makes me feel a teeny bit less crazy.
Much love back to you, and I will definitely shout out should the situation arise.
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(¸.·´ (¸. You are loved
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:)
I sure hope they can find out what is going on and get you sorted out. This can't be any fun, but I am glad you still have a sense of humour. I am positive that it helps. Let us know what the new doctor says.
Thank you very much, @cecicastor, and I'll be sure to continue whining... I mean, updating... everyone. 😊
That took guts! To be so honest with what's going on and then to stand in front of the camera like that. I adore you used that tag and oh my gosh what you are going through...you are holding up like an amazing woman you are! I sincerely hope that they can narrow down what exactly is going on for you soon. You are doing way better than many I think would in this situation. You clearly still have a sense of humor and it helps that your hubby seems to be the same way...always cracking those jokes. I am sending all my hopes and thoughts that things get sorted out soon. Again though, I must say what a brave and amazing share. 💙💜
Okay, so now I need to add "leaky face" to my list of symptoms. Oh wait, never mind - I know exactly what caused this - your wicked sweet words, @topkpop! Thank you tons both for the hash tag excuse to post this, and for your amazing support. 💜✨
I cant even begin to imagine how much strength and courage it must of taken you to do this. So amazing of you to share something this personal with all of us. Opening up yourself like you have is something I truly admire and look up to. Virtual Applauds all round. All the best on getting to the bottom of this and finding a solution to all the questions xxx.
If my face weren't already leaking thanks to @topkpop's comment, it would definitely be now, @jusipassetti! Thank you so much for your kind and wonderful comment! 😊
Thank you ever so much, dearest @pixresteemer! 💜 📷
It takes a lot of guts to put yourself out there - and I commend you for it! Hope you make a full recovery soon! Hugs
Thanks so much, @mikeycolon! Hey, one silver lining - if this is still happening over the summer, when we meet up n Maine in July, it will be wicked easy to spot me in a crowd! 😂
Lol - I'm oblivious to people. You know how many times I've been in Manhattan only for a friend of mine to spot a celebrity that I didn't see!
LMAO! Yeah, sounds like me, only with people I know, and in the grocery store. 😜
I'm on the same boat. Sometimes I hope I didn't unintentionally not see someone because I don't want them to think I'm blowing them off!
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LOL - good one!
Yay u made it @traciyork! So glad you took the courage to step out of your comfort zone as that is always not an easy thing to do. Way to go Traci! Supporting u all the way! :)
You're awesome, @michelleloh168! Thanks so much! 💜
You are an inspiration by showing how you can keep a sense of humor in the midst of a health crisis. I hope they can get you sorted out and back to 100% in no time.
Aww, thanks @old-guy-photos! I have to say, if it weren't for focusing on the humor of the situation (no matter how tiny the giggle), I would've lost my hope (and mind) a long time ago. I truly appreciate your kind words, dear man. 😊
Hi @traciyork! You have received 0.1 SBD tip from @dswigle!
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Im so sorry to hear of your struggles with your health.
You are a brave woman who needs to to know what's going on. The medical profession can be so fustratiing and they solve everything with anti depressants, which in turn cause a whole range of new problems to contend with like wait gain( guess what? you become more depressed )
Stay strong having a sense of humour is essential, thats what gets me through my medical pain. Stay away from anti depressants too.
You haven't had a tick lately. Limes deseise.
I will watch your video later and let you know if the camera man should be sacked or get a nomination for camera man of the year.
Stay strong.
LOL! Don't tell him I said so @sanddrift , but my camera man should get a nomination for cameraman , husband, chauffeur, cook, and best friend of the year!
Yep, was just telling my PC on Friday that once again the anti-depressants are doing far more harm than good, and she fully supported my decision to stop taking them in March. She also tested me for every tick-related disease, and ruled them all out, but thanks so much for the suggestion.
Much appreciation for your kind words. 💜
i do hope your body starts to behave and i hope its nothing life threatening. I enjoyed this read Traci
I would like to invite you to our discord group https://discord.gg/vDPAFqb.
When you are there send me a message if you get lost! (My Discord name is the same as here on Steemit)
Thank you, @rachelrick. 😊
Good for you! You're totally amazing! When I get up there we can do some reiki, if you're open to that.
Aww, thanks Roger! Yes, I've had a friend do some reiki work on me years ago, and I'm totally open to it. Much appreciate the offer. 😊
Honey, you are such an amazingly strong and beautiful woman!!!! I cannot even imagine the frustration and sheer emotional exhaustion your situation and the lack of clarity must cause you - and even with all of that, you retain such an amazingly level head, a sense of humour and still find the time to offer so much love and attention to everyone around you.... I have no words adequate for how much you are loved!
MWAH!!!!
