It's pretty interesting and impressive that you have the mental fortitude to see these things and view them as lessons and things to learn from. Most people are devout to their religion just for the sake of being devout. They aren't really religious, but rather habitual.
I've also had my own fluctuations with the various things. I've settled on something that I find works well for me, and gives me meaning and honesty but also doesn't say it's all bullshit and people are dumb. We are for sure spiritual beings, it is part of our fiber but WHAT that spirit is? That's what is hard to say. Organized religion is largely a farce and control mechanism, but that doesn't mean that there isn't a spiritual force out there that is helping us and driving things forward, for better or worse.
With that being said though, one thing I know for absolute certain that true, ugly and hideous EVIL is for sure a big part of the world. I think that's what ended up bringing me back to spirituality. There is so much nasty, evil stuff that there has to be something to balance it out.
Spot on! Once it becomes a habit, it is hard to break. You don't even know why you're doing that, it's just something you're used to. When you're aware of it, you began to question, why am I even doing that?
There's something far greater from us that we don't even understand. Speaking of which, I know that there's a push towards AGI and some argue that it could honestly dispel the concept of God itself. But who knows? It's still up to a lot of debates.
We need a balance in life. I believe evil won't exist without good and good won't exist without evil. It's all there and we get to choose which spectrum we want to be at.