Left is my sister Bobbie (now deceased) right is Mama (also deceased)
Not sure about the baby, but I think it is Loren Jr (thankfully still living)
ALL the holidays are depressing for me, (well, the winter ones),
Thanksgiving and Christmas, because growing up those were the times I could COUNT on my family getting together.
It would usually be cold weather, so the closed up house, fireplace going, the smell of cooking mixed with woodsmoke.
My brothers and sisters who lived close enough would come with my nephews and nieces who were my age there to play with for a few days...
This was from about 1970, many here are no longer living
All that is long gone.
My family was shattered by the wreck in 1974 and the subsequent stupidity with daddies living kids suing me/our insurance and the other driver for the wrongful death of our father...
And I am left with memories and a few paltry photos
Several Siblings were home, and my nephew and nieces and I put on a "Silent Movie": I played the piano while these three enacted a "hero rescues damsel from villain" scenario. It was so overwhelmingly a hit with the family, others from nearby were called and we had to do it over several times.
To achieve the proper effect, the lights were off,(except for the light on my piano so I could read the music) and a couple of family had flashlights, that they were flicking back and forth rapidly, to create the 'silent movie' effect
Now as an adult, we are almost lost to each other, time, age, poor health... relocations and the GENERAL breakdown of families, the desires to get together with each other for reunions and holidays has been supplanted by the desires of watching a football game or go shopping.
Mama and Bobbie are deceased now.
John is 81, Nancy is 87, Linda is 73, and I am 65
Paradise (it wasn't really but...) Lost.
by
Jerry E Smith
©11/23/2020
all images are original
These .gifs were created for me by @coquiunlimited; many thanks
Paradise (not really but ...) Lost. I understand you perfectly, dear @jerrytsuseer. The maternal home with its atmosphere of love, protection and fun is a paradise, no matter how many imperfections it may have. But unfortunately, the past is past and those beautiful times do not return. However, you have the opportunity to share with John, Nancy and Linda, through social networks. In this time of confinement and isolation, it is an option to get closer to our loved ones and we must take advantage of that option.
I hope you overcome sadness and take advantage of nostalgia to write beautiful songs and publications as interesting as this one.
I send you a big hug in the distance
Thank you @mllg, I'm glad you liked this writing.
I have two siblings from Daddy's original family who still live as well.
None live close, none get on Social media often.
Oddly, the one brother who lives closest is and has been a veritable
Hermit as long as I can remember.
He lives on by the largesse of his last employers.
One sister Claudelle lives in Ohio, about 600 mi away,
snip from a video taken about 6 yrs ago
my brother John lives in Massachusetts, at least as far.
Sylvia lives some 150 mi north of here.
Nancy lives back home, about 300 mi, Linda the same,
It is hell being a 65 yr old youngest brother.
We had huge family reunions, or general get-togethers when I was growing up. Of course my grandfather's French family always looked a little bit down as my grandmother's French Canadian side, but we never really felt any of that, we just knew there was something going on when we all got together and once I could speak on French and the other side should I only speak English. When I grew up I knew that it was a subtle little piece of snobbery, but the rest of the family just ignored it. That's probably about as bad as it got.
I can understand to a certain extent the hurt that the other side felt, but only as a child, not as an adult. As a child there would be feelings of their dad dismissing the death of their mother. But the Practical side of me says that who's going to take care of the baby? And nobody ever said that you could love only once, because I think that's the biggest fallacy of them all. They can only love one mother oh, that could be true, but it's also true that they could love another human being if they're heart room been to it. Either way what they did was wrong and continues to be wrong. Even at the level of human being to human being, they should have have enough love in their heart to forgive and move on. Otherwise, I have found that the hate is incestuous, never stopping and only growing. I'm not sure people understand that it ruins them inside, more than it will ever do to you. In your case you feel the Betrayal oh, but I have to wonder if the hate has eaten them up so much since they are not capable of loving once again.
I think it's really hard when families split up this way and I can say that my mother was the glue of our family, although we are spread across the United States and abroad, my mom made sure that she passed over the Baton to me as the years went by. I know I'm the one who leads in the getting together yeah, we just did a big Zoom with Thanksgiving and Halloween. We all cook their Thanksgiving together and there had to be about 30 of us. It was fun and it was mass confusion for a little while and lots of laughter. But the most important thing was that we reached out and touch each other. Some of the younger ones nieces nephews and even their kids we're a little reluctant to get involved but the thought of me showing up at their door to give them a personal invitation with a little more than they wanted. LOL at any rate oh, I can say that when there has been siccness or deaths in someone's family, it's a Mass effort to show up or call and be helpful. Has there ever been problems? Sure. Everyone is human but we try to curb it and meet the problem head-on. It doesn't work for everybody but we haven't lost anybody yet. Of course there is the normal personality conflict and you have to let those work themselves out oh, but we don't shun anybody for it.
