Hello, ladies. I've been thinking about posting in this community for a while but it felt weird, still does, to be honest. However, since it's open to everyone willing to discuss the topics sensitive to women around the globe, I finally decided to give it a shot.
First off, my name is Javier Liendo and I live in Venezuela. Some of you may know my work, but for those who don't, I'm into spirituality, read Runes and use Astrology, among other things. During my personal process, I've had to make deep reviews of my past, the most relevant of them for this context have had to do with my female relationships, relatives, friends and couples. I've talked about that in detail in previous posts, if you feel that I should share them here for you to better understand what I'm saying, let me know. I'll read through my content and extract the information in a different publication.
I've identified times where I was verbally and psychologically transgressive toward women and also when I was myself the subject of abuse on their part. I've worked hard on those things in order to liberate myself from the weight of that record, asking for forgiveness and also forgiving, even allowing myself to become the channel of that forgiveness on behalf of all other men to the best of my ability. Thanks to this work, I've developed enormous awareness of the plights of women worldwide both now and in other moments of history, which has made me far more respectful of their personal space, but I've been noticing that, due to some very disheartening encounters, this respect has been turning into a distant, mistrustful attitude that I don't like at all and that I think has begun to hinder my approach to romantic and sexual attraction in particular.
To give you some idea of what I mean, I stopped staring at any woman's body even on social media regardless of how attractive she might be, preferring to look them in the eye if possible or just move on entirely. I also never initiate physical contact unless expressly invited to do so, and then only to the extent that I feel is appropriate depending on the woman's response. Moreover, I generally listen and observe more than I talk. I've realized that many women find this off-putting and strange, though, and I'd really like to resume a more playful, fun interaction from now on, so here's the question: How do you like to be treated by a man, especially a stranger?
Thank you in advance for your replies!
Hmm to have a man take the time to talk to me and also listen to me, to look me in the eye and be respectful. I´m pretty shy when it comes to meeting people for the first time and I am also really bad at picking up if someone actually does like me. So patience as well is important.
I really appreciate you asking this question Javier, we are all different, so I guess really you just have to take the time to get to know someone and feel their energy. That will tell you a lot xxxx
Thank you, my friend! Well, by the responses here so far, I think that I'm in a considerable advantage when it comes to approaching women, which makes me really glad. I can totally take my time and enjoy the process. I'm also very good at sensing how the energy's flowing. Quite happy to have asked this question!
Hello there!
I just read your previous post from the link attached. I'm happy that you are wise and got that experience out of your system while growing at the same time.
Yes, there were so many red flags, that only someone with strength self-awareness and courage could have entertained such a character despite seeing all those red flags and doubts; So good on you for that.
I guess I'm the same as a woman, and somehow I'd be appreciative of a man who took such approach.
I like to take things slowly. If there's an initial attraction, that I feel is reciprocated, then I would like that person to get to know and understand me, and I would like to do the same and get to know and understand the stranger:)
Thank you so much for your reply. Yes, it was a bit of a challenge to give that woman time to express herself despite the obvious pitfalls without judging or disrespecting her. I was also dealing with some intense situations at home at the time and neither of my sisters heard a blip of what was going on or felt a change in my behavior despite the peaks of stress that I experienced, which I'm truly proud of.
I've found that silence and attention are conducive to a more thorough and real connection than dialogue sometimes, but it's possible to go too far with that and end up seeming cold, even arrogant, which is what I'd rather avoid. I definitely know how to take my time, though, so I think I'm in an excellent position.
I like to be looked in the eyes and be treated like the intelligent woman I am. Especially when I'm with my man, sometimes deference goes to him and they look at him not me which drives me wild. But that is fairly rare these days here I find. I hate it when I'm treated as a woman not a human, which can mean men are being condescending and belittling as they see us as lesser. Again it's more rare but it happens and when it does I get really bloody worked up. I'm sure you won't do that! Just being a good human gives off good vibes I'm sure.
Thank you, dear! Yeah, I entirely understand what you mean about intelligence and condescension, although I've seen that in both genders, sadly, probably a kind of mutual reaction to long years of all sorts of misconceptions and mistreatment. I'm happy to say that I'm not at all part of that game, though. Yeah, it's generally sufficient to be a decent person, I agree.
Exactly. Lead from the heart and what can possibly go wrong? ..... perhaps.. he he x
I would argue that if you condescend to a man and read him wrong, your life could be in mortal danger. As a woman, that's what we are on alert for, all the time.
