I have been absent from the platform for quite a few days, but not because I’m growing bored with it or anything. It’s just that I’ve been trying to figure things out for myself by doing a lot of reading. I’m trying to study psychology from various angles at the same time which is sometimes very confusing. When you start realizing how many things you don’t know, the impulse to give up can be pretty strong so I had to will myself. It's not about you guys or the platform, it’s all about me and my shortcomings.
The fascinating thing is that although I’m looking for answers for myself, once you start reading about different personality types, how various people see the world, and the things that make us react in a certain way, you inevitably recognize people you actually know. Things start to make sense. For instance, I realized that as a thinking intuitive I relate to the world in a completely different way than my friend who’s a sensation type. As she focuses on the matter, she’s the practical type and had a great career in the business world. Something I’d never be capable of doing. On the other hand, when she comes complaining about her personal life I can only reason with her and point out obvious truths. She admits it’s true, but that’s where it ends. She cannot go any further and internalize this truth, make it her own, and act upon it. I don’t know if it was in a book or in a podcast that I heard it explained quite clearly - you cannot help people by telling them what’s wrong with them. It’s only when they realize it themselves that a breakthrough is possible. Maybe be helping them decipher the meaning of a dream where the unconscious tells them what’s the problem. That was a revelation to me and sort of explained why over the years I’ve been unable to help her make the slightest change.
Despite all that, last night I was again sucked in a long texting session about everything that’s wrong with her life and how much she’d like to change things. We were at it for hours and the problem somehow stayed with me even today. At some point, I sent her a FB post about change and how it’s never too late to change. It resonated with our conversation last night and it was, you know, encouraging, hopeful, positive, etc. She answered “Cool!” followed by an OK emoji. I hate it when she sends the OK sign as she uses it to dismiss whatever I’m saying or doing. Most of the time I can ignore it, but today I felt hurt. You cannot do this - burden me with your desperation and dismiss my concern in less than 24 hours. I was so shocked by this brutal dismissal I wanted to say something to her, but I realized it was not her fault after all. I already knew the whole conversation was pointless. I knew my words cannot change how she sees things. If I chose to look for something uplifting to say, that’s my problem. Some people don’t want help. What they want is someone to listen to their litany of misery to validate their victim mentality. The right thing to do is stay away from such people and forbid them to dump all their problems on you. I’m sorry to say this, but it’s just a waste of time and it keeps you from your own journey.
Fortunately, this stupid incident happened after I’d finished the book I was reading so my day was not ruined. For the past few days, I’ve been reading Erich Fromm’s 'The Fear of Freedom'. As it was written in 1942, it focuses a lot on Nazism, but it’s very relevant today. Nothing much has changed - as individuals, we’re still alienated, alone, and afraid, which makes us easy prey to all sorts of ideologies or herd mentality. Thank you for letting me rant a bit. I’ll just end with a great quote I found in the book:
“The right to express our thoughts means something only if we are able to have thoughts of our own.”
LE: Speaking of help... just as I posted this I saw the breaking news - Sinead O'Connor is dead. Someone who desperately needed help and nobody was able to give it to her. Such a tragic story...
Sad news about Sinead, a lady who certainly had her own thoughts and made no bones about expressing them.
Oh I know what you mean here, I know someone in my family like you've described too. They are happy to sit on the phone for hours complaining about a certain aspect of something and expect you to be there 100% for them, but as soon as you have something happen and you want some validation they'll be the first person to shun you and tell you to just "sort it out yourself". Funny that right?
Psychology is so broad and I've tried to delve into it myself, I eventually got despondent because I came to the same realization you did. Having the knowledge is not going to help anyone except yourself because you can't effect change on other people's behalf, only in your own life.
Sinead was cool, I think we lost a good one.
At the moment, I'm doing it for myself mostly and maybe to understand the world a little better.
Most conversations never reach the "how you've been" stage. This type of personality is extremely self-centered so they cannot focus on other people much.
I sometimes don't even want to understand how people think.
Yes, I totally know the type. Sometimes you just have to distance yourself, it doesn't sound like a two way friendship 😕