Smallsteps is ill.
She has a flu, which is not unexpected considering that everyone has, has had, or will have a flu at the moment, as various strains are running their course locally. But, she is pretty ill was a mid-range fever and has spent the day on the couch in front of the TV, dozing in and out of sleep. It is probably the most she has ever sat in front of the TV and when she got up to go to the bathroom, she said that "walking feels weird" after sitting and laying for so long. She is also tired of being asked if she needs anything.
Last night as I put her into bed and we knew she was staying home, I was telling her about what I remember of those sick days at home from school, which wasn't much. However, I remember reading and drawing, because there was nothing on TV during the days back then, other than the odd midday soap. There was sometimes a "midday matinee" movie also, which no matter what it was, was better than Bold and the Beautiful or Days of Our Lives. Most of the time though, the TV was off and I would just be in bed, doing nothing at all.
Doing nothing used to be a thing.
I feel that we don't "do nothing" anymore and will instead do something useless to take up our time, like watch something or scroll a feed. I am not sure how many of us actually have any space to be quiet and sit with whatever thoughts may arise when it is quiet enough. It feels like there is always noise around, but I am not sure we notice it.
It reminds me of when I was working at McDonald's many years ago and after a late shift I'd walk out of the store into the night and it would feel like the night was silent. After being surrounded for hours by dozens of machines that beep and people constantly talking, the contrast of the evening was stark and a clear reminder of how we can become accustomed to the noise.
We seem to keep choosing noise.
Not just sound noise, but the irrelevant noises of the world that bring little value, other than taking up the space of our mind so we don't have to think, don't have to evaluate, don't have to be alone. And I think that last one is a big reason that people doomscroll their life away, as they find themselves in a situation where they are lonely but also unable or willing to build the relationships with the world that would have them doing something more, something valuable, something they actually enjoy.
Does anyone really enjoy doomscrolling?
Yet it is apparently a better alternative than sitting alone with thoughts in the silence. Random content that brings little personal value and is usually pointless even as entertainment as it gets scrolled by in a fraction of a second, is better than having to think and consequently, feel. Perhaps the fear is if we sit in silence with our thoughts, is that we will have thoughts that we don't want to have, realisations that we don't want to know, understanding that we would rather remain ignorant to - about who we are, how we are, and where else we could have been.
As adults, we often find that we will get sick once we have the space to be so. Our holiday starts, as does the illness. It is like our bodies know that we can't afford to be sick, until we have the space, but our bodies also know that we can't work endlessly without giving ourselves a break, because eventually the illness will force its way through.
Perhaps our minds are the same, where mental illness requires the space to heal, but we aren't giving it that space and instead keeping our brains engaged and distracted by a lot of irrelevant noise, rather than the space to be ill and recover to come back stronger. This could be part of the reason why there is so much mental illness in society now, where instead of dealing with the issues when they are small, they are ignored until they grow force their way out under pressure. And when they finally get our attention, they seem unsurmountable and we feel helpless, victimised by something out of our control.
But is it out of our control?
Maybe it becomes so at the extremes, because we chose not to deal with it when we had a chance to make a difference, to step away from the cliff. Once we have gone over that edge though, we fall and there is no way back, nothing to hold onto, just the gravity of the situation running its course, with its inevitable end. And because we ignored it for so long, we had no safety guards and signs to keep us away from the edge, or safety nets in place to catch us, just in case we ignored the signs.
We keep ignoring the signs.
But what is there to catch us?
When it comes to mental health in society today, we tend to expect external support from those around us, from governments, from healthcare, from companies. We feel that we are entitled to care, even though we have ignored all those signs and actively avoided dealing with our issues by quietening the noise and discovering what is there in the silence, waiting for attention. And yes, we should have safety nets in place for when we have failed, but we should also learn how to manage our lives so we don't fall off cliffs in the first place.
For that though, we need space away from the noise.
The helpings hands of silence.
Taraz
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When we decided to purchase the property in Portugal and I started spending periods of time working on the small house I experienced something I had never experienced before. Time just for me and with me.
The fact that I was alone many hours of the day, outside of the small village, with no noise but nature and maybe a car passing by every hour. I have no tv there and do not intend to ever have one, and although I have my cell phone and my laptop I stay away of checking the phone except for family messages, plus, I started using silent mode several years ago to avoid constant disturbing. Laptop is only on every now and then for must have online meetings.
I had never expected this "silence" and "away of daily noise live" situation would show up because I was not even aware I was living in such a stressful noisy live, now that I experience it every time I spend some days there I have realized it is probably what keeps me willing to come back so often.
I find a similar thing when in the garden during the summer. headphones on, but not always listening to anything, just using them for the noise cancellation.
Do you think that when you are out there, your thoughts change in some way?
I experience something similar whan biking alone for a long ride.
I usually have the headphones on but my mind goes to ideas and things I usually do not have time to concentrate during "normal" days.
Not that my thoughts change, it is more that the "flowing" with me and my mind brings me to a way better state.
I think we should engineer our lives so that chance to reflect is part of an ordinary day, or week.
Silence is severely underrated in my opinion. I also think that being with someone without feeling the need to fill the silence is another thing that isn't appreciated. I have a friend who we go camping with and for me just sitting around the campfire listening to music is good enough. I have a feeling he feels different since I am not one for tons of conversation, but again for me, just the act of being present makes all the difference.
