I'm sorry to hear about your home environment. Yes, you may be right that it could have an affect on what excites you.
I once had a girlfriend who got really turned on by abuse. Never the physical type, but when I was being emotionally mean to her. At first I found it a bit disturbing, but once we discussed it rationally it became a great foreplay-roleplay, and then it was actually loving and romantic.
And indeed, she also complained about her mom who was evil, manipulative, and supposedly enjoyed hurting her. But then again, most people I knew had similar issues with their parents. So no science here, just subjective impressions.
I'm also pretty aware of what repression can do, making people feel guilty of their bodies or their individual likes and dislikes. Here in Mexico I keep encountering religious repression even among the most enlightened families.
Still, I don't think what you described means that you're a demon, nor do I see myself as particularly pure. Actually I'm happy to hear you overcame a habit that was obviously bad for you, and I keep my fingers crossed for you to continue in the same direction.
That's an interesting roleplay, never had anything similar and don't know how I'd react, but things can be surprising as your story tells
Thank you 🙏 you just keep being awesome, thanks for the talk