Ever been in a situation where you wonder how you're going to survive when you find yourself amidst a storm? You may be in a tiny boat that seemingly will never get you on land safely. You start picturing the boat capsizing, people in a panic, and everyone drifting apart! Those who stay calm, put on their life jackets, and head for the life rafts, for sure have a chance of surviving!
I would never have believed if someone told me what lay ahead after losing my hubby of nearly fifty years. The paperwork, the legalities, and the feeling of utter despair that he was never coming back. Weird how a part deep down inside could not register that he was gone forever. Perhaps a way of shielding one from the initial shock?
There were many times when I felt I was in a little boat on a stormy sea, and that I was not going to survive, but someone always came to the rescue with words of encouragement. My two sons and my brothers, each in their own way, take over and help with many practicalities. What would I have done without them?
It's almost two years, and I now often think he's still beside me when I wake up; kind of a comforting feeling. Unlike the shock in the beginning when I'd wake up and realize his side of the bed is untouched, his pillow perfectly fluffed up.
I look at these two ships, a gift from my brother. I will not have space for them when I finally move into a smaller home, wherever. There are many 'things' I will not part with, but will give other things to people who will appreciate them.
My mind's still not made up where to go, so I may just lead the gypsey life for a while once my house is sold! The property market is dead right now, so there hasn't been much happening there.
Suits me fine, for now, gives me time to sort through fifty years of memories. The job of going through those has been going at a snail's pace!
I had to come up with a plan to stop me from procrastinating, so I turned my dining room table into an organizing table. I now have to get the job done and not put it on hold indefinitely.
Each little heap is being allocated to family and even friends. But I'm keeping the best to myself;)
Everyone who has moved has told me to start early if I need to minimize, which is exactly what I've been doing with everything besides the old photos and mementos!
I often think of my two SA Hive friends, @fionasfavourites and @joanstewart, who also lost their husbands untimely. None of us was prepared for that day!
Can one ever be?
No!
Joan shared this African proverb in her last post:
Life is like a boat you move on when you paddle and stay in the same place if not.
The lesson - keep on paddling!
Fiona wrote a touching post about a wonderfully healing weekend with special friends.
I've lost family and friends, often untimely, but that was different.
I know both Fiona and Joan will agree that nothing could prepare one for the loss of one's beloved soulmate!
Yes, I was lost at sea, drowning at times, not believing that a part of me was gone. But, I am so thankful for family and friends - even here on Hive - who have lifted me and helped me stay afloat!
𝙁𝙤𝙧 𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙔𝙤𝙪𝙣𝙜 𝙖𝙩 𝙃𝙚𝙖𝙧𝙩 𝙃𝙞𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙨
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I like your analogy of the boat Lady Lizzie, and death will be sure to visit each of us. I believe in the reunion after death, and in the meantime, we will be tasked to go on with life. Never easy, especially after the heart-rending experience of losing a beloved one. I am impressed by your resilience, and we are glad that you have a good support team. A luta continua.
All our !LUV to you and yours as usual.
@lizelle, @papilloncharity(2/10) sent you LUV. | tools | discord | community | HiveWiki | <>< daily
It just struck me when wondering what to do with these 2 boats.
I look forward to that reunion, but also to a new adventure, wherever that may be.
I'm actually considering the Cape, particularly St Francis Bay, but even more towards Cape Town. You mentioned a seniors development but I can't remember the name. I'll appreciate any recommendations, obviously not too pricey.
Thank you for your wonderful message dear Zac.
Yes, the struggle continues! Blessings to your and Marian🤗
Well, you used the boats to a great effect milady. It awaits all of us, and I look forward to once again being reunited with my family.
Best that we chat about this in discord, or on our phones.
Blessings and !LUV.
@lizelle, @papilloncharity(1/10) sent you LUV. | tools | discord | community | HiveWiki | <>< daily
The thing about boats is that they are surprisingly seaworthy even when they are not being steered Lizzie!
Compare that to being in a car that is not being steered! Now that would be a wreck!
I feel for you ladies and am incredibly proud of how strong you are all, losing a life partner is just the worst.
So I am glad you have stayed afloat Lizzie
I never thought it would be this bad, but one somehow finds the strength even though you feel you're floundering on the big open sea at times!
Thank you Ed, and thank you for keeping the Silver Bloggers boat afloat <3
You have always lived your life with extraordinary grace. We are blessed to have you here with us.
And I am thankful to have crossed paths with you @owasco, you are so brave, and so strong despite the worst loss!
I found a beautiful letter Mom's cousin wrote after my oldest brother died at the age of 26 (suicide).
She said that the Bible talks of widows, widowers and orphans, but there's no word anywhere for a parent who's lost a child. So true! Perhaps because it's such an unthinkable loss?
Take care @owasco, and thank you <3
I did not know you lost a brother, and your mother a son. I can't begin to understand how you all survived that, but then, we all somehow do, or most of us anyway. I hope you had an excellent sob over that letter.
I've been missing my Niko very much this month. He's right here pretty much all day long.
I did! Having chuckles at old photos, and a few tears as well! Good memories mostly.
I cannot imagine how you must feel!
It's weird how one feels their presence when you're missing them, but the physical presence is what you want!
With Mum going through it, I appreciate your posts about your own grief and loss. It's unfathomable, yet somehow you do have to keep paddling! Mum was searching through some videos to find his voice - she found one when he was teaching his grandson how to play guitar. She really didn't want to forget the sound of him.
I'm so glad for your Mom that she found that! Funny you saying that, because I found some videos Arthur took when inspecting his stormwater drain system after heavy rains. He was commenting throughout, don't see him but hear his voice. I also remembered a YouTube video where a local TV station filmed us in our home when I had an issue with unauthorized debit orders. The video quality is good, looks quite surreal seeing him look so alive. I've saved that. Those are little treasures to hold onto!
