Tales of the Urban Explorer: The Bush House

in Urban Exploration3 months ago (edited)

...'WARNING - ADULT CONTENT'...

“That’s one hell of a bush”, I said to @anidiotexplorers with a smirk, peering over a tallish gate that could well collapse if any weight was placed upon it.

"The Bush House" was situated on a regular street and looked completely out of place. I would guess the local kids would mark it as 'creepy' or 'haunted', but the gate and its exposure to casual passers-by would likely be sufficient a deterrent for any inquisitive eyes.

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There was most definitely a ‘crack’ hidden within that dense foliage, but had this vagina lost its virginity enough for us the crawl through?

It didn’t matter as we had been given some comprehensive instructions on how to penetrate “The Bush House”, and this was... walk up the left side, open the gate, turn right, slide the bottom-most part of the fence away, and crawl under... the back door is open.

We snuck up the side entrance in our familiar ninja stance and passed the gate with @anidiotexplores opting to climb the rickety fence instead of all this sliding and crawling, when I happened to glance left and at the windows of the adjoining house.

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A young boy’s face stared at me in horror, his mouth opening a second later, despite my impromptu non-presuasive motion of 'shhhhhhh' complete with the finger at the mouth.

‘Daaaaaddd, there are men outside..., DAAAAAAAAAADDDDDDDDD"

Oh fuck, it was time to move. I quickly followed @anidiotexplores over the fence, not caring if it was going to take my weight or not and even less caring about whether my balls were going to split open on the slightly jagged top.

DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADDDDDDD.............

“What’s all the fucking noise about you little bastard, come here now….”, screamed ‘Dad’ with rage.

Smack, slap, smack, thump…, “stop fucking making tales up about men outside”, slap, smack…

Aaaaaaaaahhhhh, owwwww, scream, cry, even bigger cry…, "...but dad, those men….”, he wailed…

We had heard enough and by that time were scrambling through the back door and hoping ‘Dad’ was not going to believe all these ‘lies’ about those fake men outside.

Fortunately, nobody pursued us, and inside we both broke down into semi-silent guffaws. That poor kid, it must be a recurring issue for him. That’s what you get for being a serial prevaricator.

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The room we landed in was full of books sprawled across the floor. I would have a closer look shortly, as @anidiotexplores was hailing me from a second room.

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The view told me of perhaps an old woman, limited to a wheelchair and one who liked sewing. The sewing machine was gone, at least from the other device which was powered by your feet.

My grandmother had one of these and I instantly recognised it and its former purpose.

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A purse or wallet, but sadly not bulging with wads of banknotes.

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That ‘thing’ attached to the right side of the wheelchair is not an enormous upside-down light bulb, but a little trick of the photograph.

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I snapped this only to gain the name of the previous inhabitant, one 'Miss Clayton'. Was she the owner of the wheelchair?

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I started up the stairs, and I think it’s my photograph that makes them a little wonky looking.

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Miss Clayton liked her jigsaw puzzles. It's something I used to partake in as a kid, now it's a complete waste of time, and alone would be intensely boring.

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It's tough to make out but I think it reads, 'Iodine Tincture' and is an antiseptic that makes you literally jump out of your skin. These days TCP rules the roost and likewise comes with severe feedback if you place it on fresh open wounds.

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The red box contained nothing but cobwebs.

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Not even a block of soap to clean off the muck, …uck.

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So that’s what happened to the sewing machine.

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Spotting some magazines spread around on the floor I was amazed to see they were vintage porn. Miss Collins, you dirty girl.

It’s ‘Dear Dierdre’ 1967 edition, the year of flower power.

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I noted with interest the 'Parade' magazines showed some not-so-skinny chicks on the front pages. Was it not necessary then for models to be stick thin?

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Intrigued by such an ancient magazine of the pornographic flavour I leafed through a few pages and discovered an astonishing lack of ‘Bush’ or Vagina's. Did all that start in the seventies I wonder?

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A bare room, with nothing but porn and museum pieces.

“Are you going to leer over those magazines all day?”, mused @anidiotexplores with some amusement.

I had seen plenty of ‘Knave’ magazines from the decade after, but never anything this early. Some images needed to be snapped and he thought I was being a pervert?

"It's strictly for the history archives", I retorted in a serious voice.

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I’m sure that’s a 78 RPM disc, and even more sure it won’t play in its cracked form in a cassette player.

… but I wasn’t done with the magazines yet.

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‘In Praise of Pubic Hair’, was this a serious article about the liberating identity of the ‘Full Bush’ or a tale of a young shaver? I started reading noting the contradictory style of the title, but it quickly turned out to be a 'porn story' reminding me of my days of twelve years, and finding and reading a similar story.

