I don’t know exactly when, where, or how it started. Yeah, I have a round about idea when I started to wall myself off from the rest of the world. If you ask my wife and kids, it was about the time my physical health started declining. It came full circle once my brain decided to short circuit a couple years ago. Truth be told, if you asked me, and I was being honest, I went completely dark to the world once I medically retired last year.
Other than a brother and a close cousin, who is like a brother, I rarely talk to anyone outside my wife and kids. Yep, I am a regular hermit. I joke that a hate people and why I don’t go out and stay off social media. Truth be told, that is bullshit, I don’t. I long for camaraderie I once had long ago. To start communication again with some of my old service buddies, reconnect with family members again, and get to know my neighbors better.
What is stopping me?
It is me. But that would be an oversimplified answer. If it was that simple and easy I wouldn’t be sitting here writing this. It would just be fixed with some self-help mumbo jumbo, and all would be peaches-and-cream. It has taken me some time to dig myself into this hole mentally, and no matter how much I tell myself, and no matter how much others tell me, I just can’t magically jump out of it.
So, what do I do?
I don’t sit on my ass and do nothing, that is for sure. I gradually got myself into this, so I figure I am going to have to work gradually to get myself out. Blogging here on Hive and sharing my thoughts with strangers is my first step. Sharing myself, letting it out, not being embarrassed anymore of who I am.
Embarrassed, of what?
Embarrassed of being less of the person I once was. The person everyone once knew me as. I was once a physically fit and mentally agile person. Now I walk in place for ten minutes and get out of breath. I do crossword puzzles to try and exercise my brain but fail at them miserably. For my issues that I have, I am young, early fifties. It is embarrassing to have someone ask my son if I am his grandfather because I look that aged now. Yes, that has happened on more than one occasion. Worse yet, a lady referred to my wife as my daughter once. It does bother me. I didn’t want to admit it until recently, but it does.
Should I care what others think?
I know I shouldn’t. The steps to take to ensure I stop giving a damn and not just say it is where I am at a loss. Just taking this step to write this post is a stretch for me right now, but I am considering it a step. But its not my first step. My first step was just commenting and making a few small posts here on the blockchain. Now this post is my stretch of a step. I am exposing myself some, mentally and personally.
Yes, I am uncomfortable, I am a little scared right now.
But let’s do this,
Joe
Note: Image source Canva.com
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You know what, I understand you. I recently began to come out of my shell after losing trust in people due to a robbery 5 years ago. I'd won a fellowship to study in Germany, and while I was there, the manager and janitor of my building told everyone that I'd died in a plane crash and they took almost everything out of my unit and sold them on tables in front of my building.
What really hurt is that these were people (all parolees), who I'd fed when they had no food, and I'd even helped to pay their rent so they would avoid being evicted. I did a lot of good in that building and I was never compensated for the looting of my property.
What also hurt was losing things that had sentimental value, as they threw out anything that didn't sell knowing I was returning in early 2018 after 5 months in Germany.
I lost the ONLY video of my beloved late grandmother (she was dancing in it), that I'd shot with an old camera and had planned to digitize and backup upon my return.
So when I returned, I had nothing but the clothes on my back and had to start over.
It's one of the reasons I don't have a large account here on Hive, as I also care for an elderly ill relative on top of that.
This robbery left a burning hatred of parolees inside of me as well as a deep distrust of people in general. Combine that with the pandemic that I found out about in late 2019 on a US expat forum (I was planning to study in China in 2020), and you have the perfect mix to withdraw from the world.
So I get it.
Only now am I taking the first tenative steps to re-ingage with those around me. Broken trust can take time to heal, but heal it does. Stay Strong.
Very honest and truthful words...
The friends here on hive that are willing to invest in each other here are very empowering.
Damn. The best people get taken advantage of the worst.
Yeah. But you know what? I believe in a higher power and am confident that they will answer for what they did. Someone once told me that "We wouldn't know we were good unless bad people were around as contrast to us."
I also know that everything happens for a reason. The robbery prevented me from returning to that building where we lost many residents to COVID in 2020, so that old saying about every cloud having a silver lining might just be true.
Man that sucks a big egg. I do hope you find trust in others again just as I am finding a way out into the world again. For me it is not so much a matter of trusting people, it is believing in myself again.
Yeah I totally get this. I was a top level world class athlete and then a robbery turned me into a different person. Now I've got health issues and I'm almost of shape I couldn't run from zombies without a heart attack or throwing out my back and being prey.
All we can do is live and try... At least we are here!
Agreed. Just moving on man. Step by step,
You can totally change things. It's all of you want it. Here's a vote. I think you can change things. I think you can be amazing.
I trick myself and say anxiety is just excitement. It works so often!
Thanks. Changing things each day already.
I just got done giving free compliments a class about three steps that I have.
The first step is to automate your account. That's pretty important information. Hive.vote is really amazing and I utilize that. That starts you immediately compounding interest for your account and you get paid for all of the stake you have at least 10 times a day.
Lesson 2 is decentralized finance and community token trading.
Lesson 3 is diesel pool investing and accessing the interest rates that are published.
