Because the positive is not always accepted as good vibes...
What's the response do we usually give when our friends tell us about their problems? Is it like this
"..., your spirit can definitely pass all this."
"..., be patient out there are still many situations that are worse than you."
"... You have to think positively. This is all God's will."
"..., don't be weakness. Just rise up."
"..., Think Positive, Be Positive,”
"..., Be strong, things will get better."
etc.
Is it like that?
Then, is the answer really supposed and appropriate for us to say right away?
Then for those of you who tell your friends about your problems, getting answers like that does it feel soothing or does it even make you feel annoyed and the burden you are facing is getting heavier?
Answer honestly!
Well...Giving positive suggestions can not all be accepted positively, but sometimes it can have a negative effect on the other person.
So, then positive suggestions are bad? Even though there is an expression that says "to always think positively".
The answer is not really, but look at the place and the situation first. For this expression so that those who have problems synchronize themselves with them, it is not your job to force them to always think positively. Because we are human, there are times when we can be so strong there are times when we are also very weak and feel like we falling in blue when we are hit by problems.
Giving positive words to the interlocutor who is in trouble can make the other person feel disrespected and judged as underestimating them. -Wood et.al (2009) in his journal Psychological Science.
Place something in the right place
If something is not placed in their right place, it will become a dark side for others. Likewise good advice, sometimes being something that stings others and even culminates in depression when the person is not feeling well. It's like you make a joke that makes other people feel offended by you, even though you just want to break the situation but it's out of place.
Today's digital life affiliates with social relationships that were previously only enjoyed in small boxes, such as between family members, work friends, school friends, neighbors, acquaintances. But now it is expanding on a global scale throughout the world, even most of the people we do not know at all, have different languages, different cultures. Mental health awareness has become a serious problem today, all starting with uncontrolled thumbs when typing something in their social media.
TOxic Positivity is like a paradox of positive speech with a toxic tone to those who receive it. Yes ... maybe your intention is just to want someone to get up from something bad that happened to them, but remember not everyone can receive positive advice or an encouraging response during these circumstances. And it's a natural thing, I'm sure everyone has experienced it, I have too. There was a feeling of hatred towards these people, and at that moment I felt that no one could understand my situation, as if the world had silenced my feelings to speak out so that it forced me to rise up myself from this situation. Imagine if a person could not mentally force themself to accept it, there was definitely worsening depression. At that time, I personally felt that I didn't need words of encouragement, all I needed was to listen to and be hugged, because at least it made my heart feel relieved.
Every one of us has a problem, and when it happens it's natural that we need someone we trust to tell the story. Try asking each of us, when a problem occurs what exactly we want by telling a story, "tend to want to be understood about our position at that time, right?"
We cannot blame our friends for the positive response given to us at that time because it may have good intentions to encourage, but at least we now know that not all of our positive words to someone who is afflicted with problems can be accepted and even become boomerang as TOxic Positivity. At least we also know, from now on not to become TOxic Positivity for others. It is wiser to speak.
So ... What's the Solution?
The habit of looking at every problem from the positive side and trying to turn off any negative thoughts that arise, will gradually turn off our brain's response to the cautionary sides of the bad conditions that will befall. Likewise, someone who is in trouble and is suggested to always think positively, they are not automatically able to think positively as we want. If you really want to be sad, let it be sad, you want to cry, let it cry, because these are our human characteristics. The point is, don't over do it.
When we are in trouble telling stories to people we trust is the first thing we want to do, at least the thing this can be the first solution to make our hearts a little bit relieved. But remember, before we tell someone to be able to better prepare us mentally when accidentally a positive response given by our friends ends up being a negative response for us. Because we really can't control what other people give to us. Pretending to smile is not a good thing when we get a TOxic Positivity response, but we must learn to accept reality and try to understand ourselves to whatever response someone gives us when we talk about our problems.
This is the opposite, there are times when we get into trouble but there are also times when we have to be good listeners for our friends who are in trouble. So try to enter into our friend's situation, feel what they feels, arrange the words that they can at least receive at that time (for example when our friend is having an affair problem) such as saying "I'm sorry about the problem you are facing today. , and it's a natural thing to make yourself feel angry and betrayed". This empathy makes our friends feel that they are understood, that someone understands their feelings at that time, etc. Once again, empathy is more important than a positive word in certain situations, because feeling optimistic at that time will only become TOxic Positivity. So let's start learning empathy when our friends need to be heard, because there are times when we are in trouble and we just need to be heard, not advised. Maybe the point is that we can better organize the words in our conversation, it's okay to give positive words but there is a break from our empathy as the first.[]
An original content, & all the images are free templates from canva design by myself
hello dear friend @dwiitavita good day
I loved your post, I appreciate that you have touched on the subject and gave your opinion, it is something very common that happens
have a wonderful day
Thank you so much @jlufer
Thank you so much @jlufer