So I started this little personal experiment of surrounding myself with money gurus. Not because I love money. I really do not. I am trying to see if I can train my brain to feel something other than dread around it. Childhood trauma, financial instability, all that fun stuff… we will talk about that another day.
Anyway, yesterday I stumbled onto a YouTube video titled “You’re 69 Minutes Away From NEVER Being Broke Again.”
Catchy. Impossible not to click.
At one point the hosts started talking about generosity and how one of them helped the other build his business in a hundred different ways while he himself was broke. The moral of the story was that generosity attracts abundance and that if you give freely the universe will return it.
And, I just sat there thinking:
What planet are they living on? Because it is definitely not Finland. And absolutely not Spain.
Because in my experience, generosity does not bounce back like that.
And I learned that very clearly last year.
The friend who taught me everything I did not want to know about generosity
A friend of mine came to Spain for a month. She was on burnout leave. She had an actual burnout, not the fashionable “I need a break” kind. She was exhausted, lost, and desperately trying to figure out a new path for her life.
I supported her fully.
I found her an apartment to stay in. One of the Airbnb units we managed.
I gave her space, time, comfort, and encouragement.
I listened to her frustrations, her hopelessness, her confusion.
For four weeks my energy went into holding her up.
Around that same time I had found the perfect premises for a coffee shop.
A dream location.
Everything I had always wanted except for the part where it required 150K to make it real.
I told her, “I am going to try. I will talk to investors. I will network. I will build something.”
And she said she wanted to help.
“We will do it together,” she said.
I believed her.
But what actually happened was this:
I did all the work. All of it. While she sat beside me like a supportive pillow.
I built the deck.
I contacted people.
I pushed through fear and rejection.
She kept repeating:
“I don’t know anyone.”
“I don’t feel comfortable reaching out.”
“I cannot talk to my parents.”
And I did not judge her. She was burned out.
She genuinely had nothing to give.
Or so I thought.
Because at the end of her stay, out of nowhere, she announced she had found a perfect apartment she wanted to invest in.
Interesting, because she had insisted she had no money.
Even more interesting, she suddenly started using my exact networking methods to secure help from people in her own circle. People she had not even mentioned existed.
She walked away with my techniques, my confidence strategies, my networking approach, and her new investment plan.
And what did I get back?
Absolutely nothing.
No contacts.
No help.
No follow through.
Not even emotional support once she was back on her feet.
Generosity did not create abundance.
It created an imbalance.
And I realized that I had been giving to someone who, even unintentionally, was only taking.
Burnout or not, the dynamic revealed everything I needed to know.
This is why “generosity attracts abundance” is not universal
In some cultures, maybe generosity circles back.
Maybe people help you the way you help them.
Maybe the universe is full of people who lift each other.
But in Finland and Spain, the culture is deeply individualistic.
People work alone.
People survive alone.
People build alone.
There is no “we rise together” mentality.
There is “good luck, hope it works,” and that is where it ends.
This is not bitterness.
It is observation.
Which brings me to the hard conclusion I have been circling for months:
If I ever want to build something meaningful, I may need a partner from a culture where generosity is part of business DNA, like the USA.
Americans are far more likely to collaborate, mentor, invest, uplift, and see potential in a partnership.
So perhaps my path forward is to find someone in the US who wants a Spanish branch. I bring my knowledge of Spain, let them bring the capital, and build something together for real.
Because here is the thing I am not afraid to say anymore:
I am alone. And no one here cares.
And strangely, that honesty gives me strength. I can stop expecting generosity where it does not exist and start looking for it where it truly does.
Did you open the coffee shop?
No, I couldn't find the investors or partners who could finance it 🫠🫠 currently sending cold emails to Norway for coffee shop owners if anyone wants to branch out. Next UK & USA
Too bad. Good luck!
Thanks!
It is quite relative to the society I guess, but it does work not necessarily the same way. It's wht keeps humans together esp families....
I think you’re right that generosity is very dependent on the society and the environment. In some places it genuinely circulates and creates support systems, especially within close families.
My experience has simply been the opposite. I’ve lived in cultures where generosity toward non-family members is very limited, and where people tend to keep their resources and networks to themselves. So instead of creating abundance, generosity often ends up flowing in only one direction.
It doesn’t mean generosity is bad. It just means it doesn’t function the same way everywhere, and for some of us it has come with more emotional cost than return. That’s exactly why I wrote the essay. To show a different side of the concept.