On a scale of 1-5, with 5 being the most boring, how boring do you think you are in other people's eyes?
And I am not talking about online you, I am talking about physical you, the real you, the one whose face is seen, and can be slapped or smiled at. Not the you who has google support to make you feel intelligent, and all those filters to smooth your skin and hide your flaws.
I am pretty boring.
I was thinking about this when speaking of dating culture today, where there can be a strong disconnect between the personality of the person they talk to online, and that of the person they end up with on a date. But I think these days perhaps, it is less noticeable because both sides are more boring than they used to be, so there isn't much of a gap. I think this might be because people tend to have less real experience, but a lot of digital experience that overlaps. And while it is good to have some things in common, it is boring when there is too much in common.
As said, I am boring. But, I also have okay social skills, so even though I consider myself not very exciting, I tend tend to be able to draw people into a conversation and get them talking about things that they wouldn't normally talk about with a near stranger. And because of this, I end up seeming more interesting, because they end up talking about themselves and their experiences, and I will spend my time listening and engaging.
People are interested in themselves.
Or at least, themselves in relation to another's experience. So for instance, I am "automatically" more interesting in Finland because I come from the other side of the world that most people haven't been to. This means that they are interested in finding out more to see what is different to their experience as a Finn. And even if they have been to Australia, they are interested in finding out whether we have overlapping experiences.
But, I have always found it a bit strange (even though I understand many of the reasons) how a lot of people struggle to talk to people they are supposedly interested in. For example, a lot of guys will struggle to talk to a girl they like and rather than getting to know them a bit first, if they can get up the courage, they will just ask them out. Based on what - their looks?
Looks aren't enough for the majority of women to make that decision though, as they tend to want to be interested in the person. This makes it very hard for a girl to say yes to being asked out by a person that she hasn't talked to. It isn't just attraction, there is likely also a large security element in there also, as women have to think far more about their own safety than a man generally does in the dating sphere. So a guy that just says "want to go on a date?" is likely to get a rejection or ignored - because he is a stranger to her.
And then if there is a date, a lot of people end up having the same kinds of conversations over and over, rather than getting into the weeds of more interesting, more personal topics. With personal being the areas where people can have opinions, like current events, politics and other trigger points. Of course, if the intention is just to sleep with the person on a first date, behaviours might be different. But if it is to see what kind of person the other is before considering on a second date, then it is good to have some more meaningful conversations, rather than a timeline of one's life from childhood.
We are a species of storytellers and everyone has a story to tell. But, just like novels and movies, there are better and worse stories. And one of the most boring kinds of conversations (for me at least) are conversations about stuff from the internet, especially when they aren't giving a personal opinion on it at all. For me, I want to get to know people, not get to know about what kind of content they consume.
The problem for many these days though is that the majority of their life has been spent consuming internet content, so that becomes their experience. It is like those very well-read university lecturer types, who recite passages and ideas from the many books they have read, but have never created anything original themselves.
It keeps them safe.
There is safety in using "third-party" content as the source of experience, because it doesn't require opening up personally to judgement. Vulnerability is interesting when it is about sharing personal experience, because it opens up for judgement and preference - it is a trust position, without having the trust first. The thing to remember though, is that one doesn't have to have travelled the world to be interesting, because there is interesting things to experience everywhere.
What an interesting person is capable of doing however, is telling the mundane in an interesting way, with interesting inflection and timing, and unexpectedness. It isn't that hard, but it does take practice and a lot of listening to interesting and uninteresting people to identify what are the traits for each.
I used to be good at dating.
Now I am pretty boring.
Taraz
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I am pretty boring, but I have not dated in almost ten years and hopefully no more dating for me :)
The fantasy of dating is far better than the reality of it!
People who don't know me closely, a 4 or 5. I tend to keep to myself and am quiet. Most don't see the "real" me unless they are a close friend.
I'd like to think the people closest to me would say 1 or 2.
This used to be me, I struggled to talk to people. Until I learned to get better at asking questions and listening. Being genuinely interested in people, asking questions, and truly listening to their answers makes it so easy to talk to people.
For sure! This is how I go into it - genuinely curious. It is why the conversations can be so deep and broad, without anyone getting upset.
It becomes addictive getting to meet and learn about new people. It's okay to be boring, they can be the interesting ones!
I find the boring ones tend to be more experienced and more intelligent :D
It is interesting how the digital era has influenced our social abilities, making real conversations seem uncommon. I agree that sharing personal stories is essential for creating stronger connections.
It is strange how we have made being social weaker, as it was once our strength for survival, and likely still is. It is a bit like everyone chopping off their opposable thumbs to make life harder.
I'd have to go with pretty boring. I am lucky that I met my wife when I did. Hopefully I don't have to ever deal with that again!
I hear you. Though, I was good at the dating parts. Finding the right person can be difficult.
