โ Paulo Coelho, Veronika Decides to Die
It's been a long time since I last wrote on Hive. I guess you could say the days filling in my absence in this platform was eventful-- in the most witty, insightful, and adventurous way-- I lived.
We all have these moments I guess. Some circumstances or events that arrive one after another on our doorstep, allowing us to reflect on our values or what's important to us at the moment.
In my case since my last write-up, my OFW parents, two years after being stranded in Japan due to COVID-19 ristrictions, finally were able to come home for a long vacation filled with fiestas, staycations, countryside road trips and several deep house clean-ups (because apparently, the state of the house after being left alone with just my grandma, brothers and I fell short on my mom's standards).
Secondly, during that time, I had to coach three of the groups of the research class I was handling this semester to represent their section for the school-level research congress, and had to give their research projects, โจ extra special โจ attention [ษหten(t)SH(ษ)n] while juggling with the rest of my ordinary workload, night-time classes, and being crowned with the ridiculous responsibility of handling face-to-face classes.
I had to consistently deal with he conflicts between my body's need for rest, the nagging unchecked boxes of my checklist, the FOMO my OFW parents' sponsored road trips, and personal financial tension (because all good girls want to help pull the load when their parents come home).
Saying the past few months was a "difficult time period" would be an enormous understatement. It was as if the metaphorical meaning transcended to the literal, when I say that I felt like my body was being pulled into different directions, consistently running on low levels of sleep and high levels of caffeine.
If there is any consolation, I also realized a lot of things during this time period, and I guess for the first time in a long time since my previous job as a process engineer, I actually enjoyed whatever I was doing, even if I was half a month late in some of my deliverables ๐.
I enjoyed coaching the teams I pushed to be representatives for the whole section even if it meant coaching them at 11 PM on a Sunday or in the middle of my family's weekend staycation. I guess the primary factor that pushed me to help and invest so much of my time and energy (much to the ridicule of my colleagues), were that they reminded me of me when I was their age.
Young, hot-blooded, possessing so much potential, and willing to go through the distance to make whatever it was they were doing at the moment meaningful-- and they were STEM majors working on water treatment and alternative energy options --- something I can say to have a ๐ค touch of background in during my ChE years ๐.
For the first time, I never minded the heavy eyebags I wore for three weeks...
or the un-motivating remarks I received from my colleagues of me being a martyr when I could just โจtake it breezily โจ (and all the more so, because my salary along with the other DOST scholar-teachers didn't get to arrive on time)...
or the days that took massive tolls on my health---
WHY? Maybe because I was actually feeling a little bit of passion right there and then, and for the first time, I felt like I wasn't out of place, that I was actually doing meaningful work, that I belonged, and that I didn't feel like I was just merely means to an end. Sometimes I wondered how many of us in the working world feel this way, and just choose to stay mum about it?
I got to experience the joy of witnessing my teams bagging the first, third, and fourth places of the school-level research congress, and now currently on the process of being sent to the city division-level research congress even though it might be what people would consider "just a minor contest", and despite the mixed messages I recieved made me feel like the gargantuan amount of personal effort I invested on my students was downplayed, I decided to just enjoy what somewhat felt like a personal win ๐ฅ.
Like anyone who is probably going through something similar to what I am going through, my flight and freight systems tend to go haywire whenever I feel the air or energies being off which is what I get at times like these, when I sense that people find it quite easy to devalue my efforts. Nobody ever means it of course, but it also doesn't discount how my body senses it.
I was challenged all the more during this time especially when the period of grief was still fresh from my end because of the national 2022 election results, which evidently revealed the real priorities of the collective populace. As an educator and former overachiever, I found it depressing and very difficult to move on from, for a while.
But having watched a brilliant๐ movie over the weekend (Everything, Everywhere, All at Once) and read my first Paulo Coelho book (Veronika Decides To Die), I am reminded in the many experiential ways that life is short and to not take everything so seriously, all while still maintaining that right mindset (not necessarily on all things, but prioritizing those you feel strongly about).
"Nothing matters" gives a different meaning inciting hope when viewed from a different lens. If I were to compare it to a certain narrative, it would be of a Roman conquerer being praised through the streets of Rome for their new conquest, and having a servant whispering these exact same words while crowning the laurel of victory on the military officer's head:
Memento mori ("Remember, you will die")
...I never understood it then, but now strangely, it already provides me enough contentment to keep my feet firmly on the ground ๐ป.
