Stop fucken pushing

in Reflections2 months ago


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I was at a work function last week, an event that began with lunch followed by an afternoon of business-industry-organisation-related stuff I can't talk about until about 18:00h then a very legit dinner with the other attendees, about seventy people in total at a great Argentinian restaurant nearby. The event was very costly for the company but don't worry, they make plenty so can afford it, and over all I enjoyed it.

Many attendees chose not to drive their company vehicles - there's a zero-alcohol policy when driving company vehicles - but I drove as I'm not a big drinker and am able to abstain without any trouble at all and several others did too. The dinner proceeded along and the bottles of (expensive) wine, spirits and cocktails flowed rather freely...and the room got louder and louder due to the state of those in it and due to the alcohol. It was a good night generally.

One aspect I didn't like was the way an individual at my table (of ten) was pushing others to drink alcohol.

Because I'm usually content to have only one or two alcoholic drinks this has happened to me on occasion, people pushing at me to have an alcoholic drink or to drink more than one or two. I don't like it because there's very good reasons I limit my alcohol intake, none of which I feel inclined to have to tell people in a bid to get them to back the fuck off.

I guess some get a little exuberant and with some alcohol in their system they relax a little, their behaviours loosen up and instead of applying their usual propriety they cross lines they might not usually and don't know when to pull back, or simply can't through inebriation.

The person I mention above went a little too far and, try as I might not to judge, I found myself changing my opinion of them which will almost certainly spill over to the workplace.

That may seem harsh but the event, the daytime conference and the evening dinner was a work event and I believe it should have treated that way, with a little decorum despite the unlimited supply of free alcohol. I know some may disagree and that's ok, but I feel a work function like this is the last place one should be drinking to excess and pushing others to do the same - at what point does one think, this could adversely affect my career? I'm not the only one who thinks it either, the rest of the table commented later on in the week in some form or other, even those who were drinking alcohol.

I don't think it'll negatively impact the person too much from a work perspective although people may harbour residual impressions based on that night and that may affect how they interact in the future; I also don't think the individual will be asked to attend another such meeting...ok, I know they won't.


Have you ever had something like this happen? I mean someone vociferously trying to push you into doing something you'd rather not? What was the situation and how did you handle it? Feel free to comment below if you feel inclined.



Design and create your ideal life, tomorrow isn't promised - galenkp

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Alcohol at work-related events can be fun, or a big problem. 30 years ago, when it flowed more freely, a client of ours at an open-bar party almost fell out of a sixth-floor window of our office.

You need to push harder.

(Just kidding)

Lol, and make sure the window is open.

Just kidding of course.

you two!! LOL

sorry i didn't even get to your post this weekend. but the baby was so amazing!!! he was such a joy - I stayed offline almost the entire weekend!!!

love to you anyway - and i hope you had a fantastic weekend yourself! hehehe

No stress, you have more important things to do and that's exactly how it's supposed to be.

LOL!

Sigh I miss the days when jokes didn't have to come with fine print disclaimers and people understood naturally something like that is far too ridiculous to be taken seriously. But, here we are...

Anyway. Since I'm here I suppose it's worth mentioning I absolutely fucking hate alcohol. If someone offers me a drink or insists I have one, they are trying to kill me.

You know, as I wrote my reply above, I thought the exact same thing about the disclaimer. It's a brave new world I guess, but far from a better one.

I didn't drink alcohol until I was 22, just because I didn't feel any need or desire to. These days it drink rarely and if I never had another alcoholic drink in my life I'd not be at all fussed about it. I drink to be social I guess, in certain situations, and rarely would I have more than one, and two tops. It's just how it is, I don't think it makes me abnormal, although some may suggest it.

If one hasn't experienced addiction, they'd have trouble understanding. And if they ever do reach that point with something like alcohol, it could be going on for years, they wouldn't even know what hit them, still struggling to understand it.

