I'd found a corner way from others and I was looking forward to a quiet time of reading over a cup of coffee, but a group of business people sat at a table close by only minutes later and stole my café moment.
They were well dressed, business attire they probably feel makes them seem more powerful and dominant, and they were brash, loudly outspoken, arrogant and not at all careful to hide their glances my way; it was as if they felt by demonstrating they were looking appraisingly, with interest and appreciatively was something I should value and like. Egotists.
I did not value it though, or like it - instead I felt uncomfortable, vulnerable and I wanted to move. Instead I held my ground out of reluctance to walk past them and buried my face in my book.
I've been in similar situations and never feel comfortable. I don't like the attention, being undressed with their eyes, sly smirks just loud enough so I can hear, glances over shoulders...bending over to tie shoe laces in a bid to see under the table and up my skirt...pigs. Disgusting, filthy little pigs. I don't deserve being made to feel that way.
Men look at women, I understand that...a man looking at me is how I met my partner after all...but there's a way to do it and many ways not to - and the men at that table certainly did everything wrong. I was repulsed.
Manners have largely disappeared to be replaced with ego, selfishness and entitlement and rather than people relying on their personalities they rely upon things: Clothing, fancy watches, cars and other material things; displays of wealth they feel validate them. It's not nearly enough though and the most important things like manners and courtesy, engaging conversation, interesting personality, a sense of humour, kindness and generosity...they seem to be mostly gone, discarded as redundant.
Society is a tide and upon the shore washes the filth and detritus that humanity can be and the complete opposite as well.
There are few gentlemen these days and those that are often get drowned in the filth such as the table of disgusting pigs in that café recently. It's very sad, and I don't know when society shifted that way, or when it became okay for a group of men to act in a manner that left a lone woman feeling such discomfort and a degree of fear. Fortunately for me my man is a gentleman...and fortunately for that table of filth he wasn't there to deal with them.
Becca 💗
I'm sorry you, and women experience this. I think the bigger a group of men is, the more likely this happens. Not every man is like them, and it's good that your man is a gentleman. I think those type of men haven't outgrown their childishness, which is a shame.
You're probably right, in groups they become spurred on by the others to feed their egos and it spirals out of control...although I've had the same happen from a single man, often, who leers, sends suggestive looks and looks me up and down imagining what's beneath my clothing. I understand that men look, it's because they're men, but it's made so obvious, like they're gifting the woman with their attention. It's disgusting. Men are not true men anymore, mostly.
Becca 🌷
I can only imagine how frustrating it would be to find myself in a cafe seeking some peaceful time, only to have such things occur. I'm genuinely sorry to hear about your unfortunate encounter with those unruly men! 😖
It appears that the emphasis on external symbols of success has overshadowed the intrinsic values of character, kindness, and empathy these days. This transition suggests a cultural shift towards a more materialistic and self-centric mindset, which is really disheartening to see 😢
It wasn't frustrating per se, more frightening. Maybe it's difficult for a man to understand though. I felt threatened and intimidated like most women would.
Those men...they probably have a distinct lack of self-esteem and felt like they were increasing it with their behaviour. Instead, they disgusted and repelled me and made me feel afraid to some degree, a feeling they have no right to make me feel.
Becca 🌷
Yeah I don't think you are too far off with that assessment! It's often the case that individuals, primarily men, possess substantial egos and, as you've mentioned, may struggle with low self-esteem that often leads them to assume that adopting a snobbish demeanor will create an illusion of dominance and inflate their self-importance beyond their actual standing 😓
Men get their feeling of self-worth from feeling confident, that's a fact, however they often look for that feeling of confidence in the wrong places and instead of finding it simply push others away. Women have their own malfunctions of course, but this post isn't about that. I think it's sad, but it is also a strong opportunity for a man to stand apart, be a true man, and be noticed and recognised for it; be a gentleman, apply a degree of appropriate chivalry...I like that in a man although many women possibly do not in this upside down world.
Becca 🌷
The perspective on men and self-worth is valid, as confidence is indeed significant, but it's crucial to remember that there's no one-size-fits-all approach. While traditional chivalry may not resonate with everyone in today's world, authenticity, kindness, and respect remain (I hoped) important values. Be it a man or a women, we can all strive to be the best versions of ourselves and be kinder to one another.
I'm not speaking for everyone or applying a one-size fits all approach, I'm speaking for myself alone. I've been around for a while and know what I like and it's gentlemanly, manly and chivalrous men (man really because I only have eyes and heart for him.)
Becca 🌷
I apologize if my previous remark about the one-size-fits-all approach unintentionally caused offense. It didn't quite express the message I intended 😥
What I truly meant to convey is that every individual is unique, and we all have our preferences and aversions. We can't control someone's behavior, but we can choose to cherish and connect with those we admire (in your case, gentlemen who exhibit manly and chivalrous qualities), while also keeping a bit of distance from those with whom we may not resonate ✌️
I hear you Becca, they look like ferocious animals and not men, real men don't do that. Real men don't make a woman feel uncomfortable, they make her feel safe, but when several of the non-men get together it's worse, they seem to encourage each other.
When that happens to me I leave the place, I like to go unnoticed but sometimes it can't be helped, they look the same but in a bad way.
Those men had no manners for a lady.
My mother always tells me there is a difference between a male (creo que esta palabra no se traduce bien, se refiere a macho animal) and a man. And there is.
I understand what you went through, it's not nice, and I agree with your way of thinking Becca.❤️
There's few real men left Amonet; I'm fortunate to have one, and not need any others, but that doesn't negate the fact that men should be gentlemen...just like women should know how to be ladies.
I like what your mother used to say, she's so right.
Becca 🌷
I fully agree, everyone should behave correctly or at least not make the other feel uncomfortable.
Hugs Becca❤️
It has been like this always. Society hasn't really changed, maybe it feels stronger, but we don't live in the past to compare. But what I can assure you is that (how do you call them?) there have always been filthy pigs.
It is a pity that this happens. Here in Cuba the wrongly called "piropo" becomes intimidating, a harassment.
A hug, Becca.
Yes, it seems as progressive as humanity thinks it is some things will not change.
I read today that there were some men (boys) protesting about the lack of tampons in the men's restrooms in their university and some also fight to be able to participate in women's sport. It certainly seems like the world has gone crazy.
Men don't know how to behave these days, especially those I refer to above...and so many women do not either.
Becca 🌷
😂 ay Becca. Lol. I look like a fool from the laughter this has given me.
It is certainly laughable, but true unfortunately; I'm glad I'm not looking for a man, that I have one who knows how to be one, because I think it would be rather difficult.
Becca 🌷
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STOPIt's disheartening to see how some people lack the basic manners a respect for others. Your words resonate with the reality that many women face, and it's important to address this issue. And I'm truly sorry that you had to go through such an uncomfortable situation.
Going from feeling comfortable to afraid, self-conscious and awkward isn't a nice feeling, but it's something so many woman have to deal with all the time because of the boorish, selfish and disgusting actions of men like I mention above. Shame on them.
Becca 🌷