If you're interested I'd love to show you how to do all the above which then really compounds the interest and helps to grow your account.
Getting to know a bunch of the tricks and different ways that you can earn and grow here on the blockchain is really important. A lot of people focus on one or two however this has now opened up quite a massive opportunity for me.
I think that you're doing an amazing job and I can't wait to see even more from you in the future.
Sure, I'm always interested in learning something.
https://discord.gg/5Vj7wFba
Here's a link to my chat room and I've taught a bunch of people how to do this. Incredibly if I help my friends grow I can do very well myself.
Usually I do a voice chat walkthrough with my student. Makes it way easier than typing it all out.
My class takes about 5 to 10 minutes for the first lesson and 10 minutes to 30 minutes for the second and third lessons. Of course if you've got inspired we can chat more.
First off I am glad you have found this space to share. Despite your reasons for joining hive or your expectations, there is a strong possibility of finding connection here if you are open to it.
I think a lot of people on Hive are in your same boat. And you will be drawn to one another because of shared feelings, experiences, insecurities. I hope when you find “your people” rather than doubling down on your shared reclusiveness, that it gives everyone involved a chance to reengage in the world beyond the “self”. You deserve a life of joy. You deserve a life of laughter, affection, camaraderie, of feeling valued, of community and intellectual stimulation.
While your situation is magnified by your health challenges, this season of life (late 40’s 50’s) is a change for a lot of people. Our parents (if alive) start to decline or pass away. The little kids that once depended on us decide we are the worst. Friends we used to see a lot move away or need to focus more on their jobs and own families. All of our bodies start to slow down, the hair goes gray, once flat stomachs get paunchy, knees stiff and backs are sore. Our faces wrinkle and spot and skin dries out. I say all this not to diminish your struggle, but more to highlight people might feel the same inside as you do even if you don’t see it.
You’ve taken a big step coming here and being vulnerable. I hope Hive brings great things to you. ❤️
Thank you @dfinney you have been one of the very welcoming people. Yes, those changes during that time in our life only seem to probably compound the challenge subconsciously. I am up for the challange though, we will just take this step by step.
congratulations for this first step and I now understand why our blogs have crossed paths! one step at a time you have done the hardest part and your article is very well written. Good day to you
Thank you. I enjoy reading your posts as well. I look forward to them each day a get on the computer.
Great that you found this place to share your thoughts! Hope it will be helpful for you.
Also passed the 50 some years ago and going through health issue the last months I felt like "uuhhh this body isnt 20 anymore" wich first caused problems to think this way. But then found out I Just have to accept some things have to be a little slower, a little different, but most things are still perfect.
No way back to this young body and feelings. Also no way back to the one I once was!
Accepting this brought a huge change and I simply could make a desicion: this health issue is my personal opportunity to change things in a positive way, to become a new and better me, no matter what others may think!
Hope this was a little helpful :-)
Yes, thank you it is very helpful. I do think I have accepted this. Now it is just a matter of breaking this "mindset" of isolationism I have.
Yes and avoid to step too much into online activities ;-)
Hm, dont know you, but maybe its time for new people to go outside? With different interest? Or looking for group to join?
Just can say, meeting others with the same health issues at least for me was SO helpful. It changed a lot, also in relationship to my old Friends.
Yes, I have a group that I will be meeting with tomorrow night. I have been thinking about volunteering at the veterans hospital.
I think many people, myself included, can understand what you're saying here, at least to a degree. Brave step here. I think Hive is a good place for this type of thing in that there are caring people here and it's much less noxious. I see your handle includes "coin" so I'm guessing crypto is an interest. For me, crypto has evolved into a hobby...something I've never really had, but one day realized that I did. Great topic to blog about and lots of passionate people (and the drama!). Glad you're here
!LUV
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The noxiousness of people in our current culture is something else altogether. I will probably be addressing that in a future post. Although it does have an impact on my confidence.
The "coin" in my handle is all about my hobby which is coin collecting. I like to collect actual fiat coins. I do dabble in crypto too, but I just bumble around.
I will say I'd often found myself wishing to have a physical bitcoin or dogecoin just for the fun of it. I know they're not really bitcoins or dogecoins (it's the private keys that are the coins, or the ability to move the coins), but it would be fun. Last I checked, they're a bit pricey though.
Here is a silver "bitcoin" round for $29.84😀
https://www.apmex.com/product/247333/1-oz-silver-round-bitcoin
It is good and important that you are taking the first step, which is to talk and drain a little of what you feel, I hope you regain confidence in yourself, step by step you are achieving it.
Yep, seems to be what others think as well. It is feeling good to blog and start exposing some of myself again.
I don't share a lot of posts onto my blog for whatever reason but I shared this one.
I recently discovered a concept you reminded me of. When you someone gets too stressed for too long, they can burn out. It never occurred to me that when there is not enough stress, someone can rust out but it totally makes sense.
There is stress involved in personal relationships of all sorts. There is stress related to anything difficult worth doing. Too much of it can lead to burn out and too little of it can lead you into a nice, reduced-stress place....then it either returns to a comfortable, fulfilling and perfectly challenging happy medium, or can evolve into a hole of unfulfillment. Been there.
