Indeed, I agree - an apology should never be forced. But sometimes apologising can be immeasurably hard... which I suppose is why an initial, quick response is necessary - even if it comes off as ingenuine... it might be the only way to salvage a moment before it's lost.
The “plasticity” of the fake apology is much more perverse than doing nothing.
I totally understand your description of the "fake apology" as being “damage containment” and not a "bridge that can truly re-establish connection and trust between people". But I imagine that any apology said, without first having time to reflect and see things from the other's perspective, comes off as "lacking" in truthfulness and understanding... It's difficult to recognise the damage one has caused in the immediate aftermath of an event - whether they set out to intentionally hurt the other person or not.
True apologies take time. Perhaps sitting with something, mulling it over, and then having a discussion about the mistake by acknowledging the other's perspective is the only way to avoid being ingenuine... but then a lot of damage can take place when silence without acknowledging any form of apology ensues. Hm... food for thought. Sometimes waiting for a "real" apology from another person for some hurt they've caused can build a chasm that only increases the distrust and betrayal one feels, especially when the person you're waiting on is unable to bring closure by acknowledging the hurt they've caused...
Ah, an apology can be such a difficult - and yet also such a simple - thing. In the end, people just want to feel heard - don't they? I daresay I owe an apology or two. But I think the only reason I can't bring myself to reach out is because I still care so deeply about the person who hurt me. And I'm frightened they don't care at all. The fear of coming to terms with an apology, and not having the other person meet you in the middle, is what drives a lot of people to avoid being vulnerable, perhaps. It's far easier to go through life as a robot. ;)
Anyway! Rant over - it really isn't easy an easy topic, this! Haha! But I was so intrigued by your comments. We humans are an intricate bunch. Despite this, I did enjoy entangling myself in a response. Thanks for that! Haha!
I couldn't agree more. Thanks the nice write up.