From Doubt To Strength... LOH#260

[marsdave]

This topic calls for honesty. So, let's give it that.

My heart sank the moment I saw my NYSC (National Youth Service Corps) posting letter. I had wanted so much to remain in Ibadan; I wanted to be in a town or somewhere close to home/family. But my letter boldly shows Igbeti. A place in the same state, but more rural than urban, very far away from the town of Ibadan. I have never been there, but I've heard little about it, how it was a village. I watched as others hugged each other and shouted as they saw they had been posted somewhere nice. I watched them and felt left out/unlucky.

Before I left for the three weeks of camping that happened to be the first step in the one year service year, I had had some talks with my mom, and I can vividly recall how she had held my hands and said, "Toyosi, life will not always give you what you want, and it will not always take you where you want, but never lose your strength, and remain prayerful." I just smiled; I never really understood what she meant. But while in camp, those words started becoming meaningful.

The first few days in camp were somehow the crowd, the noise, the environment, the drills, the early wake-up, the food, the sun, the parade, and all obviously weren't for me, coupled with the fact that my health is a bit off somehow. There are times I just sit down, look around, and watch as everyone goes about doing their thing, and I just wonder if I belong here at all. Are all of these people not feeling like me, or have they just adapted to the way things are? I started experiencing self-doubt. What if I can't handle what was coming next? What if I don't like where I will be posted to to complete the remaining eleven months of my service year?

I had made friends while in camp, but one particular night, it was during the social night, I didn't sit together with my friends; I took my chair to the back just so I could think about my life. Not long after, a female soldier walked up to me with her chair and sat next to me. She smiled and engaged me in some conversations. "White Fowl, it's obvious you're scared. Do you think you can't do this?" I didn't even respond; I hate that name we were being called, "white fowl." She smiled again and continued, *"I never thought I could become a soldier too, but I always remember the words of my mother. She would always talk to me about courage and how it is not always loud/big, that it can be small, and can be in something as simple as, I can do it; I will try again."

Those words hit. We talked a bit more, and I thanked her as we departed as the social night program came to an end.

A week and some days later, the posting letter came out; that was what made my heart sink. Igbeti of all places. People talked about how far, local, and all the place was; how it was hard to get a good apartment; how there can be network issues; how water can be a problem; and the like. I felt like crying; I was tired of the whole service year before even starting, but then I remembered the words of my mom and the words of the soldier who I came by and advised me by chance.

That night, I read through my posting letter again and said to myself, "I need to be courageous, and if it demands that I try again, then I won't stop trying."

Countless times have I had to be my own hero, but this one hits deep and differently. A lot of things were absent, no familiar faces, and there wasn't the comfort of home as well. It was just me, my character, my khaki, my faith, and the words of my mother and the soldier, echoing and reminding me that strength finds expression more in endurance.

Even though I'm serving, I have learned to always show up fully anywhere I find myself. Obviously, I might not love every part of this journey, but then I have stopped seeing it as punishment. I see it as a means of preparing myself and showing up fully.

And I have learned with my little experience that being your own hero isn't about never feeling scared but about always making sure to not stay at a place but to keep moving even when fear is there lurking right beside you. And that is exactly what I'm doing; I keep going even when fear won't leave my side.

All pictures are mine.

Thanks a lot for stopping by, kindly do well to stop by my blog for more exclusive and amazing content.

Comments

[indiaunited]

This post has been manually curated by @bhattg from Indiaunited community. Join us on our Discord Server.

Do you know that you can earn a passive income by delegating to @indiaunited. We share more than 100 % of the curation rewards with the delegators in the form of IUC tokens. HP delegators and IUC token holders also get upto 20% additional vote weight.

Here are some handy links for delegations: 100HP, 250HP, 500HP, 1000HP.

_{100% of the rewards from this comment goes to the curator for their manual curation efforts. Please encourage the curator @bhattg by upvoting this comment and support the community by voting the posts made by @indiaunited.}

[marsdave]

Thanks a lot.

[ladytoken]

^{View or trade LOH tokens.}

@marsdave, You have received 1.0000 LOH for posting to Ladies of Hive.
We believe that you should be rewarded for the time and effort spent in creating articles. The goal is to encourage token holders to accumulate and hodl LOH tokens over a long period of time.

[marsdave]

Thanks a lot.

[merit.ahama]

I can totally relate with the shock and discouragement you felt when you saw where you're posted. I had even worse thoughts until I resumed duty and the experience turned out way better than I expected.
!LADY

[ladytoken]

^{View or trade LOH tokens.}

@merit.ahama, you successfully shared 0.1000 LOH with @marsdave and you earned 0.1000 LOH as tips. (11/30 calls)

Use !LADY command to share LOH! More details available in this post.

[marsdave]

Smiles....
More like we all get anxious and all when facing a new situation.
I pray it all work out together for good.

Thanks a lot for the kind words.

[ladiesofhive]

^!LADY

[ladytoken]

^{View or trade LOH tokens.}

@ladiesofhive, you successfully shared 0.1000 LOH with @marsdave and you earned 0.1000 LOH as tips. (24/50 calls)

Use !LADY command to share LOH! More details available in this post.

[marsdave]

Thanks 🙏

[cautiva-30]

Without a doubt the wise advice you have received has helped you greatly to continue forward, even when there is fear,
!LADY
!PIZZA

[ladytoken]

^{View or trade LOH tokens.}

@cautiva-30, you successfully shared 0.1000 LOH with @marsdave and you earned 0.1000 LOH as tips. (3/16 calls)

Use !LADY command to share LOH! More details available in this post.

[marsdave]

Thanks

[marsdave]

Exactly ma'am, it has indeed go a long way in keeping me going.

Thanks a lot for stopping by.

[pizzabot]

PIZZA!

$PIZZA slices delivered:
@cautiva-30_(3/10) tipped @marsdave

_{Come get MOONed!}

[hive-124452]

!LADY

[ladytoken]

^{View or trade LOH tokens.}

@hive-124452, you successfully shared 0.1000 LOH with @marsdave and you earned 0.1000 LOH as tips. (4/50 calls)

Use !LADY command to share LOH! More details available in this post.