It's funny we didn't take them when they were alive. I'm so glad you gave at least a couple.
It's true that no one is prepared to lose their loved one. Even if you are expecting it. You will still be shocked by the pain and emptiness.😑🙁. But that's life. No one stays forever🫤.
Sadly true @asiaymalay, that's why we need to enjoy the times with our loved ones and not allow trivial disagreements tear us apart.
Thank you for your kind words 🤗
Can’t imagine the depth of that kind of loss, the way it shakes your core. I’m glad you’ve found a steady support in your family, friends, and this Hive community.
I never realized it would be this bad, thank you @gretelarmfeg. I'm blessed with a good support system 🤗
Sometimes the reality hits way harder than we ever expected. Huuuggsss to you @lizelle ❤️
I don't think you can be prepared for such a great loss. Spending a lifetime together with a person you love is something that not everyone knows. It is a real privilege to have someone to share so much time with.
The best we can do is as you say “keep rowing”.
Have a happy day my dear @lizelle. A big hug from Maracay.
Oh so very true @irvinc, it's been a lifetime, and I was immensely blessed to have lived a fulfilled life with my darling man!
Never thought it would be this difficult.
Enjoy the special times you have with your wife!
You are so smart for being proactive and starting the process of downsizing early. I like the gypsy idea! You could live in Airbnbs around Europe for a while and visit your son in the Netherlands. We have an extra bedroom here if you ever decide to cross the pond for a visit!
I always say my Mom was a minimalist pioneer, she would only keep the bare necessities, (except photos, of which she had a ton) That's the daunting task I'm now tackling, it's Mom's, my late uncle's, and ours!
Who knows, I may just get to Minnesota one day. Will tell my brother to take me with when they visit my nephew again😉
Thank you for the offer Eric, you may just find an old gypsy woman at your doorstep one day🤗
That's probably a monumental task, but not so stressful a little at a time! If you ever find yourself planning a trip here don't hesitate to reach out. It would be great to meet you! I don't recommend visiting from November through April unless you bring very warm clothes. : )
We have as little say over life/death, as we do over the storms/sunshine in our life, the memories wash over, working your way through the home. My husband was a true "voetjie-krappe", as his Dutch Gran would say, I never got the full meaning perhaps you can set me straight, if it means hoarder then he passed 💯percent.
Very happy I started house repairs a year ago, one task done many more to go. Hand-me downs another I had started, now to seriously get my head together and keep moving.
Never anticipated nor prepared, keep paddling the boat to wherever the star guides us.
Looking at ornaments you will feel where they should go to be treasured, my worst nightmare is family feuds over 'dead bones'.
Thanks for sharing, take care the worst of the rain now over, cleaning up again!
I've heard of how families squabble over small things left behind, it's ugly to say the least. So I'd rather give away stuff to the right people in my life (keeping my favourites of
course)
I'll take the bare minimum once I move. It was so easy sorting my Mom's stuff as she only kept what she was using. Except photos and albums! I'm sorting all our photos to give to relevant family and close
friends. Finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel!
I've heard that phrase, don't know the meaning, I must ask Mom's brother, he may know.
Gosh, so you have quite a job there!
What gorgeous weather since yesterday, that rain was awful.
My Mom gave a lot before she passed, a year later when Dad passed we went in to clear, found Mom had labelled everything, no question she had encountered the family fights and avoided it at all cost when given 6 months.
Have told my sons they too will have to come go through many items with me to get through this. Weather is now what I call 'ideal' can sleep at night and enjoy glorious sunlight without the extremes. Happy Sunday, enjoy!
Dear @lizelle, I don't even want to imagine life without my spouse. It is too painful to think about, let alone experience. Having to sort through their things must be so difficult for you. It is good you have friends here and offline to lean on. I wish you all the best as you continue to cope moving forward you wonderful person.
Thank you for your kind words! It's the most unimaginable loss @coinjoe. Make time for each other, and appreciate every moment together.
I am truly blessed with wonderful family and friends.
A great post Lizzie, the analogy of the boats is really wonderful! And keep paddling is the greatest advice indeed! Having to deal with losing my love is unthinkable for me at this point (which is what happened to friends of ours just now, at age 42), but I think indeed, keep paddling, is the best thing to do. Always.
Thanks for sharing!
!DIY
!HOPE
!PIZZA
!INDEED
!ALIVE
!BBH
!STRIDE
Oh no, still so young! It's a rough road ahead for your friend. Nothing can ever prepare one for that kind of loss!
Treasure each other, things can change in a split second.
But you have to keep on doing the job of living and enjoy the good things in life. One learns to live with that pain, and even though it eventually eases, it still hits one out of the blue!
Thank you for your kind words @borniet.
Yes indeed, incredibly young... leaving her husband and 2 teenage children behind, really sad indeed. And, it makes it very very clear how quick things can turn around! Treasuring life and our loved ones should indeed always be the top priority...
Undoubtedly, there are people in our lives difficult to forget, so before their death there is an unavoidable before and after in our lives.
Death is one sure thing we cannot avoid. Best to make the most of the time we have!
It's true, no one is prepared to lose someone they love, even if we think we are.
Yes, one will never be ready.
$PIZZA slices delivered:
@borniet(8/15) tipped @lizelle
Come get MOONed!
Calm in the storm is a precious gift; sometimes we can't find it inside ourselves the harder we try, and that's when friends and family come aboard. The boat may be small, but it does the job, my friend, if we try and let others paddle when we're just too tired.
Sending an enormous hug! 💞
So sorry @marlyncabrera, I only now saw I missed your encouraging message. A big high back to you🤗