Emotions bewilder the hell out of most people in this world, even (and perhaps especially) the professionals supposedly trained to work with them. We're taught to think a lot, to process reality through our intellect and to generally ignore what we're feeling lest we become "too emotional" to make clear-headed decisions. Even that phrase, "clear-headed", assumes that the only part of our bodies invested in making decisions and indeed, living, are our heads, our brains. Nothing could be further from the truth, but still, that's how we've built our world, or should I say, our prison. A prison, because we don't truly profit from this practice at all. We may ignore what we feel, but that doesn't mean the feelings are going anywhere. We may think we're suppressing them, shutting them down, but we're just burying them deep inside of us and our dams aren't as durable or as effective as we've been led to believe.
Last week, my sister insulted me almost to my face, calling me a "fucking idiot" for not moving aside when the dog was doing his thing in the kitchen under her pressure (we have to deal with this because she won't take him out on walks as she should,) and when the urine reached my feet, she mocked me under her breath saying "well done." Now, the Javier that I was last year would've reacted, said something, even yelled at her, but this time I just laughed, left to clean my feet in the bathroom and went to my room without comment. That made me feel really proud and thankful, because I know if she can't get under my skin with a frontal attack, nobody on this green good earth can. However, I did experience some anger because be it as it may, it's still a transgression; on Sunday, the full scope of the feeling bubbled up into the surface and I began to picture hostile scenarios, so I did what I always do when I become aware of a strong emotion, I explored it. I laid on my bed, put the frequency of Mars on YouTube, called up all of my anger and started breathing.
My memory went through so many moments when I felt angry; the times when my opinion wasn't taken into consideration at home, at school and in all the jobs I've had; the times when I felt abused or taken advantage of; the times when I had clashes with friends and strangers. I delved deeper into myself and soon I was back in my childhood home when my mom was being taken out for the last time on her way to the clinical pilgrimage that would end with her death. I felt the anger of that child for that loss and I was both unsurprised and awed at once. I know that the pain of her death, though subtle now, will never leave me while I'm alive, but I was fascinated to find that core of rage at her passing, at the fact that her illness and departure left me no choice but to grow up fast beyond my years, that I was never allowed to truly be a child. It was all there for me to see and I have no doubt it still is. No amount of repression could ever erase it.
This is what happens with every emotion that we experience for whatever reason and our choices, our thoughts, our actions, they're all enmeshed with those emotions, no matter how far down within we've pushed them. The only thing we accomplish by bottling up emotions is losing awareness that they're there and therefore blinding ourselves to the effect they have on our perspectives and beliefs. Intellect and reason can't help us with that, we have to go get the information back from the dark rooms where we've locked it, and that's pretty hard, which is why so many of us don't do it and pretend that everything's ok.
So how can we work through this?
First, you need to know how to accept your feelings, so the moment you start experiencing anger, sadness, fear or any other emotion, take your time to stay with it for a while, breathing deeply so you can be as present as you can for yourself. In the beginning, you'll have a bunch of thoughts, the mind trying to perform an activity, to be "useful" or "productive". This will also give you information, though, because the train of thought will reveal images and memories relating to the predominant emotion, so if you're anxious, you'll envision scenarios both arising from and promoting the anxiety. Let them be, that's part of the process. Continue breathing and accept these thoughts.
Listen to your body, the sensations you have will tell you even more about the feelings. Try to become aware of tensions in your muscles, eerie positions for your joints, pain and discomfort, then attempt to relieve them if you can or otherwise, accept them too, since they may not go away until you've thoroughly processed the emotion. Be prepared also for other emotions to come out and do your best not to convince yourself that they're not there, it's a normal response and one of the reasons we repress so much. Often the most obvious emotion isn't the most important, let alone the deepest; for instance, anger may be the superficial expression of grief.
Physical exercise, drinking copious amounts of water, eating frugally for a while, walking barefoot or lying down on the ground, they can all help with this work. Sometimes it's a good idea to talk with friends and relatives, to read books, watch films and shows or play games relating to the aspect that you're exploring, but make sure to note when you're engaging in distractions just for the sake of avoiding the feelings. Excess work, play and training, traveling or partying constantly, overindulging in food and drink may all be manifestations of escapism. In fact, any sort of addiction, obsession or fixation originates from unmet emotional needs.
Creative activities are extremely useful when working with emotional awareness. Writing, painting, sculpting and any other form of crafts and arts are conducive to a form of meditation that increases the sense of presence and purpose. The use of our imagination, curiosity, study and manual skill always involve emotions. There's great truth in the saying that we pour our souls into our work.
Last but most certainly not least, therapy with a professional, spiritual guidance and the use of certain techniques and substances under appropriate supervision or with the adequate training can yield huge benefits. In my adolescence, psychotherapy helped me gain more self-confidence, and many years later I began attending ceremonies with ancestral plants as well as performing my own rituals, which have gotten me to the point I am right now.
I hope this post is helpful to someone. I wrote it based on an intuition and I think I'll write others in a similar fashion in the next few weeks. Thanks for reading!
Such an important topic. I'm just back from a conscious dance festival and dancing is such a good way for me to access, express, and work through emotions. I'll write a post about my experience.
I still find it hard not to get triggered sometimes but nowadays at least I'm able to stop and reflect, at least after some time. My experience at the festival was very interesting because I have been so isolated for quite some time so I wasn't sure how I would react and behave around almost 100 people. But I realized that I have been doing a lot of inner work, during my isolation.
A dance festival sounds amazing! I'd love to attend something like that. Biodanza no longer works for me, at least with the group I'd been joining. I want something more free-form and also to meet more people.
Yeah, being triggered is an issue, but I think it's necessary so that we can grow aware of stuff. It's like learning where our notches, buttons and levers and are, and what they do when activated. Thanks for the comment, my friend!
Damn. I feel like half of what I’ve tried to share over the course of the last few years is all laid out very clearly and concisely in this one article. Amazing.
Wow! That's awesome, man, thanks!