Special Thanks To:
Tina Flour on Unsplash ๐ฟ
@sperosamuel15 for his beautiful article ๐ฆ
and @rosethoscope for the book recommendation ๐
Roxanne Marie is the twenty-year-old something who calls herself the Protean Creator.
She is a chemical engineer by profession, pole-dancer and blogger by passion and frustration, and lastly, a life enthusiast. She is on a mission to rediscover her truth through the messy iterative process of learning, relearning and unlearning. Currently, she works as a science and research instructor in her hometown, Tagbilaran City, all the while documenting her misadventures, reflections and shenanigans as a working-class millennial here on Hive.
If you like her content, don't forget to upvote and leave a comment to show some love. It would be an honor to have this post reblogged as well. Also, don't forget to follow her to be updated with her latest posts.
You really did much within those periods especially the coaching aspect๐
To win at all is special and a win deserves a celebration no matter what people feel, small or big remains a win.. it all starts from somewhere.
Thanks for mentioning my post and for thanking me also
Happy Sunday
Thank you โจ and yes, I really did enjoy your post. I can relate to being around company with misaligned mindsets
HI !LUV !!!
Dot point reply, ready??
OMG, I missed you.
You've been smashing yourself! I'm glad the work is interesting/engaging. Bummer you have had to work so darn hard!
And your parents are home. OMG! Amazing. How wonderful. And, what the heck is OFW??
And the first Paulo Cohelo book you read is Veronika Decides to Die?! Far out - heavy!! Please promise me you'll read more of his down the track; he has so many beautiful, wonderful books that are full of gorgeous lessons and not all so morbid! Not that it's a problem to remember we will all die. I think these days I'm more and more aligned with the idea that it's useful to remember this - often - as a way to better live!
BTW, have you ever looked up your Human Design chart (birth chart that shows your strengths/weaknesses and best way of operating in the world)? I have a hunch that you're a lot like me and I'd love to know. If you already know your HD and want to share your chart with me, please do! If you are curious and want me to look it up for you, let me know!
Okay, over and out for now. Hope you've got some sleeeeeeeep since you wrote this post ๐๐๐ Bye for now!
I missed you too! OFW means Overseas Filipino Worker. Some Filipinos go out of the country in search for better pay, a better life etc. It's basically the Filipino dream! ๐ Considering how underdeveloped everything is down here ๐
SOON I promise. Yeah, true, it was kind of heavy... but the heaviness was pretty timely in a way. There were parts of the story and the conversations I could resonate with. And I fully support you on your current alignment (in fact, I am hoping to get there myself ๐ in timmme~~)
OOOOOH. First time I heard this Human Design chart. Do tell. Do look it up for me. From your description, it seems pretty interesting ๐.
Over, and out.
OFW: Aha! Thank you. No wonder I didn't know this acronym!
The Filipino Dream: Hmm, makes sense when the internet does such a good job of showing people everything they don't have, right? (Thank you for helping me remember just how lucky I am. I truly do have so much - even if the media/society is forever suggesting I don't have enough or am not enough until I "buy this thing" ๐คฃ๐คฆโโ๏ธ)
May we both hold the phrase "Memento mori" close enough to our hearts to live well but not too close that we lose sight of life itself. โค๏ธ
Human Design: Oh yay! It is my joy to use this chart. It's going to be revealing. Are you ready? I can look it up for you but I do need all your birth details. If you're happy for me to do that for you then don't put them on Hive (!!!) as that doesn't seem like a sensible security idea at all. Instead, email me: [email protected] I need your date of birth + exact time of birth (or as close as you know if you really can't find out) + your location of birth. Don't need your last name (unless you want to tell me - up to you).
If that all sounds too scary for some kind woman you haven't met in person (yet!) then take these same details and you can look it up yourself at https://www.geneticmatrix.com/free-foundation-chart. If you do it yourself, then make sure you put in the nearest city to where you were born (in the same timezone) and don't worry about the bottom two fields (State/Region & UTC time) as they will automatically generate. Just make sure that the State/Region is a logical match for your city of birth.
Final note: If you don't have your exact time of birth you'll need to email me as I'll have to check several times and charts; it's too complicated to do alone as a beginner. Better if you can get your exact time!
My guess: You're a Projector with a 2/4 Profile and a reasonable amount of Openness. But... we shall see. That's just a guess based on reading your posts, comments and replies. How close I am will depend on a lot of things. (Oh! And that jargon will make more sense to you once you learn a bit about Human Design. !LOL )
Ok, over to you !LUV๐๐๐ค
@proteancreator, @consciouscat(2/4) sent you LUV.
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Wow this is really interesting! Will do! Just have gone through a personal crisis this week.
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