First off I am glad you have found this space to share. Despite your reasons for joining hive or your expectations, there is a strong possibility of finding connection here if you are open to it.
I think a lot of people on Hive are in your same boat. And you will be drawn to one another because of shared feelings, experiences, insecurities. I hope when you find “your people” rather than doubling down on your shared reclusiveness, that it gives everyone involved a chance to reengage in the world beyond the “self”. You deserve a life of joy. You deserve a life of laughter, affection, camaraderie, of feeling valued, of community and intellectual stimulation.
While your situation is magnified by your health challenges, this season of life (late 40’s 50’s) is a change for a lot of people. Our parents (if alive) start to decline or pass away. The little kids that once depended on us decide we are the worst. Friends we used to see a lot move away or need to focus more on their jobs and own families. All of our bodies start to slow down, the hair goes gray, once flat stomachs get paunchy, knees stiff and backs are sore. Our faces wrinkle and spot and skin dries out. I say all this not to diminish your struggle, but more to highlight people might feel the same inside as you do even if you don’t see it.
You’ve taken a big step coming here and being vulnerable. I hope Hive brings great things to you. ❤️
Thank you @dfinney you have been one of the very welcoming people. Yes, those changes during that time in our life only seem to probably compound the challenge subconsciously. I am up for the challange though, we will just take this step by step.