Too Close for Zen

in Reflections5 months ago

I do yoga and active meditation every day. At the moment, I live in Nice, in the south of France, and I often go to the seaside to do my practice.

A Quiet Morning... Almost
The other day, I was in the middle of an active meditation when I felt someone very close to me, unloading some material or something.
It felt like it was happening right at the other end of my yoga mat.

I was on a small pier. My mat was laid crosswise to face the sun. There was plenty of space around, and the rest of the pier was empty.

I kept going with my practice... and suddenly, very loud techno music started blasting from the west end of my mat.
I usually play mantra music softly on my phone — but now, I could hardly hear it.

A wave of anger swept through me.

The Inner Split
My practice is timed, and I was in the middle of a segment, so I kept going — after a quick glance to see what was happening.

There he was: a fisherman, with rods, bags, a seat, and a Bluetooth speaker — all set up exactly at the end of my mat. Not touching, but clearly right there.

I've been meditating for many years. It's become a natural state.
I can stay aware of many things happening at once.

So part of me continued the practice, and another part started wondering:

|What the fk!?

And then:

|What should I do now?

The Thought Spiral
I could feel the anger rising and falling like waves.
Anger is my main challenge emotionally — I grew up with it.

My thoughts went like this:

  • This guy is invading my space.
  • But the space is public.
  • I was here first. He couldn’t have missed me. With his loud music, he’s claiming the space on purpose.

Wave of anger.

  • Breathe. Don’t let it overflow... okay... we've got that...
  • Oh, the music’s turned down... still loud, though.
  • AND seriously — he’s almost on my mat!! He could go further. He could wait to play his music!!!

Then came the fantasy:

|I want to stand up and kick his speaker into the sea to make my point!!

But reason chimed in:

He hasn’t touched your things.
Okay. I should say something first.

But what?

*“I was here first. You should go away!” → He’d just say: “It’s a public space.”

“Don’t you see I’m doing my practice? Why are you disrespecting me?”

Nope.
The guy clearly saw me — and he was making it very clear he didn’t give a damn.

The Man
I caught another glimpse.

Not our usual middle-aged North African fishing for the family.
Not a young, passionate angler either.

He looked like a long-haired, tattooed, ring-fingered, spliff-rolling kind of retired rocker — listening to electronic music!?

What do you say to a guy who clearly doesn’t give a s**t?

|Please, give a st?

He was totally ignoring me — like I wasn’t even there.
But I could feel he was looking for conflict.

Turning Inward
I resumed my practice. I didn’t feel like conflict at all.

I thought about how spiritual people are often “too nice,” and how others take advantage of that.
But I believe you shouldn't be weak just because you’re looking for love.

I thought about Jesus Christ arriving at the temple, seeing merchants everywhere.
He pulled out a whip and chased them away!

But this wasn’t a temple.
The guy probably comes here often and decided it was his fishing spot...

Choosing My Ground
I got up and carried on with the rest of my program:
Push-ups, squats, a swim.

I did all of that as if the fisherman wasn’t there — even though he was literally just centimeters from me.
Like a total stranger being way too close to your body.

I changed into my swimsuit, did my exercises, swam — all right there, using exactly as much space as I needed, as if no one else existed.

A Final Gesture
When I came back from my swim, I started packing up.
I needed to shake the sand off my mat, so I smacked it like dusting an old rug — back turned to the guy, almost touching him, but not quite.

Very loudly.

I could feel the anger, not far, waiting to overflow me.

So I stopped.
And I left.

I actually went to the beach next to the pier and did a tea ceremony...

But that’s another story.

And You?
What do you think? What would you have done in that situation?

Photo taken with my iPhone

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Good morning, Jean.

What an excellent challenge you had. Although I only do meditation from time to time, and very sporadically, I've noticed many points in common with part of the experience you've described.

I also suffer a lot from fits of anger at what's going on around me. I can give you an example of a situation that happened to me this week at work.

A colleague of mine was giving a lesson to a large group of third-graders. I'm a much more reserved person, and I don't like being the center of attention, or even the lead actor in a play that's written just to please those around me.

I was at one of the computers in one of the common rooms, and he burst in with a huge group of students in white lab coats, aged around 19-20 (no more). Needless to say, he loves being the center of attention, especially when there's a huge audience of very energetic people, as is natural for young people of that age. I continued at the computer, and greeted the students crowding into the room with a low, calm “good afternoon”. My calmness managed to get past my colleague's barrier of indifference, and he realized he was disturbing my work, immediately asking the group to keep quiet because I was working. A few minutes later she ended up going into one of the adjoining rooms and closing the door.

I was very proud to have been able to notice the anger, which quickly grew inside me, but which didn't consume me in such a way as to turn me into an execrable being in front of such an audience.

Have a great week!

Thank you for sharing this story with me.
I take these kind of moments as real victories. I wasn't used to sharing them but I now realise it is an opportunity to celebrate the progress we make and also to inspire and get inspired.
Keep it coming!
Have a great week too!