“Fucking hell man, are you going to read porn all day”, came another dig from @anidiotexplores from across the room.

“I’m educating myself about early pornography”, I stoically replied with a grin.

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Miss Collins, I am shocked! I can now see how you entertained yourself, now did you trim your 'Bush' with those rusty scissors?

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Could we escape through that window and avoid ‘Dad’? It crossed my mind.

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For once, it’s not a ‘Singer’.

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The Bush House” was in quite poor shape inside and suffering from extreme dampness wherever we looked.

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No date on this, but I am guessing it's from the sixties. Ms. Dors was a Marilyn lookalike but got a little more puffy-cheeked post-fifties. Not that I can remember any of this shit.

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Slimming scams touts never change.

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Upstairs was definitely more interesting, but sadly we had to leave at some point.

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I made my way to the ‘book room’ intent on having a little search. It didn’t take long to find even more of the same material. Miss Collins was an avid reader, but some material catches the eye more than others.

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Now I do remember ‘Fiesta’, from a copy found in some public toilets sometime in the seventies. It was most educational for the young @slobberchops.

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This is what happens when your darkest secrets are left behind. The little old lady, disabled, with her sewing machine, spends her time completing jigsaw puzzles and is a closet nymphomaniac.

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It took some time but lounging on that uncomfortable-looking two-seater flanked by a stack of suitcases and trunks, I spotted another type of ‘Bush’.

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Was she a beer guzzler? Some parts of this puzzle were simply not fitting.

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Lots and lots of books, some of them neatly stacked. The local kids don’t seem to have vandalised this one.

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Only found in houses from the sixties, even the house I grew up in had more modern light fittings.

Finding the ‘crack’ we stole through the front window of the house, breaking the hymen apart, and climbed the front gate, not caring about who saw us or whether it was going to collapse.

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‘Dad’ would never find out the truth.

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Oh dear!... I almost wet myself laughing reading this!... Definitely my friend, you are a sea of talent writing crazy and funny things!... That poor child!... haaaaa haaaaa haaaaa!:)).... And what a place!... This is really bizarre!... And a lot of crazy things!... That wheelchair and those semi-porn magazines!... My goodness!... Great article as always!... A big round of applause for you and thank you for the great time I had reading this and looking at those amazing photos @slobberchops friend!...

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Thanks!, I wish I could find more like this, it's back to the falling apart ones next I'm afraid!

The poor kid is going to grow up with a chip on his shoulder..

That vintage porn is fascinating! More for the ads than anything else, but still an amazing time capsule. SIM Computer Dating? in the 70s?! And they even drew guys in with the same type of crap the online dating sites are using today - "Girls are dreaming about you!"

I wonder if maybe Miss Clayton was a spinster seamstress, and all the porn belonged to her young male caregiver...

I'm afraid you missed the call on the downstairs sewing machine, though. It's a treadle type, and the machine itself was probably safe inside the "box" on top. They fold down, as demonstrated in this video: https://youtu.be/nu9AYX0H7is?si=w7Wj7fAwxjH8HTgn&t=498 If you ever get back there you might want to peek under the lid. Those old Singers are quite ornate and beautiful!

The machine upstairs was electric, so not related to the one downstairs. Someone clearly had a sewing addiction!

Thanks as always for sharing your finds. 💜

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It's a treadle type

I was a young lad and my foot tried to make it go as fast as possible, that's all I remember. Just guesses at how it all fitted together.


You must be killin' it out here!
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You earned 1.000 PIMP for the strong hand.
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Those bloody fake men outside. Bane of that boys life!!

It's weird to think that all the chicks or most of them in these mags you find have probably karked it long ago

They do look like sixties chicks, and very old if not dead. This was one educational trip!

The 'Dad' incident still make me laugh, and it could have turned out very different. I can move fast if needed!

Yeah, you wouldn't want Dad coming to investigate to protect his family from intruder men!!

'Dad' sounded like a raving lunatic, better him slapping his kin around and not us harmless porn-hunting explorers.

He probably started out alright and the endless stream of explorers being spotted and called out by his son has drove him mad 🤣🤣

nice little mooch and some quality bush to boot, brings back memories of an early introduction to minge: finding my old dad's stash of parade mags in the shed, it sure beat my mothers panty page in the littlewoods catalogue LOL

Did any of those 60's Parade's contain minge? I couldn't find any within those pages. It was all tits!

