Sometimes, you just have to grow up.
Just a little.
Which is why we have spent this weekend cleaning up Smallsteps' room. Not much actually gets thrown away since it will go to younger children in the family and charity, but there was a lot of things whose time was expired for this stage of her life. I guess most kids go through a stage where they don't want to let go of stuff, even though they know they have outgrown it.
I think I had less of a problem with it because I didn't have anyone putting any pressure on me to do it and, I had so little stuff. But I was thinking about it the other day that I tend to hold onto things that are given to me, even if they are not special, have an expiry date, or go off like food. I think it was because so little was given to me when young, as being the fourth child meant getting hand-me-downs. Nothing was really mine. So now, when something is mine, I treasure it.
My precioussssss.
The root of suffering is attachment.
I don't think it is possible to be truly detached from everything, so I guess it would be wise to really spend time considering what we are willing to suffer for. I think that personally, I have caused myself (and others) grief because I have been attached to things that were ultimately not that important, but I over-emphasised their meaning to me for some reason. So many things that in hindsight are just silly, or I don't even remember what they were. let alone why I cared so much.
I am generally getting better with this, sweating the small things less, but at the same time trying to work out what is actually important. Yes, family is important. But what I find interesting is that the small things I might "stress" about tend to be part of larger things. For instance, without naming names, let's say someone doesn't pack the dishwasher well and it is all over the place - It annoys me me for several reasons. One is that less fits in which means it is a waste of energy. Another is that it is harder to unpack (even though there is less in there) because things are all over the place. And then and more importantly, it speaks to a larger issue of organisation and taking the time to do it properly, thereby saving time.
Make good decisions, not bad habits.
I said this to Smallsteps the other day, and I think it is a pretty good quote. If no one else has said it, it is blockchained as mine. That aside, I have been saying to Smallsteps for a while when she goes out with friends and places to make good decisions and I think it is better than "don't do anything stupid". But what is interesting is that the decisions we make become our habits, which means if we make a habit to have a place for everything, and have a habit to put things in their place, the areas are always clean and orderly.
But this is about all habits, which are made based on repetition. If we were to continually make good decisions with the actions of our lives, we would build habits that nurture good outcomes. It is when we aren't paying attention and repetitively making bad decisions that we fall into the trap and build bad habits repetitively. And each has a knock-on effect that makes it easier to make another bad decision, and harder to make a good decision. When we are in that spiral downward, it is hard to pull out of it.
And I guess this goes with attachment to nonsense items and traditions that no longer serve us. We repetitively give them meanings that lose their validity, and make them part of our identity for some reason. Not necessarily that we are nothing without them, but that they represent some part of us and losing, discarding, or giving away that item or tradition, is giving away a part of us. It can be as silly as a pair of expensive shoes that are no longer usable. We have attached ourselves to the price paid, rather than the value they give, so getting rid of them is seen as a cost, when it is actually a gain to get rid of things that are no longer suitable.
We gain space, time, a reduction in psychic load.
While the three of us were cleaning up Smallsteps' room, I was thinking about all the things that have upset me that never needed to even move the needle at all. The loss of something that can no longer have anything done about it for instance. It is gone, move on. Learn from the experience though.
My brain struggles at the best of times with processing energy, which is one of the reasons I struggle with things like my willpower. Yet, knowing this, why would I add more mental load onto my brain that not only steals energy, but also create emotional turmoil which translates into physical stress too. It is silly.
I should be more like our dog.
Care for a moment, let it go, and then sleep peacefully.
Taraz
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I think humans naturally tend to create traditions around everything. A great example of that are religions, take a Christian religion for example, it has really accumulated a lot of traditions around it to the point where these are no longer applicable in the modern world, but people are stubbornly following them...
And assigning meaning to what was meaningless not too long ago. Coke made the "traditional" red-suited santa we have to have.
In Soviet Union instead of Santa we had Grandpa Frost (Ded Moroz)... Ded Moroz wears a heel-length fur coat (shuba). It can be red, but it is historically and traditionally blue, light blue, or white, trimmed with white fur and heavily decorated with silver embroidery.
My wife is pretty good at not being attached to things, so by default, I have gotten a bit better at letting stuff go. The garage is probably the exception. She leaves that alone and I have taken advantage of it. I might need that piece of wood one day though.
I think it is good to have a partner that balances us. Mine at times is too similar to me.
hey, I renovated an entire small room with that piece of wood :)
See! I do need to clean my garage at some point this winter though.
Wish we could outgrow our mental junk.
Wouldn't that be nice. I wonder what life would be like if never collecting it, or learning how to deal with it from a young age properly. Not psycho babble crap, but actual practical methods.
I think there is an important point in this post: sometimes we are not attached to the objects themselves, but to the memories and feelings they represent
Letting go doesn't necessarily mean forgetting. Some things deserve to remain in our memories rather than continue taking up space in our present lives
Learning what is worth holding onto and what we should let go of is, in my opinion, an important part of truly growing up
Thank you, Mr. Taraz, you always make me think.
When we lighten the physical load of accumulation, we have more energy to spend on the mental appreciation.
You have a very good model. that helped you get a cool photo.
Some people grow up, some grow fat...
And some people(mostly dictators and tyrants) tend to grow down.
I am the latter.
And the young generations today. Me, me, me.
I wonder: would saying ,me too'' in this case make me part of young generations...
I definitely don't feel that young by now.😛I see similar traits in me as far as your dishwasher incident is concerned....but i have understood that not everyone has same sense or approach and cant be disciplined as I can be. or different individuals have different approach. so I took on my self to correct any mess around, rather than expecting others to do
I like this quotes a lot , worth to share our to next generation kids. however good decision does not comes in a day, a kid could learn from bad decision, It is important to keep an watchful eye till they develop good habits and learned from their bad decision.
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The challenge becomes when it reinforces bad behaviour. Look at the mess of the world - who is going to clean it up?
i think it will take overhaul approach to change the humanity. people are more self centered even they give due weightage to their own improvement, it may help someday to get all the mess clear
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Hard truth. We treat our minds like an attic for useless junk sometimes. Definitely needed to hear this today. Good stuff, man.
When I was a kid I imagined that when we sleep our brains reorder our mind. But, like a computer, we need to defrag it occasionally too.
Mine probably needs a full factory reset after a busy week, not just a quick defrag haha😄
I think some people become more mature with experience, while others simply get older without ever questioning themselves.
I think this is becoming more common today. Age is meaningless without learning from experience.
I enjoy occasionally opening a book or magazine from my childhood, or taking out some kitchen item that has survived for half a century. But I’m very laid-back when it comes to material possessions: if I have extra money, I often spend it without much thought; if I’m short on cash, I don’t worry at all about going long periods without buying anything new.
There is nothing wrong with being sentimental imo. The trouble is when we are sentimental over low value.
Cleaning out rooms as kids grow really makes you reflect on why we cling to physical items and old habits. Letting go of clutter and mental baggage definitely frees up so much space.
And I think there is a lesson in it for the children also.
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Human nature and it's ways are quite interesting. Halloween is another example
Excess of attachment breeds disorder and chaos🙃
Thanks