Had an appointment with my VA counselor the other day. The call lasted less than 15 minutes.
A few years ago, those calls were longer. A lot longer. I needed them to be. I was in a bad place. Mentally. Emotionally. Fighting demons I didn't want to admit I had. The kind that don't show up on an X-ray but will destroy your life just the same.
I almost lost everything. My marriage. My family. Myself. I got help. Not because I wanted to. Because I had to. It was that or watch everything fall apart.
I'm not going to pretend therapy is easy. It's not. Sitting across from someone and being honest about the shit in your head is hard. Admitting you're broken is hard. Doing the work to put yourself back together is hard. But I did it. I'm still doing it.
And now the calls are shorter. Not because I'm avoiding them. Because I don't need as much help anymore. That's progress.
It felt good to tell my counselor that I'm doing okay. Not perfect. Never perfect. But okay.
I'm moving more. Getting out of the house. Visiting family. Doing things I enjoy. The dark thoughts still creep in sometimes. Late at night. Early in the morning. But I know how to deal with them now. I have tools I didn't have before. The bad days don't consume me like they used to.
If you're in a bad place right now, I want you to know something. It can get better. Not overnight. Not without work. But it can get better. I'm proof of that.
I went from barely hanging on to a 15 minute check in call. That didn't happen by accident. It happened because I asked for help and did the work.
If you're struggling, ask for help. There's no shame in it. The shame is in letting pride destroy what matters most. Progress is possible. I'm living it.
Thanks for reading,
Joe
Notes:
-All content is mine unless otherwise annotated.
-Images are my own unless otherwise noted.
-Photos edited using Linux photo editor and drawing and/or iPhone SE.
-Page Dividers from The Terminal Discord.
I'm glad to hear things are going better for you! People in general need to not be so afraid of counseling.
Thank you. I agree. But they also need to understand it is not a magic pill. One must be willing to invest in it themselves. Many think the counselor does all the work. In actuality the counseled should be doing most of the work.
Yeah, that is a good point. I think it is important to find a counselor that is a good fit with you as well. It seems counter-inutitive to shop around, but sometimes it's just not the right fit.
I didn't get a choice. Got who they gave me at the VA. But the two I have had so far haven't been bad I guess.
Very true - That's the main point.
I'm very glad that you come so far and you can be very proud of yourself! Most people I know opt for the "easy" way, the one that does the damage in the end.
I'm a big fan of therapy. These days, it's just like with you. I call my therapist when a big storm is coming up, and try to prepare for it. She generally just listens, gives me a different view on it, and then a view tricks on how to get better at handling certain situations. It's not like the therapy before, where I had to get into the dark spaces and dig up all that there was, shed light on it, examine and then process. That was really a lot of work.
First, thank you for the tip of Hive. It is appreciated.
As far as doing damage in the end. I did damage before I sought help. It almost cost me my family. It cost me friends for sure. Yes, proud of how far I have come.
Again, thank you!
And no one else can ever do that work for you.
I am glad and inspired by the progress you have made over the years. Not an easy road I am certain, but perhaps easy roads don't make for good lives.
One a side note - how do you get rid of those flowers! I spent a couple hours today weeding them out of a garden bed. Ours aren't flowers yet though, just starting to grow.
We are growing the flowers. Don't want to get rid of them. We actually want some more to spread them in other locations in the yard. They are "wild"flowers we planted in the mother-n-law's memory garden.
That is nice.
We have them along the road (wild), but the previous owners didn't do anything with the garden and they are all over in the beds. Their roots seem to run far deeper than I can get.
I am not sure what to do about that. Maybe @riverflows could provide some input. She knows a lot about gardening.
Lovely seeing how you have been doing and cope up with the mental and emotional demons. You said it right, they're not visible on x-rays but to fight them is the hardest of all.
Thank you. Yes, it is a hard fight for sure.
I think many people find it difficult to recover because they can't get past the first stage of seeking help. The first step is always difficult, but you achieved way more than that. I'm so glad that it has worked for you
Thank you. I just continue to drive forward and do the work.