Why do we fall in love with certain people and why it is so hard to get over someone?
Well, it all has to do with you.
First, there are certain people you are destined to meet. And certain people your destined to fall in love with. It is very meticulously arranged in pre-life meetings.
However this, from your perspective, is very fluid. You have free choice in every interaction. And, you made arrangements for each of the choices you might make.
The person you attract as your lover is a reflection of the parts of you that you wish to work on. And they will continue to be in your life until you have healed these aspects. (you can get rid of one relationship before you are finished healing, but you will get another almost exactly the same)
So, there is an energy attracting you to your destined lover and a connection of a mirror that is reflecting to yourself that which you deeply want to heal. And so, your body is all set to fall in love with these people. And you will stay attracted to these kinds of people until you do your healing.
The way you get over someone is to heal that hole in your heart.
Whether its low self worth, insecurity, daddy issues... as soon as you heal this, actually almost as soon as you recognize it and start healing, that person will be gone from your heart and your life.
(The weird thing is that your new person, with the next thing you wish to healed, may be the same person, so so not fear that healing yourself will drive away your current life partner)
After a break up, you are left with a literal hole in your heart.
It is just the same with loved-ones (family, etc) that pass away. That connection you had, an actual energetic cord, is ripped out of your heart.
On top of this, your brain / mind is used to certain chemicals created by certain contact that you used to have throughout the day. So, not only are there changes in how you spend your day, but there are also changes in dopamine, serotonin and many other chemicals that made your normal. The emotional normal you used to have.
You miss all of these things. You feel weird, off balance, not normal. And your brain wants those chemicals it used to get, and your brain has an association with your missing partner as the place to get those. So, your brain keeps trying to get you to go get more of those chemicals from your previous source.
When you understand the feelings and emotions flowing through you, it is easier to detox yourself, and then use this new solitude to finish off that life lesson.
Then you will be ready for a new better relationship.
(yes, the level of your relationship has to do with the amount of love you can give yourself, and that requires healing and practice)
Hope that gives you some insight.
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thats a great answer! really makes sense
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There is no escape, you just have to make the decision to close the cycles and thus make way for something new. But forgetting is very difficult ... because memories are haunting. Un gran saludo.
I do not mean to attack, but this is completely untrue.
Everyone i know who has healed their specific trauma has escaped and created a much happier, much more fulfilling life.
You cannot make a decision to close the cycles. They will continue until you heal them.
It is a higher order that keeps the cycle repeating, so it is not breakable through will or choice.
Forgetting is quite easy.
I do not know how to explain this to someone who has a part of them that keeps bringing up the pain over and over and over.
So, you heal the trauma within you, and you also work with (tell that part of you to shut up, it is really out of control) the inner critic then that past just, like, fades away never to interrupt your life again.
A book that really helps is
Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving - Pete Walker
Via con Dios