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I use no products in my beard. Sometimes it gets the left over shampoo and conditioner from my hair. I dont put oils or other stuff through it. Its a natty beard

They might not want to believe that. Better tell them that you spent $100 per week on that beard, and that it's the only reason you even want a job. If you tell them it grows like that naturally, it'll trigger their inferiority complex. If it's a woman, she'll leave her husband.

It is just how my brain is cooled. The beard wicks away brain heat.

Hm, interesting theory. People who can't grow a beard don't need it to cool their brain. That would be a very sophisticated way to call somebody "dumb".