It's possible someone pushing is struggling with it. They want others to be on the same level as them. Makes it "easier" to "accept" in that moment. And it's difficult to reason with someone who might be going through that. They can't control it in the exact same way you can. The brain is sending all the same signals. Both mindsets are doing 100% the "right" thing.

Alcohol is an odd one. Has no life of its own until it enters a body and takes over. You become the host in a sense. Like an ant encountering ophiocordyceps unilateralis.

This artwork of mine a few others tells a similar story. Something latching on, causing interference, then taking control of both body and the mind.

That's the thing with addiction I guess, hard to step back and see it and hard to rectify I guess right. (Not impossible though.)

I've never been addicted to any substance so I guess it's difficult to know how it feels but I've dealt with enough who have and I know the challenges and how difficult can be to combat. Sad really. I guess it's like anything, it's so easy, pleasurable even, to fall into that habit, but climbing back out (realising that one needs to) is never so easy.

I like that art man, but it sort of makes me sad too, just the mood that the face presents.

BUSTED UP LAUGHING!!!!!!!

hey you :)

Good!

and

Hello!

having a nice day???

Not really. Just another day. But enough about me... lol

want a dreemie hug??? hehehe

You're such a dork. 😁

a dork that gives amazing hugs...

and you're having a blah day....
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAANT ONNNNNE???? HEHEHE

I think there's many such stories of this nature due to over-drinking at work events. I agree though, they can be fun indeed, but for me it's still work and I act accordingly.

I don't drink at all hey. Never have. so have gotten this my whole life. The thing that gets me is that I'm not bothered if you are drinking so why are you so bothered that i am not drinking? Which is the question i usually ask, followed by are you insecure in your drinking? Usually gets them to shut up. I'm still pretty social and fun without the alcohol so don't see why it should bother others.

But throwing it into work scenario - ppl get stupid sloshed with free alcohol. Then literally fuck around. And it's hard to come back from that. Have lost respect for many a person in this way. And the guys talk. The most memorable episode was this chic who told everyone she has a demon living inside her, and spoke in a demon voice and was serious about the whole thing. Like i thought she was a loon prior that, but that just took the cake. Sometimes its hard not to judge. LOL

I don't drink much as I said, and as I said in another comment, didn't have a drink of alcohol until I was 22 years old - I just didn't have or feel the need. So...we can have no alcohol-fueled fun together. #lifeofthefuckenparty

Lol...demon girl makes me think of sever stories I could tell, but won't, about similar situations I've seen over the years. Drinking at work functions isn't something I'm much inclined to do, don't see the point and don't actually want to...and I think I've gotten further professionally through having standards and disciplines like this.

I hope you're well.

I wouldn't drink mush either, at a work function or not lol 😂

But yeah, don't know why some people can't have fun if they not wasted. We need to show them how to party!!!!

Bawhahhahahhaha I should have staged an exorcism!! Tie her up outside and let cool off in the winter air!!! I'm sure you have plenty of stories to share. Share the funniest one, come on. Be a sport!!

I'm okay hey. Been suffering a bit health wise. Think I have had a COVID variant and have been getting by with the bare minimum past 2 weeks. Then we throw in a few more injuries and I'm challenging my luck to change. But we push through. Just a little patch to weather. And your side? Hope you going better than me!

Hopefully you start to feel better soon. All ok here, as usual.

Doing a lot better this week thanks! Even made it back to boxing with my niggly wrist. We do what we must!!!

Glad you are doing well!! 😌

People push us all the time: buy this weight loss program; buy this stock; buy this crypto token; play that p2e game :)

Sounds familiar?

In todays age of social media, lot of people are selling products and ideas. Perhaps not all of it is bad either.

Some are just pushing opinions; some good some not so good, eh?

Recently watched a movie on Netflix based on a real life event… give it a watch if you can
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dumb_Money

You're right, we have various things rammed down our throats, products and services, ideologies, opinions and propaganda, one of the reasons I refuse to use social media.

Some, as you say, is valid but much of it is rubbish and is presented in a terrible way. I don't find marketing clever or interesting...if I don't want something I will not get it no matter how clever or interesting the marketing may be, or which "celebrity" is on the commercial.

