This is a most excellent post @denmarkguy. I have a similar story about me and my daddy, but also very different.
HE was the eldest man of the 7 sibling, whereas I was the youngest of 10.
HE was born in 1914, whereas I was born in 1955, so we were effectively from different worlds, which became apparent in the mid 60's when I went the "Hippy/Flower child" route, long hair, bell bottom jeans with peace symbol, flower power patches sewed on them.
Led Zepplin, Iron Butterfly etc blasting from my room, 48" blacklight in my room for the posters covering the walls.
He was at his wits end trying to relate, and ultimately couldn't.
Mama stood between us, and all told I really had a great deal of freedom, but I wanted more. He WAS proud of me excelling at Piano
He and I were at loggerheads many times, then the unthinkable happened.
I was driving the family car in 1974, having just left church. Mama in the middle, Daddy riding shotgun.
I pulled out in front of a car I didn't see, we were T boned, the impact caught Daddy square in the chest. All ribs broken, pelvic girdle as well. Lungs punctured
Mama had 3 broke ribs and her pelvic girdle as well.
The impact caused the drivers door to pop open, I fell out on the pavement and scraped my elbow.
He lived for 3 wks and 3 days in ICU. On a ventilator so he couldn't speak
No one blamed me, but I did. Oh I spent many years seeking solace and forgiveness FOR myself FROM myself, in the bottom of the bottle.
Of course that didn't work, but as a result of those years, I lost everything.
I am only just in the last 11 yrs begun repairing my life and family relations.
Ah well, that was a lot more than I intended to write, but there it is.
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Wow Jerry, that's quite a story... and quite a weight to cart around till you figured out how to process it and go forward. I can't even imagine.
My dad was born in 1918; I was born in 1960 so we both had "older" dads who struggled to understand who we were... Mrs. Denmarkguy no. 2 (the current one) really helped me see my existence in a different light; how to see my self-definition as something more/different than just my piss-poor choices. I'm still an aging hippy-dippy dude in many ways, but a little less vehement in my rejection of all things I was raised with...
It's all a journey... it's up to us to give it the meaning that affords us a measure of contentment.