Yeah, I probably wasn't too bad at "the chase". I'm not the most attractive, so I had to make up for it in other ways.
This is why we are so skilful now! Just imagine how lacking Brad Pitt must be... :D
Haha, yeah, he's probably really hurting!
I’m very boring and I fucking love it. It’s too much effort being exciting . The people that choose they are very exciting are the boring ones I reckon . There was a study asking people how intelligent they were . The ones who gave themselves 10 out of 10 were the most thick. The ones that gave themselves a 6/7 out of ten were the ones with the highest average IQ because they compared themselves to the like of Einstein and other scholars .
Tryhards. Though I know some people who are unintentionally exciting - they are brilliant.
That is an interesting study. Anchoring matters. I think it is connected to the Dunning-Kruger effect perhaps. The idiots think they know everything.
5, thank goodness.
I bet you aren't - under the right conditions.
I love seeing all the boring people here on Hive interacting, sharing stories, and creating content! Such a boring bunch! Life is much better as a sloth though!
I think you nailed it. Real life brings a lot more vulnerability and 'here and now' judgement. Behind the computer screen, we can pick and choose what we read/decide to listen to, but in RL, we have to deal with life as it comes!
Wait, you mean I'm not the most important sloth in the world? I've gotta be the most important sloth on Hive? Or.. at least in this thread of replies 🤣
!PIMP !UNI
Oops! Using mobile, managed to reply to myself! Silly sloth! Point proven, replying myself into the void haha!
And behind the screen, we can also make up our own opinion on how we are received, often thinking we are more important than we are - while we shout into the void, without replies.
For me, an interesting person connects. An interesting person is joyful, not self-serving or self-righteous, and NOT PERPETUALLY DEPRESSED. Lord I cannot tolerate that. There is far too much to be joyous about, at least in my world there is. I avoid the Eeyores of the world, I become distressed for them. There is nothing to be done for them though, so I just stay away. They are boring, very boring, to me.
Interesting people
You are not boring. You draw people into conversations, seemingly easily. You have lots of Hiveans who find your daily thoughts interesting, so you must be doing something right here.
Which character would you be?
I am boring - I just make it so whomever I am talking to is not :)
To be boring is to bore others, not ones own self, no?
I've been all of them at some point in my life. Wise Old Owl, all his knowing when he doesn't really know. Piglet and Pooh now and then for my gullibility. But honestly I don't think I've ever been Eeyore, not even during my most difficult times. I really don't want to be a downer!
At the moment Jamie won't shut up about the house renos. I am trying my best not to yawn..
Ha! Sounds like me at times. Whatever is going on is the most important thing to talk about :)
Oh gawd it's worse when he tells me what's going on with a show we are both watching.
I'm good at telling stories (and apparently decent at running roleplaying games by extension), learned to include lots of drama and onomatopoeia from my dad's side of the family where they're all...well I don't know about master storytellers but most if not all of them seem to know how to tell very engaging stories XD
it makes my audience laugh or at least be entertained
And that's pretty much it. I got nothing else going on ^_^;
I think Australians in general are pretty good storytellers - it is something about valuing the "yarn" in the culture perhaps.
Laughter is a good indicator. These days, I am good at making people depressed after describing the world I see :D
Going by that I would have more associated it as an "Asian" thing as my generation was the first one born in Australia, the parents' generation are immigrants XD Guess that helped them "fit in" :)
They say that much talk cannot be free from lies, and much wealth cannot be free from sins.
A good conversation requires the ability to talk a lot and exaggerate. Someone like me, who doesn't talk much, seems boring. Instead of beating around the bush and embellishing, I tell it as it is. Naturally, that seems boring. Those who talk a lot and speak well often resort to lying and exaggeration. However, as you said, practice in some areas is beneficial. You can become a good speaker without lying.
Interesting saying!
I do think it is possible to speak well without lying, but then I also think that there can be a huge amount of truth in made up stories. Shakespeare plays are a good example of truth in fiction.
Interesting things, in the everyday between people, are like poetry a way of finding ways to relate to each other, weaving us through meaningful relationships. I hope you are doing much better in the recovery of your legs.
By the way, my sense of humor often surpasses being boring
Greetings.
Good humour makes anyone more exciting!
I can relate it. People seem find me boring because before I seldom to speak. I just observe things.
Why do you observe, and what do you do with your observations after?
I’m pretty exciting. I’m not good with being fun online but offline, I know how to engage with people and talk about topics they should have an idea about
They should know about? Shouldn't you find out first?
You know one topic leads to the other. So yeah, they should know. If they don’t, it’s time to teach
hmmmmmmm, I say 3. IMO I am a 2, but ppl seem too into their world to notice mine.. and I am learning to enjoy myself a lot more.. wiser? age?? the divorce? :)
Thanks!