I'll take a look at that movie, cheers.

@azircon's marketing was quite clever. Enjoy the movie! lol

Good to hear from you! How's life? Haven't seen a post from you a while. Love to get a life update, if you have the time and feel like it

Still alive, and that's really all I can say about life these days. Lost that creative spark I once had. Reigniting it is a challenge I'm not ready to take on just yet. Might be gone forever. I'm still around though, and trying to find things to give a shit about. Maybe I'll check out that movie... lol

“Art is the elimination of the unnecessary.”

Knowing your work a little bit, you might know who said that ;)

You will enjoy that movie. That movie is hardly about money, it is about social network, and its power.

I read the description. I remember that entire fiasco. Making it a comedy seems rather fitting.

And I didn't know who said that but after looking into it, I'm not surprised to see who it is. When it comes to my work and approach, there weren't any artists influencing me. No teachers either. Total outsider.

I second this motion.

Haha! Hooked me in didn't he!

You didn't even know what hit you! lol

I'm not really a drinker either, rarely partake to be honest. I don't understand why people want to get in such a state to be honest.
I've had people tell me I'm boring cos I don't drink and others trying to get me to drink. It really annoys me. But at the end if the day, I stay me and get to wake up next day with no hangover.
I've had to distance myself from a friend because of her drinking behaviour. Because I simply don't want to be enabling her. She becomes such a different person, rude and pushy and of course never remembers it. I've had to help her home many times, worried what would happen if I didn't.
It's a shame really the relationship some people have with alcohol.
Hope all is well xxx

I get the whole distancing thing, usually it's not good to surround ourselves with people that being negative thoughts and feelings; life is too short for that I think and we're usually best to move on without them. Well done for taking a stand for your own betterment and wellbeing.

I have a hairdresser friend who musses up other womens' hairdos at parties. No one likes it - what woman hasn't fussed over her hair before a party? - but they tolerate it. You've reminded me of her. She drinks too much too, and is very likely high when she arrives. These drugs allow you to embrace one of your personalities. Once we let others know that personality is there, we are regarded differently when we are sober, yes.

Hmm, I imagine that would make her quite unpopular; what an odd thing to do, I wonder how and why she got into the habit. Some people are just weird.

It is odd, isn't it? For a hairdresser especially. But folks do tolerate her; she's generous and happy.

I wonder how she's react if someone invaded her personal space (in a happy way) and slapped her on the ass all the time. I'd volunteer to do the test on it to see. 🤔🤪

This is a hillbilly town. That is a great analogy. I think the effect on her would be very similar to the effect her actions have on others - awkwardness. It's basic manners regarding personal space.

I believe we should have etiquette wherever we are. I used to be one of those people who drank like crazy and that always led to negative things, perhaps not so serious, but which ended up hurting me in some way. I think that, even more so since it's a company event, we should take it easy, enjoy things a bit and stay calm.

What happened just makes the guy who crossed the line the bore of the story, something that people will remember, and I think we know that the bad things that happened are always easier to remember than the right ones, in other words, the negative situations are easily remembered by people, now the good things we do end up fading away.

I think you did the right thing, enjoyed it to the right extent and that's it, invitation guaranteed for next time haha 😀😊

It's good that you recognised your behaviour as negative for you and made the necessary changes; so many do not and that can lead them down roads best but travelled. What brought you to the realisation that change was needed?

It was basically other people talking to me afterwards, videos and pictures, like, you get that image of a crazy drunk when you get full of yourself and start making fun and stuff, there's always someone to film it and then joke about it haha. 😂

In this way, I became embarrassed with myself, seeing this way of acting, so I started to drink less, to be more relaxed or, as we say here, to drink just to be happy and not to clown around too much.

I love drinking alcohol. However, I learnt early enough never to cajole or encourage anyone to drink as much as I do, haven developed a high tolerance after years of practice (lol).

