As I was walking back and forth, staring at my laptop trying to think of my first ever blog content, I can't help but end up getting confused. I was listing all of the possible topics that I would post in my blog but nothing seemed to satisfy me. I want my first post to be unique, a bit controversial, something that would make my readers be engrossed. I decided to take a mini-break from all the thinking for I noticed that I was slowly becoming like "The thinker" sculpture of Auguste Rodin. As I scrolled through TikTok, there was a trend wherein people would make videos of their casual conversation with their friends until it cuts to the last part wherein they have realizations. I had like a eureka moment and decided I would post about what women go through.
If I wasn't clear enough, my content for this blog will be about consent and how it is undervalued. I've had a mini quick interview with 4 people whom I know were victims of sexual assault, harassment, and/or rape. I asked for their consent and they willingly agreed to share their story. Of course, under no account shall I divulge their names for I will be utilizing aliases to protect their identity and privacy.
I interviewed 4 women namely Sandra, Casey, Bella and Andrea. Four different women, all with different stories.
My first interviewee was Andrea, she has this "go with the flow" personality and is very approachable. As I asked her about her story, she seems happy to share but she displays this very subtle hint towards me that still she is in denial of what happened to her. She shared to me how she once had an ex-boyfriend who continuously asked her to have sex with him, she kept denying until she eventually gave in of what his boyfriend wanted just so he would shut up. It ended up as a routine whenever they would be together until consent was more implied due to her silence and lack of protest. She realized that she was raped a few years later due to her lack of knowledge.
Bella on the other hand was in her first year of high school when it all happened. She was 14 years old when her boyfriend tried to put his finger inside her vagina. She was frozen shocked as to what was happening until he placed his penis inside her without consent. She felt so violated that she immediately ran away from his house, shaken and distraught. She couldn't believe how one person whom she trusted and told how much she values herself had done that vile action.
Casey's case also involves men touching women without consent. When she and her mom hopped from one floor to another using the escalator, there was this guy who kept on pushing himself on her back. She ignored it at first thinking it was unintentional or maybe because the number of people who rode the escalator led to people pushing. To her surprise, a hand suddenly squeezed her butt aggressively which left her in awe. The only thing she was able to do back then was cry. she was stiff as a rock, which caught the mom's attention. She asked her what was wrong but no words would come out of her mouth, not a single word. It was as if someone had sown shut her mouth. Eventually, she managed to tell her mom and her mom without a doubt tried to call out the creeper publicly until he was lost in the vicinity.
However, in Sandra's case, its so distinctive that the first time I heard it, I was emotionally scarred. Sandra's first encounter happened when she was a child, she couldn't quite recall what age she was back then but she told me it was between 5-7 years old. Being as an innocent child as she was, she was merely playing when her uncle called her unexpectedly. His uncle told her not to move as he was touching her private parts. She just stood there silent and confused but as soon as she was uncomfortable, she removed his hands. Still, his uncle kept on making advances. He would slowly stroke her back and was about to slide his finger inside her when luckily she was called by her father. In her mind, she thought that due to her silence maybe it was implying consent already but we all know it isn't and cannot blame her for she was only a child when it happened. But it didn't end there.
When Sandra reached puberty, there were physical changes to her body. Such as breasts. As she was being tasked to watch over her grandmother, a male relative of hers tried to initiate advances towards her. At first, it was in a subtle way of trying to compare hand sizes, but with her history of sexual harassment, she easily gets uncomfortable and moved her hand quickly. Unfortunately, It didn't stop there. This relative of hers ended up complementing how her boobs looked good when she is wearing a white sando. For her, she didn't notice that she was making physical changes since she claimed that she didn't experience how other girls would experience breasts changes which are painful and overall uncomfortable.
Eventually, it turned dark when he would be proclaiming how he likes her and how he would want to court her. All of the events that she had to go through in her life ended up scarring her. She would purposely wear boyish clothes to look bad, purposely slouch as to cover her breasts and not attract anyone or wear oversized clothing just so she would cover her body. Luckily, someone stepped in and explained to her that she has been sexually harassed. Sandra being innocent and having no idea of what sexual harassment is, ended up feeling angry at the same time disgusted as to how these people could do such a thing.
Four different women, all different and unique stories with one problem, and that is Consent. Consent if not expressed in the words of "Yes" and "I allow" is not consent. Women are treated like objects by these men who I would like to call "Creepers". They treat women as an object for pleasure and satisfaction. A gateway for them to release their urging need for ejaculation. What's worse is that it happens to almost all of the women but most of them ended up confused if indeed it was either sexual assault, harassment or rape. Due to the lack of sexual education being imposed in schools in the Philippines, a lot of women think it is okay to be touched without consent. That for men, being silent and complacent means "Yes".
"Yes" and only "Yes" is the form of consent. Being complacent and silent is never consent. It is a shame that women go through these experiences in their lives. Moreover, These victims end up realizing what has been done to them all too late. And that trauma, shame and disgust they feel within themselves will forever be imprinted in their mind. Consent is so easily abused and undervalued that people seem to forget that Consent is a powerful word. Such power it holds that if consent is not given, the victim can actually press charges with the right evidence.
By all accounts, women are never safe. A lot would stay silent. I encourage the women who experience this to speak up and never be afraid. You are not alone and we are in this fight together with you. It might seem that no one cares but trust me, you don't have to go through all that trauma alone. You can share them to us, to the people whom you love and trust the most. Because women who stick together are stronger than ever.
--end--
The photos that are used are not originally made by the author but are taken from Pinterest. Only the opening banner and closing banner are hers. Thank you
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