picture is mine
"You don't socialize. No parties, no outings, no calls alway indoors why?" I hear them ask repeatedly. While I'll just smile and reply.
"I do. But not all the time"
Not to lie to myself and my being, I know that I'm more on the non-social side of the spectrum. And believe me, I'm definitely not totally okay with it, you want to know why?
Because, sometimes, it feels like I'm being stranded on this desert island with just seagulls for company or maybe Antarctica with penguins for company. And you know how boring that can be. The honest truth is, sometimes I can be boring.🤦
Believe me, I do have my hobbies and stuff that I can get busy or occupied with, but there are just moments when the silence seems to be too loud. No, let me rephrase, there are times the silence is just too loud and I can hear them echoing off the walls of my solitary existence.
Look there is something we non-social people tend to hide or sometimes we pretend that being non-social doesn't have its downsides, believe me.
It's not that we'll miss out on parties or gatherings. It's just that I can't help it, Its my nature to avoid crowds and chatter .
Another bitter truth I experienced about being non-social is that in this part of the world, you have to socialize to get popular. Now how can you get opportunities, meet people that can help your life or connect you to the right office if you don't mingle?
And sometimes yes i want to mingle but I just can't, because even if I force myself to be outside. Least 30 minutes I'm seeking the comfort of my space and I crave to be alone. Sometimes I have visitors and it's all fun in the beginning, but the next minute I'm silently praying you leave so I can cuddle up back In bed, alone, all to my thoughts.
The crazy part is people sometimes misunderstand me, thinking I'm too proud to hang out with them. But the truth is that, It's more like I feel awkward in social settings, like I'm the odd one out at a dance where everyone knows the steps except me. Like everyone easily finds what to say, what to ask and can easily make eye contacts while I can.
And yes, yes it does affect my relationships with others. It's like there's this invisible barrier that has been built between me and them, built not out of bricks and mortar but out of missed invitations and awkward silences. Built out of declined visitations and avoiding phone calls. When I try to explain, to bridge that gap, it feels like I'm shouting into the wind, my words lost in the big circle of misunderstanding.
But here's the thing: despite that loneliness and the occasional fear of missing out, there are moments when being non-social feels like a warm blanket on a cold rainy night to me. Trust me there's this certain comfort in solitude, bullshit and see finish it helps me avoid. You don't really get that peer pressure to conform to societal norms or expectations you don't believe in. Like going to parties where the trending truth or dare games (Gen z style) is played.
Am I comfortable with being non-social? Not quite, but I'm slowly wrapping my arms around it, trying to break out from its chains.
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You described the life of an unsocial person quite well. Some days, you ask yourself how you turned out so withdrawn and you promise in your heart to begin making chances immediately. And in the few minutes after that, you're saying, "nah, that's not my life. Who I am suits me better."
Exactly. It's boring but on some days you just love being alone. Thank you for reading.