I wish I could say something to make you feel better. This year is my 9th anniversary of my mom's death. This year I also lost my dad. Although, I missed both terribly, it was my mom that hit me the most. A few months after her death, we were in no mood to celebrate Christmas, but my dad insisted since she was such a Christmas lover. We didn't celebrate New Year's eve, though.
I appreciate your words Mamshie, because this is the time of the year when I feel more alone than ever. I had my sister and she lives next door, but without my parents the house feels lonely. It's difficult to move along with such a pain within us. Maybe it's a chance to have a different Christmas this year. I don't know, but I wish you the best for you, Beren and your kids, and I hope this gets you closer together as a family. I feel good things are coming next year and as you said, it's OK to feel bad. Sometimes we pretend that everything is fine, when it isn't and that is such a soul crusher. It's better to let it out, it maybe anger, solitude or sadness. It's OK.
A huge hug from Costa Rica for you and your family!
Thank you cpol. I am sorry that you are suffering too! I am sorry for your losses. <3 Big hugs to you!