There have been several instances where I've been persuaded to try other vices like weed and cigarettes, and I've been curious enough to try them so I knew early on to draw the line. I've unfortunately had to cut ties with people who constantly persuaded me to keep trying with these narcotics.

I'm thick-headed and flexible enough to try things but also disciplined enough know when it's not worth continuing.

I know others who say the same thing, love alocohol, try various drugs etcetera, I guess it's a choice people make and as long as it doesn't negatively impact on others then only the individual has to deal with the fallout.

It is very annoying when a person drinks too much and somehow wants to push you to follow their example, especially if you don't like to drink alcoholic beverages or you like to stay alert and for that you have to stay away from alcohol. When that has happened to me, I simply try to stay away from this person and if he/she is close to me I try to take him/her away before he/she continues in worse ways or I call someone to come to rescue him/her and I leave if possible, greetings!

That's a good plan, limiting contact with people like this I mean. They're often idiots anyway, and I have no time for idiots.

Unfortunately, that's somewhat common here. The drinking culture is slowly dying away, but it still persists. It kind of verges on hazing, where anyone new at a drinking party, even a business one, is forced to drink more than they are comfortable with. Luckily as a foreigner I am somewhat exempt from it, but even I get the pressure sometimes. It might be a bit of positive racism, but I get the "you are a foreigner, so you must be very strong against alcohol" thing that I think is probably relatively common, the implied suggestion here being that I should prove I meet the stereotype. Navigating this without offending the Japanese social customs can be tricky.

I don't have a problem with drinking per se, it's pushing it on others I don't like, *pushing anything on others doesn't sit well I guess...like religion or political ideologies as well.

I'm a little late to the post, Galen but I applaud you because I do the same one or two drinks when they are social gatherings extension of the work environment. it has always been my personal policy...hahah people get uninhibited and the stripping begins.

I believe it's possible to have a good time without drinking in social engagements, it just takes a little personality and character I guess; there's no need to get drunk.

people get uninhibited and the stripping begins

If they are the right people... 🤣

Well ... if they are the right people I would enjoy it too the view is naughty and I always like to look at the beautiful and sexy, around me 😻

You minx. 😊

Jajajajja ☺️life is only one and it has to be seasoned, after all it has to be enjoyed healthily.

Seasoned with spice.

Truth is that we are pushed always, in one way or the other, right from the cradle because people want us to do what pleases them. And somehow we oblige some.

I agree, there's always someone trying to push us into something, that doesn't mean we have to capitulate though; it just takes ownership and discipline.

You are right!

It's been known to happen now and then, but not as often as I'd like. 🙄🤔😁

Whenever I decide not to drink a lot at an event where there is a lot of alcohol, something similar to you happens to me.
At a friend's birthday, at a concert, at a company team building...
The only difference is that I am usually convinced by more than one person...
And they are mostly younger people.
The more persistently I refuse to drink one more glass, the more persistent the alcoholics around me are to force me to +1.
And me, I'm the happiest when the atmosphere is good, I can dance and sing all night, we're with a glass of water.
In moments when I don't want to get drunk, I make sure to pour a glass of drink and a glass of water next to it. So I make it so that the ratio of the water entered in relation to the toasted alcoholic drink is 90:10 😄 and so I don't drink (because I didn't want to), and alcoholics quickly approach the state when they won't see me anymore, not to convince me to drink more.
I remember my student days. 6 of us are sitting at a house party, a joint is rolled, 5 of them pass it to each other, they skip me, because I asked them enough times not to offer me, because I'm not a consumer (I'm not even a smoker...).

I'm not into getting drunk, I like to be in control of myself and to be able to act or react appropriately in all situations. It certainly doesn't mean I don't drink, I do, and it doesn't mean I don't have fun...I just don't need to get sloppy to do it. I think we're the same in this way considering your comment above.

Almost peers 🙂

In my family there have been some problems with alcohol, we have had one tragic accident, but that's another story, you are very sensible and responsible and even more so with the work stuff.