And in some cases when your family has had a complete breakdown like yours has oh, there is a saying that some people are closer than blood. There's nothing to say that you could not have your Circle of Love with people that aren't related to you. I can tell you that we probably have about 10 people in our family that have no relation to us but have joined the fold. And we gladly have them. Sorry to be so long with into it but I do hope you have a most wonderful day.
I'm glad you commented Denise, and I'm happy yours has been a good and successful family with good relationships.
Thanks @dswigle
I perfectly understand your feeling. Family warmth and good times in that environment can hardly be forgotten or supplanted. I am very familiar, I love the monthly meetings with my loved ones who are in a nearby city. This unusual year, I have felt somewhat lost and strange, nostalgic perhaps, because of the sudden and forced separation due to the pandemic. However, those memories feed my spirit and make it hopeful. Thank you for sharing your experience, I only hope you can feel better and that these days they have better videos for you. I send you a big hug. Thank you for sharing your experience, dejar @jerrytsuseer
It perhaps shouldn't be this way, but keeping families close together - emotionally - is an incredibly difficult thing to do. I rarely ever speak to my family at all (outside of the immediate one) and all I have left from that time are a few photos as well.
Yet we cling to the good memories, because they do give us smiles, and bring us inner warmth.
Those are indeed true words Victor, but in my case, I only saw the true ugliness in my family after my father's death, I suppose he was the glue.
"His" loved and respected him because he was their Father. "Hers loved and respected him because he took them in, gave them a home, taught and protected them when their father had died'
Daddy never adopted them legally, so when he died, "HIS had always resented my Mama, and the glue was now gone and our family dissolved, melted away like butter in a frying pan.
So yes, I have very warm memories of those early days.
Thanks @wwwiebe
Yep it's weird the way some family dynamics are. I used to watch other peoples families and think wow why aren't we like this they don't seem to argue and shout at each other. Our family is so spread out too over the US and UK I haven't seenn some in 20 years and others in 5. Really weird really
Thanks @scubahead. I wonder if being spread out so that is the reason for not getting together,
Rather than the one I see most often now, everyone is too busy, husband would rather watch
A football game, wife won't come without him, etc etc... Thank you for reading and Commenting
Waoo, lovely photos of your family, awesome oldy photos!!
Thanks @tripode, I appreciate that
I, too, have fond memories of Thanksgiving and Christmas back when my parents were still alive and all of us kids were around. I'm not sure when was the last time we were all together. Both parents are gone now (1994 and 2008), and none of us adult children live anywhere near each other.
Sad isn't it though @scribblingramma?
I can see that you miss the old times, and I'm sorry to read there was a lawsuit going on (against you ? and the insurance company??) about the death of your father.. it must be hard to deal with the loss in a situation like that. I do believe that most families (especially in times when a lot of people move abroad) eventually fall apart (partially) and we are left with memories from back in the days..
I never had a big family that was this warm, but I did have a grandma keeping the fam together like she was the glue.. when she passed it was all over.. Not living in my home country anymore, but even years before I left, this was already gone.. I accepted it long before I moved from there..
Take care during the holidays! I hope you will enjoy them!
I've almost come to the conclusion that
Every family is dysfunction to one
Degree or another. I know mine
Was and still is, with abuse
Going back (at least as far)
As my GrandFather. Sins
Of the Father as it were,
Seem to be passed on
Down to us, no
Matter what
We do or
How we
Try
Its so sad how things turned out, reading through your post made me understand to appreciate the little time I spend with my family now they are not too far apart. I hope the memories of them keeps you going and ignite a reason to celebrate the holiday, have a nice day and happy holiday
Thank you @jizzyjoe, if you are still able to contact and/or spend time with family, take every opportunity to do that, please. Before it is too late. We only have this one life to spend with each other
Thanks for the advice, will do that
Please do, family is too important to not make the effort
Yea, I will
Yes, I have memories like these, and photos of large family gatherings that no longer occur. It did seem like an idyllic time back then, all cozy and joyful. That all changed when my mother died, and the darkness she kept at bay took over. Now we zoom call once in a while, and there are terrible rifts. My situation sounds similar to yours, but perhaps has come about for different reasons. What is this about an accident/
On a Sunday morning, I had driven the three of us, Mama in the middle, Daddy on the passenger side to our church, which had been the family church for many years, although we had only recently started attending again.
Afterwards, we left the church. I was still driving. I pulled to stop at an intersection, I looked both ways, but somehow I did not see an oncoming vehicle and pulled slowly to cross that road.
We were in no hurry at the time.
Daddy DID see it and cried out "Look Out!"
I slammed the gas pedal down from sheer reaction; to have hit the brakes would have meant to be sitting there for whatever he'd seen.
