Since communication is one of my interest areas, lately, I have read a few articles from different sources about the growing lack of communication skills in young people which reinforces my own predictions from many years ago, and growing observations. As I see it, as we have become increasingly separated by screens and driven by self-centred desire, we are losing our interpersonal skills, and rather than asking, we are demanding.
I say we, because it is happening in all age groups.
But the young are the worst.
Because they have grown up in a set of conditions where they have had everything available, on-demand, and whatever content they want, they can access. They have also been raised in an environment where they have been emotionally wrapped in cottonwool and taught to express their feelings unreservedly, regardless of the consequences or impacts on others. In someway, this could be seen as honesty, but when feelings themselves go unvalidated and can be triggered by untruths, it is harmful.
If you talk to a lot of young people and read the way they are behaving, they will talk about "creating boundaries" in their lives which pretty much always comes down to doing and getting more of what they want. In the workplace, it means doing less work. In relationships, it becomes the tyranny of dictators, demanding that whoever they interact with, does so in a way that they get their needs fulfilled, without offence.
Boundary or Barrier?
Take yourself back to childhood. Think of all the things that you didn't like, but you like now. Perhaps it was certain vegetables, or a type of drink. Maybe it was spicy food. It could have been certain sports, or even preferred looks. And then also think of all the "I will never" comments you made that you ended up doing later in life, and enjoying.
Imagine all of those were your boundaries to future experience.
The thing with all of these boundaries that people are making, is that they are often based of non-existent or narrow experience, assumptions and misunderstandings. And what people are doing is burning their bridges to future possibility, creating barriers to different experiences. Young people are making judgements from a very limited understanding about what is important and how they will feel about things in the future, narrowing their potential and reducing the relationships that could possibly enrich their experience later.
There is a cost to action.
While it might be healthy to develop boundaries, part of maturity is actually about testing boundaries. It is about expansion, while creating boundaries is about limitation. And a lot of people are limiting themselves based on some pretty poor information that is coming from their peer group, who is also inexperienced. It is like a fifteen year old listening to another fifteen year old about how to cope with a breakup.
The blind leading the blind.
Abd it isn't that older people know better per se, because that isn't always the case, because it is going to similarly depend on the experience of the person. I know people who are in their thirties who have never been in a serious relationship, never gone through a breakup, yet believe that they are authorities on relationships. I also know people in their thirties and forties who have never held a full-time job, struggle to make ends meet, and live off their parents. Do you take career advice from that person?
The thing is, building wisdom (timely knowledge + practical skill), takes experience. But if setting up barriers to get that very experience takes precedent in order to make the world more comfortable now, it means foregoing future possibility for immediate emotional safety. The thing with emotional safety is, the more one acquires it, the less safe the world becomes. The best way to make life comfortable, is to learn how to deal with discomfort, not reduce discomforts until the body is so soft everything presses into it and creates an uncomfortable environment.
But the bubble world the younger generations have been raised into, has been a place where they are able to choose their surroundings and inevitably and with the reduction in random events, they are choosing where they feel good. But that bubble is not reality when dealing with a wide range of people, like in the workplace. This means that when random interactions with a range of undesirable personalities becomes the norm, the discomfort trigger fires and they are looking to create another boundary, another fence. They think they are keeping the bad out, but what they are actually doing is locking themselves in.
It is important that we set healthy boundaries for ourselves in life. But it is even more important that we have the type of experience we need in order to choose and build those boundaries in a way that we are empowered, rather than disenfranchised. This is not what most people are doing now though, as instead of understanding the environment, they are only looking at it all from their perspective and as if they are in a vacuum that is entitled to provision and support.
Tyrannical.
And tyrants inevitably end up deposed.
And I think that we can see this in the way that so many young people are struggling with a multitude of mental health issues, as they look to label their condition to explain why they feel the way they feel - rather looking at the role that they themselves played in painting themselves into a corner through all of their demands, boundaries, and unwillingness to compromise on their own desires.
I am finally starting to see a little pushback on some of the nonsense that has driven us into these situations, but it is very soft and it is often shouted down or dismissed. But in time, my hope is that we as a society will stop looking to limit ourselves and maintain the status quo that we are weak, and instead start expanding ourselves again and becoming more comfortable with ambiguity and uncertainty in our world.
As it is only the unknown, that new solutions can be found.
Taraz
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Youth today tackle boundaries in a totally different way, the world is different. Good grounding in the home will stand them in good stead to face obstacles we never knew.
Every age there is a stage, as a child I refused spicy food, now I thrive on it, we all change.
The problem is, most homes don't have good grounding either.
A lot of people are giving up their potential in the future, because they really don't know what they are giving up.
"Spare the rod, spoil the child", taken too far where outside influences think they know what is best for raising a child.
Many giving up 'lost in direction', never knowing what tomorrow may bring. Positive mind is what is needed to keep plugging forward, after all tomorrow might never come, or many tomorrow's to follow.
I was at a conference last week and in one of the sessions they were focusing on how much stuff has moved to online meetings and things like that. People just aren't as engaged as they used to be.
And yet they still expect everyone else (but themselves) to do their jobs.
Although boundaries can be beneficial, they might turn into obstacles that hinder growth and new experiences in an individual's life. Thus, I think that young people today should understand that feeling uncomfortable can result in important lessons and stronger relationships.
Perhaps they should ask those who are older than them and who have a good life now, what actually matters.