In my case, I found my soul screaming at me, creating stress out of thin air and things becoming problems which were not problems before. What a nasty cycle.
Our challenges define us or kill us to a certain extent I suppose. We have a say in the matter and you can be comfortable knowing you are doing something others cannot or will not do.
That fear is part imagination and part of your gut telling you that you are prepared for this. You will be the strongest fucker you know and you may as well be proud of that now.
Thank you for sharing my post on your blog. That was very kind of you.
Yes, ever since making that post, it was like a weight was lifted. I am feeling a little more free. Opening up a little bit more. Now I just need to physically get out.
Step by step though, it will come.
Hi Joe, hopefully Hive can be a safe place for you to slowly integrate back into the world and still keeping your anonymity if that works better for you. I see you've connected with Wes and the Terminal so your in good hands on your Hive journey!
Easing my way back through Hive works for now. Just one step at a time, one day at a time.
I say Congratulations on making those decisions. At least you are aware of your challenges and are willing to work towards going beyond the barriers. I admire you on that bold step you are taking, Joe. Let's do it!😉
You've come a very long way in such a short amount of time... It took me years to get to where you are now...lol... I'm lucky to age a couple comments on any of my posts... How did you learn so much, so fast...???
I just spend time with other peoples posts, commenting, post my own stuff and try to add value to the community.
You even know all the right words... It's almost like you've been around for years...
OKay, what is your deal?
I tend to see things that others over look...
I never claimed to be new to to the blockchain. I am fully retired now and just trying to get some therapy through blogging. Not sure why you have decided to poke at me, but just let me enjoy myself please and I will leave you alone as well. Thank you.
I don't want to be left alone... I'm lucky to get a single comment... I like comments and feedback...
I understand your situation and what you are passing through, only what you need, is to fight for what is best to you.
Thank you for understanding. I will look to keep fighting each step.
And yet, here you are going ahead and doing it. This already tells me that you have something inside of you that will give you the capability to bring yourself out of the hole that you've dug. You've gone beyond taking the first steps, which are arguably some of the toughest: acknowledging the problem and finding the courage to address it.
Now you've reached the point of action, and it's clear that you have good motivation for acting upon it. Your trajectory from this point forward will be a culmination of your own decisions, and by conscientiously making the ones you know are right, you'll be thanking yourself down the road. It's not going to be a smooth or easy road, but it's a road nonetheless.
Continue to find the courage and strength to bring yourself into a better place. After all, once you've hit rock bottom, the only place left to go is up. Make sure that you've already pushed yourself past your own rock bottom. And if you ever need help continuing to push yourself, both mentally and physically, that's absolutely ok, and feel free to reach out to me for the support. We rely on each other to grow - we're programmed that way! And yes, you are very much worth it. 😊
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Thank you very much. Yes, action is what is required. My new motto is step by step. One step at a time.
That's an outstanding approach. Many steps add up to a long, rewarding journey.
Also, I hope you wouldn't mind... I'd like to reblog this post to the FreeCompliments community. I think you could use a "Compliment Bomb" from our members so that you'd get a bit of extra support from those who see it. 😁
That is fine, sure. Thank you.
Well it sounds like you have been thru a few things obviously. Small steps one at a time, not being too hard on yourself. Time and events/illness takes a toll on all of us and that's just a fact of life to accept. Some it's earlier than others.
Sounds like you have a new normal, it's ok to seek help a little on how to maneuver around these things, the emotions to handle what we can't change I mean. I find books don't talk back or judge you unless you apply it yourself, perhaps youtube videos can have some helpful advice. I get it tho, changes in circumstances and people's innocent comments can hurt us without them knowing. I probably did the very same thing (isolation) after my covid and brain injury/speech issues that resulted from it.
As long as your taking steps no matter how small, you are doing great and it's forward movement.
You are doing awesome too. What an inspiration you are. I am actually getting out tomorrow. Heading to the VA hospital for an appointment and while out may just have the wife take me to a couple places just to poke my head in to look around. Get out and "socialize".
Awwe thank you, you're too sweet!
Sometimes it's all it takes, exercise "socializing" poking your head around a bit sometimes we are too much in our own head about things and they turn out to not really matter to others as much as they do to ourselves. It helps ease the pressure talking about it normalizes things for ourselves. Men tend to internalize too much.
Something I found helpful, when my other half got his burns and skin graft surgeries, when he wasn't available and I was at the hospital stressing out especially during the surgery, I used to go and hangout in this thing they called, The healing garden to pass the time. Once there I met other people that were long term patients there with all kinds of issues probably worse than my own to talk with (not necessarily about my own issues) in a sense I noticed it was also giving back because they were so happy to have a surprise stranger visitor to hangout with and lifted their spirits too. I never ran out of tea or had to buy any! Nothing gets you to snap out of embarrassment on brain fog issues than talking with someone with Alzimer that keeps forgetting they are in the hospital! Just a thought, often helping others helps us too.
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Thank you so much for showing me this post, Wes. 😊