I do remember the catalogues, it was a sign of the times.

happy days lol

What a find! Clever and hilarious read. The wheel chair freaks me out. The porn all over, makes me wonder what was going on in that house. The porn is pretty soft compared to the average teen music video though.😂

I was more interested in reading between the pages 😀, it's been a long time since I held a porn mag, and never one that old.., and yes very tame compared to today's world.

Wow, that one seems to have been hidden well enough that most everything was intact. I guess if there adjoining buildings it is a bit less likely that someone is going to torch it anyway. At the very least they should be able to catch it before too much damage happens.

For some reason, this one avoided the tour bus which is just as well or that kid next door would be permanently hurting 😀

Haha, I bet!

Are the colours in the photos natural or did you use filters? I really like them. Completely distracted me from the porn. 😂

Strangely I was having a conversation about those bakealite light switches yesterday. 😱 I can't for the life of me remember why. It was something to do with rewiring a house but have no idea in what context. 😂

Do you have any idea who owns the house? When I see pictures like those it just makes me want to go and renovate it.

or did you use filters?

It's a custom filter I use, and it's a bulk one, so I can do 30 images at a time.

about those bakealite light switches

That's what they are called? I have seen them in many an old house, usually the type that's got many holes in the floor.

Do you have any idea who owns the house?

Other than Miss Collins, no idea. She's likely dead and the house has been left unclaimed.

Re-educating yourself all over again, found an apt name for her closet nymphomaniac.

Quite thought jarring, "what you leave behind", old biddy moved beyond, leaving entertainment for next gen!

!BEER

LOL, just a guess!

Secret life one would suggest/guess, surprised much remained in good condition.

The girls in the magazines had natural bodies and curves and they look more innocent than many on Instagram today hahaha in that house there was everything, the wheelchair is terrifying, it looks like the setting of a Hitchcock movie frozen in time.

Yes, more curvy that todays front page girls, but today you cant see them as they are on the top shelf and covered. Not that I care about the magazine anymore.

Uff, when I saw the wheelchair I got this flash

There's working electricity in that house!

Poor kid... Cool exploration, but a little sad that when she died no one came to claim all of her belongings. She did like her porn though!

There are enough books there to start your own Amazon store! What a shame to see a house getting reclaimed by nature like that. Oh well!

Great job being the "fake men"!

!DHEDGE

Lots of books, mostly covered with cobwebs and quite damp, which doesn't do them any favours. The magazines I remember were recoverable, and I could turn the pages.

I think that boy is scarred for life. He won't care to tell the truth in the future. But the bush house has a lot of interesting things. It was like a treasure trove of books. Seeing the other hobbies of the tenant was a bit funny though.

It's hardly good parenting is it? I was once not believed as a kid by my mother and the memory lingers in my mind.

Yeah. Unfortunately, these are the kind of things that really stick to a kid's memory.

Wow - thats is a fair growth, like its trying to take back the house the way its clawing its way through the windows. Based on the outer view I would have thought there was nothing inside, so that was quite a find. Especially the vintage porn haul. You did some mighty fine archive work there, clearly for historic reasons only !
In that last pic it looks like there is also a car there thats been eaten by the bush.
Great explore !

Archival reasons only!

The car was in the next property grounds, I think it was a garage or something.

The Bush House is such a good name for this discovery, LOL! I remember seeing some of these buildings completely taken into control by nature in my country too. Never dared make my way in any of these though.

The vintage porn magazines are hilarious!

Loved that place, I could have sat down for an hour and read all the cheesy stories!

A hot find. A real amusement in the trashy house like this. Keep coming !LOL

My dog chewed a hole in my shirt
We have the same taste in clothes.

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Such effort to archive the documents of bygone eras deserves more respect from your exploring companion.

This place has come strange to me, as if every objects has a part of a puzzle :)

This must have been a very great building back in those days
I love the bath tub though. I feel like putting it in my bathroom, lol

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Thanks that those pictures aren't in black and white! Dealing with old houses is like trying to decipher hieroglyphics blindfolded 😂 Maybe it's a sign I dodged a bullet by ditching archaeology 😂 And if this sewing machine were a Singer, I'd snatch it up and run like crazy old woman! Been hunting for one forever, but my grandma's treating it like the holy grail. Apparently, I haven't reached the required age of wisdom to handle such a treasure 😂

I guess when Miss Collins lived in there o was a pretty nice house. Still looks like a boring life unless she was able to get out often.

I'm surprised that the vegetation isn't escaping the yard!

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The magazines makes overwhelmed, These very nude

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I really like the your skill in writing, it creates a mental picture of your work. The house was once, one of the best building I guest. Even the magazine and the wheelchair, could by help remind you evething you have been missing about her. Good story.

Awesome collector magazines. They must have some real value.

Possibly, I have never see any that old before.