Expectations, always expectations, from others and from oneself. Moving through life with the idea that others will meet you where you are at. But the reality is quite different, we are all on our own journey and the best we can do is to accept others for who they are.
But that rarely happens, because it means moving away from your own ego, your own needs and seeing what is happening in the lives of those around you, really seeing.
Its hard to step out of your life sometimes, we can get so wrapped up in our own stories, that having the ability to shed that, can be too taunting for some.
Perhaps it means compromising, or maybe it just means that that is where your path with others will end. Both are fine, change is the only constant in our lives. Embracing change, so that we start making choices about how we want to live, choices that focus on us having an open mind and heart.
Life can be so confusing and overwhelming at times, we tend to carry so much with us all the time. The person we were, the person we hope to be and the person we are now, not to mention the person that we are becoming?
Today I got a bit overwhelmed with all that I am responsible for. I love being a mum and my girls mean the world to me, but it is hard to juggle it all sometimes. I feel the stress build up and it is stress that I put on myself, expectations I put on myself.
Whatever about the expectations I feel from others, it is those that I place on myself, that have the greatest effect. Why must we be so judgemental of ourselves, doubting our decisions. With me, It comes in waves it seems, this inner insecure little girl, rising to the top again. Reminding me of who I was.
Of where I have come from, that girl that felt rejected and ignored. How her experiences laid the foundations for this fortress that I rest in. But always I am reminded of who I was.
Perhaps I ought to let that wounded child go, but why would I. She has made me, into who I am today. She is the one that calls to me to be present and reflective. To take myself outside in my bare feet and sit by myself, to take those moments, no matter how few and to just be!
I am made up, of so many different bits and pieces and each scar that I have, each grey hair, they are my building blocks. They hold my strength and my memories and I wear them proudly like armour.
I see my wounded younger self, as part of the source of my strength. I can see clearly what has led me to where I am in my life now, how it has given me the strength to stand firm in my beliefs and my life choices.
Because, I knew what I was capable of (with a tinge of insecurity, of course). Now I have a fair idea, but I would also like to be surprised somewhat, by my capabilities.
Reflecting on how my life has led me here, how the last 2 years prepared me for what is occurring right now. Yes my shit hit the fan already and I have been through the motions. Now I am out the other side, I think I am ready. I know suffering and I wear it as my armour.
So whatever comes next,bring it on!
I have created a Patreon account so if anyone wishes to support me, please do, I will be sharing poetry and words of empowerment.
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@porters here on behalf of @NaturalMedicine – I love how you find strength from the wounds you endured and that it is through dealing with your struggles that you feel ready for what ever may come, with your Armour in place! Beautiful - Be strong my sister!
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thank you @porters, I always appreciate your words xxx
It’s funny how the little kid still exists inside us and How we can work together with it or alienate it and work against ourselves. I feel like this whole process of integration between who you are now (including who you want to be) and who you have been Is what growing up is.
You are tough as hell!
I’m a little flaky on chain but if you ever need someone to talk to I’ll be there!
exactly, thank you my friend and same goes with me, I'm here if you need me xx
Oh that word , suffering , what would we be if we didnt know what it is
And what are we knowing what it is ?
Our world is not a peaceful land of love but our heart tells another story .
Be safe my friend ❤️
much love @opidia xx
I could write a comment , but i won't , just enjoy the music .. :-)
thank you @small1axe, I am a fan of Damien, I saw him live about 12 years ago. This song says it all, I hope you are well my friend xx
When you can let the suffering you clutch as armour drop to return to the earth, you will be truly strengthened and nourished. It is long gone. It made you, just as a pencil makes a drawing, but we don't see the pencil taped across the artwork as proof.
Sending love. Your first image is wonderful. 😍
Thank you and yes I do need to let that armour return to the earth but I am so stubborn , it will come. Much love to you xxx