This is the more vulnerable you, yes, but you are also opening up some really nice conversations here. I like that you posted it in this particular community. I’m enjoying reading the comments.
The fact that you make an effort to not stare at women is one I’ve thought about a lot since I heard it. I have been more self aware since you first told me this. I used to glance a lot, almost unconsciously, as respectfully as possible though. Less so these days since I am in a relationship and in my own world a lot more.
I rarely felt I made anyone uncomfortable because I was aware of certain cues. At times it led to some fun conversations, friendships or dates if it was a place I could approach them (it was rarely with any specific intentions, although things did happen sometimes). I am sure there were a few times where too much staring made them uncomfortable and sometimes I may not have picked up on, but the positive encounters I have had make it hard to regret anything, I doubt I’ve ever made anyone feel deeply violated.
The rule of thumb I go on now is to go by how open they seem to strangers and to my energy in particular. If THEY are glancing around with curiosity or out of boredom (not out of fear), I don’t need to feel bad for looking their way but never more than they might look back (with positivity) and always with curiosity or friendliness, no sense of dominance and always being aware of their personality and aura more than their looks. They are not my pray, just curious creatures as we all are. As for their body it depends how much they are showing. If someone exposes themselves…well they absolutely don’t deserve abuse or disrespect, but I don’t feel guilty about a quick glance after they’ve signaled even a tiny bit of interest. The most respectful glance possible.
the culture is obviously massively important to consider. I’m saying all this with your current location in mind. In Japan I tune it down a whole lot, except in maybe a tiny cafe or bar where it’s actually possible to strike up a conversation. It’s very easy not to stare at anyone’s bodies when they hardly show them 😆
Also I try to be playful with EVERYONE, it’s better social lubricant than alcohol. I “flirt” with old people and couples as much as I do with attractive women. You can get very flirtatious without being sexual at all. This is fun for me. In the end, I think it’s really about how you interact with whatever it is they are putting out there. If your intentions are open-ended, it’s a lot harder to be disrespectful, so that’s always been my approach. I don’t look at men and women any differently except for the fact that I enjoy looking at women more and I keep that in check to the extent that it doesn’t complicate the possibility for friendship. 😆
I think many women will tell you “it depends”. So I guess men just need to work on their practical application of EQ.
Maybe I should have share this as a post too 😆 if any women read this feel free to respond 🎉
Thanks, man! Yes, this post was very informative and I'm grateful to everyone who replied, this is valuable data that a lot of men don't pay attention to, in my experience. Context has a lot to do with this topic, as you say, and I guess partly my doubts arose from the fact that I haven't been socially active for years due to my personal process.