I have nothing against alcohol to be honest, I drink now and then, but it speaks poorly of the character of someone who tries to force it upon others, especially as they may not know the situation or details behind the person choosing not to drink.

I believe that far from creating an atmosphere of enjoyment, drinking in these workplaces causes problems. Even if it is an after-work dinner, it is still the place where colleagues are, and an event organised by the company. It is not the same as going out with colleagues to a bar.

I'm with you here; I see these events as work and whilst I'm ok to relax a little (for me) there's still standards to uphold. Many probably don't agree with me though, or don't have the discipline to abstain. Each to their own I suppose, but trying to pressure someone I to drinking...what a fucken dumb ass.

Not all people have the same limits. But everyone is who they are and will figure out how to carry their heavy load.

I don't get too serious too often, but I still believe work functions should still have some boundaries, I mean, you have to see these folks again the day after or a few days after most of the time.

I care what my management and coworkers think of me, so going wild at a business functions is totally out of the question for me. I might have longer, general conversations with folks I don't normally get to talk to as a regular person, but drinking to much is totally out of the question.

Sometimes I think folks who have a desire to take advantage of the free drinks and see getting really drunk as having a good party, know that it doesn't look as good if you they are the only ones doing it, so trying to get others to do the same is a must !

People may not ever mention it to your face at work if you show your @$$ at a company function, but they don't forget it and they will quietly judge what kind of person they think you are. It's human nature.

Decorum at work functions (work in general) is important I think, one never knows when prior nutbaggery may come back to haunt. The lure of free drinks is difficult for some to deny I guess, but it's not often going to go well, as in the case I mention here.

We all have preferences and boundaries when it comes to drinking, and it's important for others to respect however some people don’t see it like that, they believe it’s part of them having fun. I am glad you handled it well

Some have no respect and those are the types who act as the individual in this post did; it certainly doesn't win them any respect in return, or friends.

I remember something similar happened to me. I attended a party with friends and decided to bring a car. Eventually a lot of my friends started teasing, and is pushing me to drink, but I just didn't mind them. What I ended up doing though was eating a lot of the food while they drank a lot. A family member had an accident with a drunk driver, so I know the risks, and I try my best to keep safe.

lot of my friends started teasing, and is pushing me to drink

Assholes.

It wasn't as bad as your experience, since they're my friends. But yeah, a lot of people tend to want others to drink or keep on drinking as long as they are.

It sounds like you handled it quite well. I can't think of any situation off the top of my head where I was forced into something. In my past life I became very good at being the one who had to stay responsible and I became quite good at it.

I think the guy just got a little carried away with the moment, lacks discipline, but that isn't an excuse in my book. I'm not the guy who gets forced or coerced into doing things I do not wish to so there was zero chance of that happening, but it was annoying nonetheless.

As a retired alcoholic who has spent more time in bars since I quit drinking than when I was drinking, I've run into that type on more than few occasions. I have a three strikes routine I employ with them, the first time they try I politely explain I don't drink, the second time I tell a bit of my 'the last time I got drunk I escaped from the jail' story. The third time I ask if they want to fight. So far no one has been dumb enough to persist after that. Doubt that method would work quite as well in a work setting, but I see that sort of behavior as incredibly disrespectful and in need of addressing in some sort of fashion.

Yep, and there's a perfect reason not to push the have a drink agenda. One never knows the reason behind abstinence.

I'm usually patient, as you are, explain logically, but the more intoxicated the person becomes the more vociferous they often become. Sometimes a smashed bottle in the neck one must get a little more forceful with the individual .

Heh, I used to work security at a bar like the one in this video (same small chain, different location). Friday and Saturday nights we'd have 1500 people in there loaded on booze and drugs, got lots of practice at getting a little more forceful 😎

I recall you saying so before...I don't know how you did it to be honest.

I was reading you and remembering all those times when something similar happened to me, not with alcohol but with other things.

