If you mean to go back to school, it was being generally unhappy with my current trajectory in life.
This.
I saw myself being largely irrelevant, with no happiness drawn from the experience.
I feel many are in the same boat, but they haven't got over the hurdle to actually do something about it. They just sit as victims of circumstance.
Meritocracy is the aim right?
I suppose. But the start line is so staggered, I am not sure if balance is possible. I also think that merit alone might not be the greatest indicator, as we aren't able to give value to all parts that are important to us, or the community. This is why in a business we value what we can see and count, and normally all the other stuff is discounted.
I took a big risk in that period. The lady was very pregnant with our son and I was like, "by the way, I'm quitting my job and striving for the seemingly impossible or I'll never be happy."
She was pissed.
Today I had a conversation with that friend that I mentioned. I just randomly saw him out and discussed some stuff with him in a restaurant. He was asking about my progress and after I told him how things have been going he said, "you seem to have a home-run case, you just need to get in front of the right people." Just a simple nod of the hat is sometimes enough to be the encouragement you need to get through the other side.
I attribute my success so far to incremental success. I did not have confidence walking into this thing. I didn't even believe I could do it. I set short-term (small), mid-term (average), and long-term goals. The latter were more malleable in the face of dynamic environmental changes (because life throws you curve balls). The short term were more rigid. They all however worked together towards a goal.
After a bunch of little successes I tricked myself into believing that I could do it, because at some point you have to give yourself credit. I don't think this is a miracle. It's just a product of calculated action. I'm not special. Anyone can do this and I try to encourage every one that I can because it's worked so well for me. I'm not religious but there is a line from the bible that I've taken to heart:
"And whosoever shall exalt himself shall be abased; and he that shall humble himself shall be exalted."
Stay humble. Take chances. Work hard. I can't control the variables that make up "fairness" in the minds of many, but I can control how hard I work for it. There's some degree of luck involved, but at a certain point it only plays a minor role. Also, it's hard to get lucky if you never take on risk.