The oncoming vehicle had swerved to miss us and the impact occurred just OFF the road, so in hindsight had I hit the brakes and not the gas, all this would be a different story.
But it is not a different story.
Mama had three ribs and her pelvic girdle broken, from Daddy being shoved into her so hard.
Daddy had ALL his ribs and pelvic girdle broken, lungs punctured by those ribs, massive trauma from taking the impact full on.
He lived for 3 wks in Intensive Care before dying.
No one BLAMED me for the accident (other than me that is) but his kids by the first marriage saw a way to get more money and sued the two drivers for the wrongful death of my father, which meant OUR auto insurance company had to defend Me against my siblings.
There was a settlement, none of which came to me, but after the lawyers took their SIZEABLE cut, the remainder was divided amongst Mama and the other heirs; it's against the law to benefit from yourself being sued.
I hope you can understand that storyline @owasco
That is a horrible story. It must weigh pretty heavily on you. Having totaled two cars (but by some kind of miracle no one was hurt) I know a tiny bit of the guilt. I'm so sorry.
I do understand the suing of insurance companies though. Something like that happened in my husband's family. His father was driving for an accident that turned out to be fatal to his passenger wife, and all three children sued there father's insurance company (with his cooperation) to get a payout. It wasn't contentious at all, and all three of his kids got money, but he got nothing so it was all kosher.
Hola querido amigo, tiempo sin visitarte. Muy triste tu historia. Yo tengo cinco años que no me reuní con mis hermanos por el tema de la crisis y por la cuestión de la pandemia tengo un año que no veo a mi esposo que trabaja en otra ciudad. Sin embargo todos nos comunicamos vía telefónica.
Me entristece tu situación @antoniarhuiz
Espero que haya una mejora muy pronto.
Life is always give and take, when only one side are giving all the time it dries up and shrivels away quite quickly.
Sad to learn your Dad's passing created such a terrible negative affect in your life @jerrytsuseer
It would be a truly dysfunctional family indeed, when the passing of any parent did NOT have some
Negative effect, but yes you are correct Joan, in this case it truly did.
Mama's kids adored my daddy; why he never legally adopted them we'll never know, and
Would that have made any difference? I don't think so.
His kids by the first marriage were still in shock of their mom's sudden death, and then in
only a few months he married my mama, as he had a VERY young baby who needed a mama,
And Mama's family was destitute and needed him desperately.
His never got over what(the eldest one at least) felt was a betrayal of their mother
Thanks for commenting @joanstewart
Over the years I have seen families ripped apart, destroyed with second marriage on occasion due to not fully understanding (bad age with some), or in some cases a motherly figure arriving... who is not motherly at all or visa versa.
Only thing is to dust off, get on with life since what I refer to as "picking at dead bones" really is not worth it, no one wins, all lose in one way or another. Enjoy your day in which ever way brings some joy Jerry.
I don't see what's left of my family all that often. Once or twice a year due to the 1500 miles between us. I do talk to them routinely.
My Mom's family has a reunion every other year (it was even numbered years until 2020 and now, hopefully, it will be odd numbered years)
Most of the younger generation (my nephews generation) aren't as interested in keeping this going as there was a necessary generational shift and they are more in tune with their 'nuclear' family. I mean I hardly know most of my cousins children let alone their grandchildren and great grandchildren.
I too have seen some family ugliness. My father's sister was all for cutting the 'non blood' relatives completely out when my Grandfather died. With one exception I haven't seen them since.
That is sad isn't it? Wanting to cut out the "non blood" relatives, even though (I assume) time was spent together growing up. In my eyes they are family, none the less.
I've begun to think that the reunion thing is a natural progression.
When I was small, the BIG Smith Reunion, which included my GRANDFATHER's family, brothers and sisters and all their children (those went back to before 1900) was SO big, it was held at the Tattnall Campground.
Literally hundreds of descendents of those great uncles and aunts, who I knew nothing about or now we were connected.
Until this year it was still being held yearly, but it was now down to about 50 people, mostly from the families of 3 of the brothers.
The other families had dropped off the map as far as any of us know
My family is the Roscoe Thurman Smith branch near the top
The others who still show up are from the English Smith branch
Commodore Beecher Smith branch
Claudious Clarence Smith branch, and just a few years ago, a cousin from California
Sought us out. She is from the Stuart Anthony (originally James Bell Smith) branch.
He had a break with the family (long story) left Ga, moved to Cali (and Az ) became a relatively successful screen writer and had a family out there.
#posh
Would be nice to see that enactment you and your family used to do.
Have you or one of your siblings written the plays down? If so, would like to read those stories
@tanjakolader, there was no "screen play" there was no "Play" to write down.
There was only ME, playing the piano while my family MADE UP ROLES to go with this music,
https://soundcloud.com/jesmith-1/melody-of-love
Oh that's even better! Very creative to make up stories as you go; not many can do that