I don't drink alcohol, if I do it in a meeting and always with my family. I don't feel very well, I get sleepy quickly and I get dizzy, so I don't drink anything at all at any meeting, and I don't care what people say.

But I have felt pressured many times in the past, especially at parties. I don't like dancing, I don't dance and I won't dance, but I've even been dragged into it and I hate it. People don't respect different tastes and that makes me very upset.

I just try to stay away from the dancing area or be with people who are similar to me and if not go outside. Today it's different, I'm not in that area anymore and I have people close to me who are like me and that makes me happy, people who understand me and share with me and if I go out they won't force me.

Like you I think that this is what a work meeting is all about and there must be respect and a certain... right atmosphere.

People are free to choose I guess, which means people can choose to be ignorant assholes who try to push their agendas on others. It is never going to stop I suppose. It's a respect thing probably, lack of self respect and none for others either.

Sorry, my response isn't as long as yours, I just don't have the time sometimes.

It's just that this topic brought back a lot of memories.

I understand perfectly... always.

It's true everyone is free to be...ignorant idiots, it kills me with laughter but it's true!

I figured that was the case. I wish I had the time to respond to everyone in the way I'd like to but I've got to fit everything in and don't have the time, or inclination, to spend on Hive every minute.

I understand perfectly, don't worry!

Have a great day!

It is quite normal in functions, people drink and push others into it. But function at a work place providing plenty of free alcohol, strange, isn't it?

Trying to push me into anything doesn't usually work out so well for the person doing the pushing. It's unacceptable.

I remember your one comment, it was something about fighting with another guy and you said

If someone punches me in the face it should be so hard to kill me or the consequences will be devastating. So I can understand the line

Trying to push me into anything doesn't usually work out so well for the person doing the pushing

Lmao

It's normal for people to push alcohol on others where you live? Thankfully I don't live there. People are idiots.

It is what happens in the functions. They consider it as a part of fun.

I was at a work function last week and was one of the few who didn't drink. I certainly don't like drinking in a work related environment even if it is in a restaurant or other such occasion. It felt great driving home after! Luckily we didn't have anyone pushing others to drink, but a few people pushed themselves though. Do people need alcohol to have a good time in a social setting?

I'm with you on the work drinking...and do people have to drink to have a good time in a social setting? Good question to which I believe the answer to be no, they do not.

I have a theory about why I think people do this. Deep down they want a partner in crime. The ones who do this really don't feel that drinking is OK (even though they may not admit that to themselves) and feel better if they get others to do it.

That said I have never understood the need to get others to join you in your activities, but I am by nature not a joiner and hate telling or convincing others to do something.

I like to drink, but when someone tries to convince me to, it becomes a personal challenge to do the opposite :-)

I can be contrary.

In my personal experience, drinking around workmates is fraught with traps and try to avoid it.

You're probably right, it can bring them acceptance to bring someone "on board" with their activity, drinking at the work function for instance. It's a rather needy thing to want to do I suppose and doesn't show a good strength of character or personal integrity in my estimation; something that can have adverse effects when done at a work function right?

Ha! Yeah, I have seen a few "adverse effects" for others at work functions. Long ago had one or two small ones myself and now stay away from it :-)

I just take the you do you approach with these folks and it usually works. If they are far into their cups and irrational, I just run away like a little child ;-)

Reasoning with a drunk is tiresome. I think everyone loves me when I am drunk! Hahaha! Turns out they don't!

Interesting how a drunk person thinks they're more interesting, funny, likeable or whatever...typically they are not.

That's good that you know how to limit yourself unlike other drinkers

Yeah, people do things differently based on their needs I guess.

Well I use to drink hard liquors before but I had to stop

I generally frown at people who try to force certain acts like drinking and smoking upon people at a social event. I mean, everyone has a personal reason why they take few bottles or why they don't take at all. This coercive attitude just depicts a form of insensitivity to the matters of life and shows how unruly one can be.

Insensitivity and often insecurity too; I'm not into people pushing me to do anything at all, I'm my own man and know very well how to be that.

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