(the title was actually a hurried typo, but I like it.)
Neil LaBute who is one of my favorite writers at the moment has an interesting idea, he thinks it's "the American thing" to keep one's eye to the future. When discussing an actor or a writer, he says, people are always interested in what that person is doing next. You rarely see an actor interviewed or whatever where they constantly talk about the things they did really well three years ago, and if you do, we tend to think oh he's lost his momentum a bit then.
This, LaBute argues, creates a really unpleasant inner dialogue, because it keeps you so focused on what you're planning or working on next that it denies you the opportunity to celebrate an achievement. He did a re-introduction to one of his plays when it was being re-staged (a few years after original release), and said how he was so future-focused, he failed to enjoy the achievement of that play, of its original staging. Like, I imagine he was pleased at the time, but the moment a work of art is done, poof, we're on to the next thing.
I'm like that with the texts I write and while it's thrilling in a way to produce a lot of content that makes me proud, it's also a bit sad I find. Sometimes, I'll run across a text I wrote a couple months back and go damn, that's pretty good. And there was a time when I'd be walking on a cloud for a while afterward, but now, by next week, I'm probably too busy being excited about a new text.
It's not bad. But it does create a tremendous amount of pressure and anxiety that might not be very productive in the long run.
I think that's true of everyone, not just artists. We tend to live a bit too far in the future, and when we do manage to focus on our present (or, rather, the recent past), we typically look at the negative aspects. The things we didn't do or did poorly. Like, instead of congratulating ourselves for a workout we've done, we'll feel guilty about having some pizza afterwards. It might sound petty, but such are the thoughts that make up our days.
When you're only focusing on negatives, it's very easy to become depressed and anxious. If you only see the pizza in the example above, pretty soon you'll be worrying about getting fat, not being attractive, not fitting into your clothes, people laughing -- it's very easy for our anxious little minds to spiral.
If, however, you think yeah pizza is a bit of a calorie bomb and not the healthiest choice, but I did balance that out sort of with my workout so it's okay, everything changes.
Whenever I identify a problem, I have a tendency to dramatize, to spiral. Or had. Now, I focus a lot more on finding practical, if small solutions. I feel I'm putting on a bit of weight - what can I do practically to keep that from becoming a problem? Do a little more cardio, or switch up my diet a bit. Good.
I'm worried about money. Well, what can I do right now that's small but might bring a tiny extra income?
I'm worried about love, exercise, etc. The list of things to worry about is endless. Sadly, not the case with the list of solutions.
it's a small trick, but can dramatically change our perspective on a problem. If we only zero in on what we're doing wrong, a problem seems bottomless. If we try to steer towards a solution, no matter how tiny, suddenly we think oh okay well this may be or become a problem, but it's manageable. See, I've already started managing it.
To tie it back to my opener here, it's all about celebrating little victories. A workout you've accomplished, a project you've completed. Because our productivity-addled world keeps us focused on what you could do better or more. And the answer there is never going to be enough, if we're being honest. There's always room for better or more. So you always end up feeling like a loser.
We need to seek balance. Back to the pizza. If you "pig out" on a meal, you'll think okay I'll balance it with an extra rep in the gym or something. We understand the importance of balance, right? Well, why not also in our mental space? I need balance in my mind. So if I spend an hour thinking about how I did something badly or didn't do it, I might also spend 15 minutes thinking of something I did well today. And it's not equal, not perfectly, but it's a start. If your inner dialogue is filled solely with what you're missing out on, doing badly or could be doing more of, then it's a pretty shitty diatribe you're listening to.
If you don't remind yourself of your resources and gifts, then who will?
I'm in a bit of a productivity craze atm and don't like it. As such, I don't feel too good about not writing anything (except this) today. I know my inner little bitch is dying to focus on that. So instead. I did a very satisfying high-intensity workout today which also meant quite a bit of fun dancing. I finished a podcast that allowed me a perspective shift on a situation. I recycled one pair of old jeans and am going to do another now. Yesterday, I wrote something really good that I was and am proud of. So it's okay. What have you been doing that you're proud of?
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