As a super important influencer in the blogging/lifestyle community I just LOVE my FANS. I also will only start referring to myself in the third person to solidify my super duper important non influencer status.
REMEMBER TO BE NATURAL AND EVERYONE WILL LOVE YOU AND GIVE YOU MONIES!
YOU WILL HANG ONTO THE BATTLEAXE'S EVERY WORD. I WILL TOUR THE WORLD AND WRITE ABOUT MAKEUP TUTORIALS WHILE SNORKELING WITH ACCIDENTAL NIPSLIPS AND BUTT SHOTS......oooopsies
SO here is my makeup tutorial, um, I mean "the Battleaxe's" Makeup tutorial. It's very deep and complex and if I can't save and empower the world and womyns with makeup tips then what can I do? (macrophotography of bugs on leaves?) this post is very groundbreaking and everything in it is totally life changing on an ATOMIC level. Through tips about how to use such things as
LIPSTICK
CONTOURING
PHOTOSHOP AND ANGLES TO REALLY MAKE THE MENS ON HERE UV YOUR EARTH SHATTERING MUSINGS ABOUT MUFFINS OR BUGS ON LEAVES
EYE SHADOW
CONCEALER...........FOREVER 19 AMIRITE?
BLUSH, POWDER, SETTING POWDER, MAKEUP, GLOW MAKEUP, HIGHLIGHTING, MASCARA AND MORE!
Even more makeup to then cover up the lines of the makeup and then blend it in with a sponge, make sure to totally cover your under eyeballs in yellow and pink sludge to look like you actually have no features except eyeballs, nostril slits and big huge lips!
To apply the lipstick you must first use a lip pencil to draw in lips to make them bigger looking so men think you will be good at sucking on things like straws in fancy drinks. You then take a tube of the lipstick or a palette of lip goop and find a color to enhance your natural sexiness. NEVER DRAW OUTSIDE THE LINES! Paint your lips to look like a Baboon's Ass. Men find this sexy.
You will be the Talk of the town with those scrumptious Pink lips! I say Pink or red for lipstick because anything else looks like shit or you are on your way to some bizarre Comic or Cosplay convention to hook up with a neckbeard probably also wearing lipstick. MAKEUP IS FOR EVERYONE!!!
Don't worry about the rest of the tutorial because on the internet almost everyone is full of shit and uses tons of filters or second life characters or photoshops themself or puts on so much effing makeup to fool you into thinking they are going to kiss you allll over and love you for you and not your wallet!
Literally anyone with todays tech and b.s. can look "hot" and MEN are usually too dumb to realize that women online especially do ALL kinds of tricks to make ya' like us. Just like some men think throwing shit coins at women make us wet (for some for sure), a lot of us women think that being fake af is silly. I've put up a picture of me with no makeup a year ago somewhere on Steemit, (enjoy your hunting )
Thanks to Giphy and Keepin' It Real on "Hive".
Excellent and well written.
oooh fingers crossed it will make that tree fiddy mark ;)
💰💲🤑💲💰MUNNAY...Everyone needs it!💰💲🤑💲💰
uv myself cause>>>>>>>>>>>>WOMYN POWER
Right at $3.02 so far!
you put SO much love and thought into that comment I got moist
to be fair, Check this out, pretty damn amazing
AH! AH! AH! AH! AH!
Baboon's A$$ 🤩
Math IS hard, cool pic of the actual illusions that go on in places like Hive though...looks at voting list
smiles
fun this is ONLY A HOBBY ;) must really suck if it had to be moar
upvoting since my blog mines others coins I'll just give myself ROI :) yay mining
Can confirm: Men love baboon ass lips.
This is what I call the BEST makeup tutorial I've ever seen in my life. Finally after all these years I know what to buy ... and how to use it properly.
Never thought I would even consider abandoning the "natural no makeup look" but yeah ...
The baboon ass, genius!
thank you so much, somebody is a mod for BSB :P
Somebody saw it ... :D
mmmmmmhmmmmmmmm
Oh, yes! That is what I need. A makeup artist. All these years I have been made up to look like me instead. WTH was I thinking?
As a self proclaimed make up tutorial and lifestyle guru/coach I am going to go meditate on this for 4 hours. We NEVER should look like ourselves, I mean if we aren't all Instagram famous then what IS LIFE ABOUT? Damnit Swigle, you just made me have an Existential crisis. ;)
lol, going right now to watch some videos of people applying mascara because....... Kylie Jenner is my hero, don't judge
Oh, horrors! I think I do look like me! All the time, which only means I need to power-down, disappear, and reappear as someone else.
Works for me. Maybe Kylie can give me advice on my blonde eyelashes, my eyes are invisible because you can's see my lashes.
I wouldn't judge... Okay, maybe in my head, but, I cannot help what it thinks, ya know?
!tip
lol hehe the struggle is real
🎁 Hi @battleaxe! You have received 0.1 HIVE tip from @dswigle!
Check out @dswigle blog here and follow if you like the content :)
Sending tips with @tipU - how to guide.
You crack me up! "I also will only start referring to myself in the third person to solidify my super duper important non influencer status." I almost lost my coffee from that and it was just the start!!!!
Girl! You are funny! Please tell me it was supposed to be funny...
;) I am both shocked and in another existential crisis about my makeup tutorial guru status!!! The fact that every Womyn isn't applying contouring and glow powder and doing a smokey "cat eye" has made THE BATTLEAXE so sad.
The Battleaxe just wants to be a huge huggie inspiration for all my "FANS". Nothing says confidence like totally altering oneself for the sheer amusement of online dudes. How else can I pay for my Chanel palettes? ;) yes is totally satire but am sure for a ton they actually are derpy enough to think this is real.
OMG A MAN!!!!! must not have pores, more powder, more powder!!!!!! An airdrop is coming and need to look hot af
The Battleaxe is cracking me up yet again... Need to remember NOT to drink anything while looking at the Battleaxe's posts.
!tip
🎁 Hi @battleaxe! You have received 0.1 HIVE tip from @xcountytravelers!
@xcountytravelers wrote lately about: When A Heart Breaks Part 3 - The Inbetween Feel free to follow @xcountytravelers if you like it :)
Sending tips with @tipU - how to guide.
There is appropriate makeup and then, there is appropriate makeup. LOL ;-)
so true.... I just feel like making people go through hundreds of blogs to try to find my naked face will be hilarious :P
here's another example
and the winner is this one where def digital manipulation but what the fu*kadoo?
MEN , if you think with your dicks too hard you will wind up with this, my Uncle Morty always called shallow mens ...MORANS, not morons, but morans cause he had a Yiddish accent cause he escaped the Holocaust,messed up I know but feel like am doing the dumbass men a service lol ;) the ones who even read my stuff know for years I do Satire
I am so Impressed!
Damn, in the effort to simplify my life and I cleaned out my Cosmetics case last year and chucked my old glitter applique and those glow in the dark lipsticks.
am sure the fact I said anything about makeup pissed off some, the fact I said baboon pissed off Vegans, the fact I used women, pissed of feminazis and the fact I did it on Hive makes meh proud lmfao ;)
You may see me carry around a Protest Sign "DE-FUND THE LANGUAGE POLICE!"
When those kinds of people reach past their 30s and 40s will realize just how much they missed in life believing the crap.
Tree.Fiddy maybe
💪😎👍
ooooh wheeeeeeeeee you never know, to the moooooooon, super influencer lifestyle blogger princess power
(barfs)
🤢🤮
🤣😹😂😹🤣
back to 3 oh no
wowie
zowie