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For a while now I have been hypervigilant, I don't know if it will be a way of self-control in the face of demanding myself. Sometimes it's hard for me to get up very early, and it's a weird thing for me, because I'm an early riser, but sometimes when I wake up before 4 AM, I think I won't go back to sleep.
So, I look for the calculator on my cell phone that is always on my bedside table and I add up the hours of the week, thinking about where I put my energy, who I give it to and what I did it for. To understand that everything adds up, when we don't know what we want, it will be a subtraction, to nourish and dream.
And I think if I drown in a glass of water, it's because maybe I still lack experience in life. This thought has been going through my head, and also on what might be going on. I have been able to prove it, because the lack of problems is an addiction, and since problems are disguised opportunities that help me grow and improve, definitely facing them prepares me maybe!!! Maybe... For the future challenges.
Maybe those challenges and difficulties are gasoline, maybe when I don't secrete adrenaline and cortisol I feel comfortable because I'm used to the agitation lolll, I've wondered about it, and I'm making adjustments for my well-being, I think it's delicious, pleasant to walk calmly and at my own pace and compass.
It will be that in this way I prepare myself so that everything will slip "cosmic butter" and not drown in difficulties.
I am very passionate about my work, I believe in the potential of people, especially in the one they have hidden, and that it is very easy for me to explore (I was born for this), I love music, training, creating rituals that expand me to my environment, I am very intense, sometimes nagging and many times the landings to dry land are with zero compassion, because my goal is for people in my environment to activate and wake up.
What another challenge we need in life, to be aware and make it different. Does it resonate with you? What if I don't make it?
This reminds me, when as a child at school, back then, I had a friend at school with whom I really wanted to play and be around other children during recess, but at the same time I was very afraid that they would not want to play with me or that at the end of the day they would leave me alone, or reject me at school break, as many times happened to me.
From this experience (challenge) I learned that, even if I wanted to join others and have fun, I often ended up walking away just to avoid feeling sad in case something went wrong. It's like wanting to jump into a swimming pool because it looks fun, but being afraid that the water will be very cold.
This is how we feel this wound of rejection, of abandonment that has its origin in childhood and that makes us afraid of the challenge of living and at least for me, it has made me hypervigilant in all aspects of my life.
In the photo my pet Rex, who lives in the terrarium that my husband built for him, lives there hyper-vigilant to any challenge in his world.
I heard there that difficulty brings us possibilities and that facing adversity better prepares us for future challenges with an open mind and a strong heart, recognizing that, although, there are risks, the ability to love and be loved is one of the most rewarding experiences in human life. Has it happened to you? What are you drowning in, in what do you need? Do you need more challenges in your life? Let's talk in comments.
Janitze.
Separator made with Canva by @janitzearratia
Any images in this post are taken with my iPhone 12, the Infinix pro-note 30 or with the camera eighties Rolleiflex 2.8 f, and edited by me with Canva
Translation with |DeepL