You definitely would fit in with the Finns. They wouldn't even need the music - just stare at the fire in uncomfortable silence. They have a term for "just being" they use a lot and they do seem to embrace the silence. But it is changing now, especially with all the digital noise.
When I get talking, that's a different story, but I need to be comfortable with the people or adequately lubricated.
Finns need the "adequately lubricated" for the most part - and they tend to do a good job of getting there.
Haha, perhaps deep down I am Finnish. I think the DNA profiles that my sister did just said 66% England and Northwestern European. Plus a couple other things. 1% Norwegian...
You must be a great skier!
I went cross country skiing once. Other than that, I have never been.
Hope she's feeling better now :)
I'm pretty sure some genuinely do and I'm currently assuming it's some kind of addiction as I have read some people saying/admitting that they feel a need/urge to scroll but a lot of people in that boat would also say they do XD
Also behavioural cocaine like you knew already.
I'm currently assuming we're conflating doomscrolling and infiniscrolling because I do and only recently learned that "doomscrolling" is apparently when you keep insisting on reading more and more and more bad news even when it makes you depressed
Gonna take a few days for this one. She is really upset, as she is going to miss her first ever christening on the weekend.
That is the first I have ever head of that definition! Not sure about that :)
Aww no poor thing :<
LoL I only found out because one of my recent random lunch topics was "why do people like doomscrolling" and most (possibly all?) the articles near the top were defining and explaining it like that XD
I hope you don't mean 'The Bold and the Beautiful' TV series? An extremely cheesy US drama show...
Yes. Exactly that. It used to be on during the day when I was a kid. With not much else on, it was sometimes an option :D
We all need quiet to sort through the issues that life presents us with. When we don't allow ourselves the space to think about those joys and concerns are we teaching our brains to avoid thinking? Does that cause dementia? I wonder.
I don't know if it is a cause, but I do think it plays a part. If we aren't building strong mental bridges, as they fail as we age, the less ways thoughts can travel through.
I suffered a serious mental health break down ten years ago. My experience was that I did indeed ignore that there was "something wrong with me", eventually after hiding it for so long it felt like being in a car crash. So I totsally relate your metaphor of going over the cliff. I became adept at ignoring the subtle shifts, the internal tremors that signaled an impending crisis. The illusion of control, fostered by our ability to keep busy, prevents us from creating the necessary "space to be ill and recover," a space where true healing and resilience are forged.
Thank you for sharing.
I think that we are conditioning ourselves to ignore, but lessening our abilities to notice them at all. We are reducing our personal management skills, replacing them by distraction.
Have you been able to adjust yourself so you don't end up in that kind of crisis again?
I hope so - living life in the quiet lane. Yoga and poetry help. I've also limited the time I spend on news and propaganda.
Greetings @tarazkp ,
What a lovely patient gentle way of presenting an ongoing dilemma of today's culture. So true.
Learning to enjoy being alone with one's thoughts is a life lesson which is not easy to teach and yet one of the most precious. To enjoy one's own company.
I should think this would be valuable for everyone, although as an artist...I find it most valuable.
'The monotny and solitude of a quiet life stimulates the creative mind.' -Albert Einstein
Indeed.
Kind Regards, Bleujay
Perhaps it is necessary to be an artist? Having the space to develop the thought and translating onto whatever medium used. If constantly consuming, where is the space to create?
Thank you for your kind reply.
So true....'Create before Consumption' is a good mantra for Artists. ^__^
Yes....even when taking classes which I do....the thoughts can become crowded.
Kind Regards, Bleujay
THE SOUND, OF SILENCE.. :)
what u said about the body and sickness gave me a thought. i do get sick, but it's not often that I have to stay in bed or am too sick to do anything. I think I release about 1-2% of my sickness every week of the year, if that makes sense. ie. i just pop cough drops and shoot nasal spray for a couple days, but never 'slow down' during a cold. is that normal?
I think our work culture makes it normal - but it sounds like you are doing all the right things to keep yourself fighting fit so to speak.
I don't know what normal is, but I am a bit the same. I am rarely only in bed when sick, but that might be pushed by necessity to do things. However, I also wonder if being lightly sick often is better or worse?
I often notice that when I finally take a moment of silence, that's when the deepest thoughts come to me ;)
I think it might be the only time we can really think deeply.
It is the worst when kids are sick! Hopefully she gets better soon...
Yes - I can't do what I want! ;D
Y'all know getting tht space itself can be a luxury only a few can afford, however I agree tht symptoms must be caught early on and treated for a in a healthy body lives a healthy mind and vice versa. Get well soon Smallsteps 🙂🥰.
Silence is free. One of the only things that is. I think we can all afford it.
I also relate to what you said about getting sick once there’s space to be sick. I have noticed that during busy periods I can push through almost anything, but once I stop, everything catches up physically and mentally. It makes me wonder how much we’re actually suppressing just to function.
Probably a lot. Would be interesting to see what happens if we release it all.
I hope Smallsteps feels better soon. Sending her healing vibes and hoping you get a quiet moment of your own today.
I’ve noticed I also fill every quiet moment with scrolling or noise, and it’s only when things slow down that I realize how much I’ve been avoiding my own thoughts. The link between physical rest and mental healing is powerful sometimes silence is uncomfortable, but maybe it’s exactly what we need.
Will you change your habits?