Last night when I was writing about revenge I was saying how we justify it when we are a victim, and condone it when we support victims seeking it. The problem is, that because we all see ourselves as victims of something, then we are actually condoning revenge for everyone, so that the cycle of violence not only continues, but increases, because each act of revenge creates more victims.
For instance, the attack on Israel a few years ago killed around 1200 people, including over 800 civilians. Since then, the retaliatory actions of Israel have killed over 66,000 people, with almost one third of them being children.
How many new victims have been created?
Maybe none.
Because prior to the attacks in October 2023, all of the people involved on all sides probably already saw themselves as victims of some kind, whether they were oppressed or threatened, or feared to lose their land, house, or identity in some way. It doesn't matter what side the individual is on, they all belong to that all-inclusive group of Victim.
I was reflecting on this in terms of myself, and while I generally don't class myself as a "victim" in the sense that I can do nothing about it, I could definitely claim to be victimized by those who didn't need to be perpetrators. For example, I am a victim of racism from childhood, bullied by children who were taught that people like me were somehow inferior, or a threat. And those teaching parents themselves were victims, because they saw people like me as a threat to their identity, much like what is happening now in the world still.
As I wrote in a comment yesterday:
The opposite of Love is not Hate, it is Fear. All the hate is rooted in fear of loss of something someone identifies with.
And we all live in fear today, meaning that we are threatened in someway, all of the time. It may not be a physical threat, it could be an ideological threat. It may not be a real threat either, but a perceived threat. We are like the schizophrenics who believe that people are following them and trying to kill them, and have voices in the head to retaliate before attacked.
But, revenge and retaliation are on a scale that doesn't have a guide for what is an appropriate level of response. A few weeks ago a mentally ill and violent individual killed an unfamiliar woman on a train because he believed she was reading his thoughts. In his head, he was threatened, he was a victim - so he retaliated to the attack on him.
Fair enough.
Because we live in a world where we have raised how we feel onto a pedestal above the responsibility of our actions, so we can justify all manner of behaviour based on feelings. And we have even been encouraged to react to how we feel, to be our "authentic selves" and do not control our emotions. And because of this, there is no "turn the other cheek", there is only near total immersion into behaviours driven by our emotional states. We feel entitled to behave as our feelings dictate, and as said yesterday, we condone this behaviour in others when they are responding to a threat that we also hold as to be true.
An endless loop of retaliation.
But to break the cycle it takes the "turn the other cheek" approach, where peace, understanding, forgiveness, friendship and love, becoming the guiding values of behaviour. The problem is though, that when only one turns the other cheek, it becomes more oppression, more violence, more victimization and eventually, more retaliation. So turning cheeks won't work, unless everyone turns their cheek to forgive all past transgressions, however terrible, and move on simultaneously. And then, go forward from that point with love only.
How is that going to happen?
It is far easier see oneself as a victim and retaliate accordingly, than as an agent of love that has no desire for revenge at all. It is far easier to hold hate for those who oppress, than to forgive them, befriend them, and bring them into the community with love.
Maybe it is impossible.
As I said yesterday, perhaps we are just violent as a species and there is no overcoming ourselves. But even if this is the case, participating in a race to the bottom of the worst of our behaviours seems to be counter to what any of us would ever want, as no one wants to live in that kind of world. We can do better, but to do so, we have to be better. How we behave defines us, so no matter what your beliefs are, what you claim to be, your individual behaviours tell exactly who you are in that moment.
Look in the mirror.
Are you the person you want to be?
You are a victim of yourself also.
How will you retaliate?
Taraz
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I think a lot of this has to do with fairness too. As I have said in other comments. People seem to think that life in general should be fair and that they are owed something. I think if people just learned to embrace the chaos a little they might not be so quick to blame. They might also find there is less chaos in their world.
100% agree. An eye for any eye seems like it is fair, but it doesn't factor in all of the "unfair" that led to the first eye, does it? The only fair is that the universe doesn't care one way or the other about us.
Absolutely!
I really think we are the.that we are, although not.let's know, and somehow we are all victims of something o.de someone, in this agonizing existential freedom, even in the search of the most precious good like finding the.inner peace, finding authenticity and coherence in the accountability of the purpose and meaning of life. It is like the metamorphosis that in retaliation of our intimate being screams at us "know thyself" and still keep trying.
It's a complicated situation. Turn the cheek approach might work but I think the best solution is sensitisation and enlightenment. When the person who considers himself a victim because of racial sentiments is made to realise that fighting back may not be the best approach. The one dealing out racist treatments can be made not to feel threatened by his victims. It would take a long and tedious effort to achieve this. It seems to me the only viable option.
The desire for revenge begins with everyone feeling victimized. Those who committed the attack in 2023 did so out of a desire for revenge. The opposing side subsequently launched new attacks motivated by this desire for revenge. This pattern will likely continue for centuries. The desire to inflict further harm on the enemy is paramount in the desire for revenge. If the enemy killed five people, you might want to kill ten. This time, the opposing side isn't content with killing five; they want to kill twenty. Instead of justifying revenge, it's possible to break this endless cycle with love, peace, and forgiveness.
It may be unfair to tell someone who's been hurt, "Stop," "Don't take revenge, forgive," but it's also necessary to look in the mirror and ask, "What am I doing?"
Whenever I see “how we are as a species” I am torn. The was a basic design we cannot deny but there is also an evolution (physical, mental & societal) that is undeniable but questionable.
When we used to react either fight or flight because survival was on the line, society (not everywhere I know) has insulated from that having to be the case. Now, we can use our intellect and wisdom paired with ability to contribute to society before we react.
I just like knowing personally that it is easier to hate than it is to love. Sure I have a little hatred and fear in me but I have the ability to regulate that and hate what it feels like to be a victim.
A little topical revenge can feel nice but definitely not a good path to walk all the time.
This is the point where the new world order where everything is governed by an impartial AI calculating the most optimal outcomes for everyone would actually be beneficial...
I agree that revenge only keeps the cycle of pain going. When we see ourselves as victims, it feels natural to want to fight back, but that just creates more hurt on both sides. But what have all once been the oppressor before whether directly or indirectly in the sense that we have all wronged someone before whether through our utterance and deed. No one is actually innocent of it.
I have personally felt wronged before, and honestly, forgiving someone is so much harder than retaliating. But when I’ve chosen peace, I’ve noticed I felt lighter, even if the other person didn’t change. Like you said, it would take everyone turning their cheek at the same time for real change to happen, and sadly, that feels almost impossible.
Still, I believe we can start with ourselves. If I can control how I respond, maybe that small choice can inspire someone else to do the same.
I think real change begins when we decide to choose peace rather than revenge. Although it is a hard decision, it can really make a big impact.
That line about fear being the real opposite of love hit me hard. In my day job, I watch how small charges compound over time, and revenge feels like that, pain earning interest until the balance is unpayable. If we keep centering how we feel over what we do, we end up justifying anything and call it justice, which is kinda like cooking teh books and telling yourself your right because it feels fair :/. Choosing restraint isn't easy, but it's the only way the ledger goes back to zero, otherwise the debt just grows adn grows.
yes.. turn the other cheek.. but we are all human, right? so I still get mad and wish to take some kind of revenge, but it passes swiftly now.. I guess I am older and wiser maybe?? :P