I scroll a lot on TikTok (too much, maybe).
And the other day, I stumbled upon a woman who said she went to a male therapist because she lacked confidence. Her logic?
Males are nothing but confident, so she decided to learn from the master of confidence.
But the therapist didn’t tell her to study men in general.
He told her to study an F1 driver: Kimi Räikkönen.
Yes, Finland’s national treasure of not giving a single damn.
The absolute icon of nonchalance, blunt honesty, and laser focus. The man who built a career out of saying three words per interview, sometimes just “no.”
As a Finn, watching Kimi’s interviews hits a special nerve.
They’re hilarious.
There’s truth in the way he embodies Finnish minimalism and dry humor, but he takes it to an art form.
He has boundaries like stone walls, self-esteem made of titanium, and confidence that doesn’t even try to prove itself.
And that made me think:
what am I actually lacking here?
Is it confidence, or is it motivation?
Because why do I have seven different topics racing around my mind that I want to write about, and I’m still scrolling TikTok like I get paid doing it?
Why do I have an action plan for which companies I should pitch to, and I’m not sending those emails?
Like, hello?
Funny enough, one of my old clients called me recently. He owns an apartment in Málaga city center, and apparently word got around that I’m “bossy with men.”
(Which I choose to interpret as “has leadership energy.” I’m not trying to boss anyone around; it just comes naturally.)
He said I’m the kind of woman who can handle construction guys like a general handles his troops: calm, assertive, efficient.
And as we talked, he mentioned that I’d made a lasting impression.
Not just on the guy I worked with, but on him too.
That moment hit me.
Maybe what I see in the mirror isn’t what the world sees at all.
But still, something’s missing.
Maybe it’s not confidence I need to rebuild, but hunger.
Motivation. The kind of spark that pushes people to climb higher, not just stand tall.
So maybe that’s the next step.
Maybe I need to find the master of motivation the same way Kimi is the master of not giving a single damn.
Because sometimes, when you feel stuck, you don’t need to “fix yourself.”
You just need to find the absolute master of whatever you’re lacking and study how they move through the world.
And then remember this:
Be who you are, and add on top of that.
You don’t need to become someone else.
You just need to expand the version of you that already exists.
This is great, the fact that your are aspiring for more; many are simply comfortable in a spot. Of course, we have all got distractions, but all we can do is to continue opposing it; it is in fact an endless fight. And for the commendations, you are indeed what people see in you... You are probably even more.
Thank you so much! I am super interested on improving myself and I think that it's required if you want to succeed at all
Absolutely 👌
For one to succeed, they must constantly strive to improve themselves
That's a good reflection. We all need that one person who's like a master who energies us. I hope you find the master of motivation you seek.
Thank you so much! Still seeking, but hopefully I will find one who I can look up to
As someone who has trained many Finns over the years, a lot of the problem people have with confidence is that they think they need to know more. That is not the case. There are a lot of very competent unconfident people. There are also a lot of incompetent confident people. I am more incompetent unconfident.
One thing going for Finns though, is Finns are pretty direct and the "don't talk much" walks as a negotiating tool.
On a side note, a million years ago I was randomly at a bar with Kimi.
"I am more incompetent unconfident." Oh come on, you need to coach yourself out of that believe 🙂↔️ It's always an amazing bragging point if you have been in a same bar as Kimi
Don't confuse don't give a damn with confidence. Confidence and not giving a damn can co-exist in one person or you can just have one and not the other :)
I think they key to confidence that is most effective is also truly believe in what you are doing. Like 100% believe that you are becoming the best in something even if it turns out not to be true. But having that belief will make you hit your target 20% of the time where without that belief you would hit it only 10% of the time.
Male confidence:
I understand what you mean. Confidence can be the belief that you are the best even when you are not. That is the performative kind.
The version I meant in my post is the Kimi-style confidence. It is the quiet and grounded kind that comes from not caring about external noise or opinions.
For some people, not giving a damn is not separate from confidence. It creates it.
It removes fear, and then real self-trust shows up naturally.