Wow, every time my face dries off, some awesome person like you comes along, and boom! More waterworks. Thank you, my darling ROCKSTAR GODDESS friend! 😘
love you long time xxx
Girl you are a mess. I don't know what to say other than, been there. Twenty years back I was going through similar issues related to blowing out 3 disk in my back all at once. I opted against surgery. The pain led to the crazies, the crazies led to anti-everything drugs, which made me even more crazies to the end of several failed attempts at killing myself. The last of which when I woke up in the hospital after taking a bottle of loritabs and a bottle of xanax then walking to the sea to die.... I have no memory of getting to the hospital but I overheard the medical team preparing a room for me in the psych ward (again) and told myself NO! No way in hell am I going back to that God forsaken place and quickly ripped the IV from my arm and B-lined it out the fire escape.
It was that day I chose to be better, to listen to the language of my words in realizing, first, that everything related to treating the crazies with drugs is, well, crazy. That 2, that place (the psych ward) is indeed God forsaken and a lie, and we all know who the father and creator of all lies is.
I guess that was the beginning of living "real" like that velveteen rabbit.
I know are religious paths are different but in that same breathe the same. Sparing you a long rant let me just say hold fast to what love you have in your life, it is a real treasure. Search for what truth you might find and surrender to it with all your heart. In the end, believe. Believe you are healed and acknowledge the source of that healing and you will be healed. Remember that woman that told herself if only she cold touch His garment... She stopped Jesus dead in His tracks with her faith, so much so that He ask "who touched me" in a crowd of people He wanted to know who it was that touched him with such faith.
That day I fled from the hospital... I wanted. I wanted to be like that woman, I wanted to be healed from all of it. All of it.
Today I am in a much better place than I was then and albeit my pagan ways are still very much with me, I now have knowledge of a peace that surpasses all understanding. In short I've realized the resurrection power of God is being resurrected in me. Me, a heathen, a human, an adjective and adverb, a noun.
Take from this what you will, but know you got a friend here in South Texas that feels your pain and is praying for you to receive a gift of healing. It is a gift BTW. You just have to ask, believe, and confess.
You are one courageous woman. Love Rules.
LOL! You sounded just like my husband (when he's taking a break from bobbing along side of me, saying "shall we dance?").
I'm so sorry to hear you've gone through such a .... man, it doesn't seem to do it justice to say something like "difficult journey" or "troubles." You've been to hell and back, and I wicked appreciate that you shared it with me. Mad props to you for coming out the other side in such an incredible way.
Yes, granted, we may have different names for spiritual things, but I agree - essentially the same. Thank you so much for your friendship, your prayers, your kind words, and your general awesomesauceness!
Just remember doctors are only licensed to "practice" medicine. Let them practice on someone else until they get it right. If I had listened to them I'd be in a wheelchair drooling all over myself, zombified on psychoactives and addicted to narcotics. Idiots almost had me believing I would never walk again. For about 5yrs I went through some horrible ugly shit no doubt. People making judgements, passing out in public from pain, peeing and shitting myself and not knowing it or having control over it. Felt like being struck by lightening continuously without end.
Don't give up the fight. Don't let the darkness win. Speak the L word over it.
Ugh - again, I tip my hat to you and all you've endured while still somehow managing to be such an awesome guy.
Definitely not giving up the fight, and spreading both L words over (love & laughter, naturally) everything in sight! Thanks again, dear Steven.
You are very brave. I send the biggest of hugs. I have had and still deal with some chronic health issues but I try my best to seek the best of life as much as health allows. Hope you feel better soon and hope you get a proper diagnosis for that shaking. If you say that is mild.
Dunno what else to say, except sending best wished.
Thanks so much, dearest @yidneth! Much appreciate the well wishes, and sending some back to you in return!
Keep it positive :) I am sure the Steemit community is somewhere you can find your strength.
Thanks, @kimzwarch - the Steemit community has already proven to be a great source of strength, love, and most importantly - distraction! LOL! 😂
haha, true. Now gonna train myself to focus back :P
My you are the social media buterfly of all butterflies {smile} ... I had no idea I was talking to a celebrity all this time {bows graciously}....
Brave brave post @traciyork ... not much I can add to all the good things in the earlier comments. I have always believed that all we need in our lives is our health .... everything else is detail. Stay positive and I hope like hell the quacks find a solution soon .... I still need to persecute you a long while with bad bird photography and lunar shots!!
take care ....
LOL! It's more like I have a reputation to maintain - after all, my "secret" identity is InternetG33k... 😊
And thank you so much for your kind words, and your wicked awesomesauce motivation!
The only thing I can do to help you her Majesty is make you laugh and feel a little special in terms of offering respect. Besides that have a nice day and keep steemin.
Hey, making me laugh is a very good thing - thanks so much, @amarbir!
Your Welcome. Hahaha. That was supposed to make you laugh as well.
It did! See, I'm still laughing...
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Alright. Hahaha.