Dad, mom, and children living together in one house. This was how we were taught about what a family is. I do not know if I must be happy or sad about this definition. Although nothing is wrong with it, this definition, for me, is too superficial.
Maybe this was the simplest definition to make a child understand, but as a child grows, I believe this definition changes depending on his/her experiences in life.
Family begins with marriage. No question about that.
There are couples who are successful in their marriages and are blessed with children whom they have sustained until they grow old. Healthy relationships, complete members, happy home. Good for them.
On the other hand, there are couples who got married, had children but eventually got either divorced, annulled, or separated. Strained relationships, lack of trust, issues here and there especially about custody.
It may also be that one of the spouses die and either the wife or husband takes care of their children alone. Single parenthood it is.
Or the divorced, annulled, separated, or widowed spouse gets into another relationship with someone who also had children from the past.
There are also instances now when friends stay in one house and help and depend on each other for any problems they have. Then they call each other “family”. There are also individuals who belong to an organization and call their organization a family.
Looking at these situations, we can come up with our own definition of a “family” and not box our minds with the basic definition taught to us in school where the dad and mom should be together.
If spouses got divorced, annulled, separated or if one spouse dies or remarries, aren’t they and their children still a family? Why should there be adjectives to describe their families such as broken family, single family, extended family, etc.?
So, how should we really define a family? Should it be based on blood relations, completeness of the members, closeness of the relationships, ability of one to help another in times of need or what?
This was my struggle when a teacher would ask for a family picture from my children that will be used for their project, and there was no male figure standing beside me. My children would come back home and say, “My classmates said we are not a family.” ☹ That broke my heart every time. When I attended school programs, I was the only one cheering for my children then people would ask where is the dad? When the school would schedule a “Family Day”, my son would feel hesitant to attend because it was just us and again, his classmates would ask. Others feel sad, but hey, we are a family! Luckily, I have my children. We grew together and stood by each other all throughout my journey as a single mom.
However, along the way, I met so many people who made me realize that family is not necessarily about blood relationships. We may have parents, siblings or relatives who act like enemies and hurt us even more than we could imagine, yet we may have classmates, friends or even just acquaintances who have done better and more than our families did.
After so many years of experiences, I realized family is often born of blood but does NOT always depend on blood. I would call someone a family depending on our experiences together: our growth, depth and quality of relationship, connectedness or sense of belongingness, willingness to stand by each other and how these things allow us to sacrifice and develop love, respect and understanding for each other and how they make us a better version of ourselves.
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