If I look back to my childhood and think about my preferences at that time, I think they were quite ordinary. Although I have no interest in them now, but to be honest, the things that were on my childhood list are more desirable to young people today. When I think back to my childhood, I feel so good and how sweet that time was. If I could have that childhood life back! I would never want to grow up!
The thing is, they are never growing out of their childish desires.
That is what they are doing. The problem is, they are growing up.
Reading this post, it made me reflect on how technology and comfort have shaped our behaviour drastically.
Many young people these days are building barriers, not boundaries. And there is a big difference. They want to control over every situation. But life doesn't work that way.
It cannot go your way always.
The part of looking themselves in release to that. It's like being in a bubble that eventually becomes a cage that you cannot get free from. We all need to learn how to face discomfort and talk to others. Understanding their own perspective and opinion also. Not demanding our way always.
This growth takes challenge. And this challenge takes courage.
Demanding how to be treated, while treating others terribly.
They say experience is the best teacher. There is no way someone can be wise or be knowledgeable when they don't learn from others or from their own personal experience.
Many young people, including some I know personally, struggle to communicate effectively beyond screens. It’s like real conversation is becoming a lost art. I agree that while setting boundaries is good, many now use it as an excuse to avoid growth or discomfort. I’ve seen people cut off others too quickly just because they don’t want to feel challenged. Like you said, it is common among the younger generations since they believe they can make it online, maybe through content creation without actually making contact into the real world.
The part about “boundaries becoming barriers” really stood out to me. I think real maturity comes when we learn to balance protecting our peace with being open to experiences that stretch us. Life won’t always be comfortable, and sometimes, those uncomfortable moments are what build our character.
Honestly, I also believe this problem isn’t only with the young,it’s spreading across generations or what should we say about the coming generations since it is youth of today that will become adults of tomorrow. We’re all becoming too sensitive and too quick to retreat instead of communicating better.
and as a result, the communication required for a healthy relationship. No wonder so many of them are unable to have a long-term relationship of quality.
And often, these are the things we value most about our lives later. Hardship is life building, not just character building.
This really hit hard. You made the point about how our boundaries have turned into excuses for avoiding growth. We see many young people now , they are confused trying to protect their peace by avoiding responsibility or discomfort and also. Yes testing boundaries is also part of becoming. We grow up when we face challenges, we have the courage to move out beyond our comfort zone.
Life isn't meant to feel comfortable every time and that is fine and even about this balance is still the key when we set boundaries that protects us it gives us the room to change and learn.
A life of comfort leads to a life unlived.
Oh, you say something that many people are avoiding to talk about. That idea that too much emotional safety can also make us weaker is also true. Recently I've noticed how some people now take every disagreement as an attack to their ego.
We've lost the skill of communicating calmly and understanding different opinions of others. I also love how you talk about the wisdom that comes from experience, not just that feeling. This reminds us that the growth often feels uncomfortable. Maybe if we start embracing those discomforts, then we can get our way back to good and real relationships with others in a more meaningful way.
Yep. And their only way to defend is to attack back. The art of discussion is dying a rapid death.
I think so, but it means stepping away from the most engaging and compelling aspects of many people's lives now, the screen - and putting oneself in "danger" with other people who might think different ways.
wait, i have something to say about that, but can't talk now.. i'll txt u..
:P j/k
but as a non, never been an astronaut, let me tell u how out of this world i think u and ur posts are.. :)
don't txt - send an emoji only.
😁
Love area:
When I was younger and cellphones didn't exist, it was more difficult for some of us to get a girlfriend. To talk face to face with a girl was kind of challenge. With time I developed communication skills that allowed me to interact with girls. With the creation of cellphones everything is easier. A few days ago I was talking with friends at work about how easy is to build relationships through the social media. Through social media you are capable of saying things that you won't dare to say face to face. Even though I know that interpersonal relationships are dying I admit that technology allows introverts to reach other people easily.
I put it down to all the horrible misinformation spread by influencers and celebrities on subjects such as relationships, emotional well-being and the rest. Young people fail to understand that being a popular person in the society or having a social media account with a large following does not qualify you to give advice in any area of life that you've not formally studied and been certified in. So whatever crap their favourite celeb throws they swallow without thinking. Some go as far as taking medical advice from doctors on social media. Pathetic, to put it mildly.
The only way to change this, as I see it, is to control what information is put out for people to see, and that the information is coming from certified professionals. Can you imagine something as funny as a young woman applying a piece of advice she picked from social media in her marriage? What happened to visiting qualified marriage counselors if one's marriage is troubled?
I thought this for much of my life, just being brash and direct is the best form of honesty. As I've gotten older though, I see the value in applying a bit of tact and thoughtfulness to save everyone some discomfort. When the young people I talk to don't hear what they want to hear, they are less likely to come back to have a conversation with you. They rather enjoy their echo chamber from my PoV, and they would rather surround themselves with yes men than have difficult conversations and confrontations.
I've seen it splinter my friend group lately over somewhat racial lines as tension over Trump's mandates and Israel's army offensive rage on. People lack the emotional depth to hold difficult conversations without feelings being hurt and friendships getting destroyed. At times, it is even too much for me, the elder statesman of our crew. I sure would love to go back to simpler times during the Obama administration.
You definitely have a point here... While I always think of myself as a poor communicator my son is degrees of magnitude worse...
The problem is that he wouldn't listen to anything I or others have to say to him, he always has his own opinion on everything and thinks that he knows best...