Let me be real honest: From a daughter to her Mom, just a few words...
Conflict, that's the key word to understand my mind in this post. Since practically all my life, I have been torn between what I have been, and still am, and what I was supposed to be and turned out to be.... I'm not trying to confuse you. I'm just giving you a little bit of context about my personal and, frankly disappointing, relationship with my mother.... Particularly, she is not the devil herself but she has been the cause of many of my human conflicts (traumas) and many of my insecurities and anger are also related to her and our ‘relationship’...
Mother and daughter. In principle, there is nothing wrong with these two words. In fact, I wish I had grown up in one of those environments that you can see in the Christian magazines that knock on my door on a Sunday morning at 7am on my only day off during the week.... You know, where everything and everyone looks happy, fantastic and lively. In my case, the only times I ever saw my mother genuinely smile was when my brother (older than me) was home and talked to her for 5 minutes about whatever. It's hard to admit to yourself that you will always have to start with disadvantages towards your own mother.
I don't know what it's like wherever you grew up (and I don't mean that in a disrespectful way, please don't get the wrong idea) but in my life, I always struggled with my mother's disappointed face. If I had a headache, she ‘lied’, if she said I couldn't see well in the classroom, she “exaggerated”, if I was afraid when the power went out during a storm, and I needed reassurance and a hug, I ended up ignored and with a brief gesture (as cold, as the storm itself) as a ‘reward’.
I wish I had known what it felt like to have an accomplice by your side. A fair but kind woman. I didn't get a sick or obnoxious and violent person but someone emotionally distant in every way towards me. It took me decades to understand the concept of abandonment from my mother, and to stop (obsessively) seeking her (or others') approval... I grew up without self-confidence, and with a big social problem. Practically, in my house, the whole world was a kind of pack of psychopaths crouching to devour me, and therefore I didn't dare to be me, the one I have always been, but didn't choose to follow?
Moral hazard? None. I know I will make endless mistakes in raising my daughter. There is no formula for being a successful and all-around good parent, I know that; but I will never be like she (my mother) was to me. Maybe that's why my relationship with my daughter is so close. And I practically like to be that person who hugs and kisses her just because I feel like it. You know what they say, we tend to project what we longed for and didn't get. It's the closest step to catharsis. To healing. And this brief story between a mother and a daughter is also a reminder that women can shape the lives of other women in unimaginable ways. There is no happy ending, there is only a for now....
I was an academic disappointment to my Mom. She was a high achieving university student where as I finished near the bottom of my class in High School. Eventually In the absence of my late father I drew closer to my mom and we had the opportunity to put the past behind us well before she passed away.
I see @chris-chris92. Thanks @chris-chris92 ❤️
So you had a happy ending with your dear mommy. Loved that! It was nice to read your words. Thanks for stopping by
How difficult it is to live with a person who should be the one who loves us and takes care of us but ends up hurting us with her attitude, you are really brave for trying to do it differently with your daughter, maybe things should have been different in your life but I am sure that even though your mom has that way of acting, you were born with such a big heart that is able to differentiate what is right or wrong being a mom. I hug you from afar and hope your days are filled with love with your little one. 🧡
Thank you, I'm fine but I appreciate the good will of yours!
It is sad that your relationship with your mother was so hard but I am left with a latent question did you ever talk to her about how her attitude made you feel? Obviously I don't want to comment on your relationship because I don't know you and your mother, but sometimes bad relationships come from misunderstandings that have never been cleared up, sometimes we have a bad impression of our mothers or children because we don't sit down and talk about our feelings, and believe me, it's never too late to say “it hurts” “forgive me” and above all “I love you” May God bless you greatly and may you heal.
You really read myvpost, I can tell from here... Yeah, of course I did asked her about everything but she was and she is (still) to proud to acknowledge anything...
Am so sorry you had to go through that at such a young age, I hope you can find healing as well as forgiveness towards her.
I have poor non many regrets in this life. I know for sure what I won't be able to do or imposed someone's else. Thanks for stopped by, love!
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