I hate when men do this too 😆 I think (and hope) the people I surround myself with do not do this.
I think there's less of that these days. It's nice.
Well, it's a good question thanks for sharing this, the woman needs more of love, privacy and friendship.
It's best to be with the woman compactible with you. Ensure she is of a genotype that matches yours and she can tolerate you just like you will tolerate her.
She is not perfect likewise you but you people can build each other to perfection in love.
Thanks for sharing this , do have an awesome period.
Thank you! Yes, I think a lot of the frustrations that arise during interaction not just between genders but across all of humanity originate from unrealistic expectations. I avoid expectations in general and seek to be open-minded at all times, to keep opinions in check and do away with judgments when I find them in myself. I'm glad that you took the time to answer, much appreciated. Be well!
Your past experience which I read about in your previous post was really something disheartening. Not all women are like that but yeah, there are those that are, sadly.
It's normal actually for men to listen more than talk. Women tend to talk a lot. 😅
Just be yourself. There's no need to try hard if that's not your personality. 😊
I guess, with respect. It's actually a hard question that I had to ponder for a while but for me, I want someone to treat me with respect, maybe as a friend. It's okay to be a little playful but know the limits.
Thank you so much! Yeah, that woman was quite "special" as far as my experiences go and I'd never hold her as a standard for female behavior, though I've met others like her before.
I love being myself, it's why I decided to ask this question, because I don't want to assume that my perception is definitive and also, I don't think enough men ask these kinds of questions, and we totally should. I know too many men who just go around presuming to know stuff they haven't corroborated in any way.
It's very easy for me to be respectful of anyone's space, particularly women, so I got that covered. Much appreciated!
You are so thoughtful! I hope you'll find someone who values you~
Once again, thank you!
This is the more vulnerable you, yes, but you are also opening up some really nice conversations here. I like that you posted it in this particular community. I’m enjoying reading the comments.
The fact that you make an effort to not stare at women is one I’ve thought about a lot since I heard it. I have been more self aware since you first told me this. I used to glance a lot, almost unconsciously, as respectfully as possible though. Less so these days since I am in a relationship and in my own world a lot more.
I rarely felt I made anyone uncomfortable because I was aware of certain cues. At times it led to some fun conversations, friendships or dates if it was a place I could approach them (it was rarely with any specific intentions, although things did happen sometimes). I am sure there were a few times where too much staring made them uncomfortable and sometimes I may not have picked up on, but the positive encounters I have had make it hard to regret anything, I doubt I’ve ever made anyone feel deeply violated.
The rule of thumb I go on now is to go by how open they seem to strangers and to my energy in particular. If THEY are glancing around with curiosity or out of boredom (not out of fear), I don’t need to feel bad for looking their way but never more than they might look back (with positivity) and always with curiosity or friendliness, no sense of dominance and always being aware of their personality and aura more than their looks. They are not my pray, just curious creatures as we all are. As for their body it depends how much they are showing. If someone exposes themselves…well they absolutely don’t deserve abuse or disrespect, but I don’t feel guilty about a quick glance after they’ve signaled even a tiny bit of interest. The most respectful glance possible.
the culture is obviously massively important to consider. I’m saying all this with your current location in mind. In Japan I tune it down a whole lot, except in maybe a tiny cafe or bar where it’s actually possible to strike up a conversation. It’s very easy not to stare at anyone’s bodies when they hardly show them 😆
Also I try to be playful with EVERYONE, it’s better social lubricant than alcohol. I “flirt” with old people and couples as much as I do with attractive women. You can get very flirtatious without being sexual at all. This is fun for me. In the end, I think it’s really about how you interact with whatever it is they are putting out there. If your intentions are open-ended, it’s a lot harder to be disrespectful, so that’s always been my approach. I don’t look at men and women any differently except for the fact that I enjoy looking at women more and I keep that in check to the extent that it doesn’t complicate the possibility for friendship. 😆
I think many women will tell you “it depends”. So I guess men just need to work on their practical application of EQ.
Maybe I should have share this as a post too 😆 if any women read this feel free to respond 🎉
Thanks, man! Yes, this post was very informative and I'm grateful to everyone who replied, this is valuable data that a lot of men don't pay attention to, in my experience. Context has a lot to do with this topic, as you say, and I guess partly my doubts arose from the fact that I haven't been socially active for years due to my personal process.