Thanks for sharing something so personal.
I understand that many with autism have similar issues due to not having the toolset. What I think though is that a lot of people who don't have autism aren't building that toolset these days either, as the way many love through screens takes away the practice and much of the need. Yet, they still have the need to connect with people. Nothing stops these kinds of people building the toolkit, other than themselves.
I have no idea how old you are, but do you think avoidance is a long-term solution? Or, do you think that on the future there will be better ways for autistics to learn interpersonal skills? Body language is a bit like a maths equation, just with physical variables rather than numerical. I have some autistic friends who once those was recognised, were able to get much better at interacting with people, because they broke it down more like a maths game.
The brain is a funny thing.
I am 40 so I view the the whole relationship ship thing as pointless as it has not bought me anything. I am actually writing about it and the title is "At 40, I Have Stopped Expecting Love" I just don't know if I should publish it only in substack or here aswell as it can be very triggering for men who have not healed and keep using women. Substack is female dominant space.
Yes, I absolutely agree that people who are capable are not improving, but the subject is so complex and again, related to relationship traumas, including not safe space to grow up.
It is sad that you have so much bad experience in relationships. there are many factors involved of course, so it take much more than 1000 or so words to really navigate it, but it is always worth having conversations and discussions around hard topics, because they are what cause us so much issue.
As for love, I am not sure if we should ever expect love, but I also think that we should all love. I feel many people have an expectation where they are loved first and then they will also give love, but I think it is just give love, regardless of the reciprocation. Easier said than done in many instances though. But if we are made to express social love, what happens if we avoid relationships and social intimacy?
When it comes to triggering for men, I don't think people should be tiptoed around due to their opinions. It is the same for all kinds of instances though, which is why I treat people pretty much the same (age appropriately) regardless of their various issues. This includes when it comes to various disabilities or backgrounds. Assuming that because someone is male, female, black, white this, that etc they can't handle certain things, is condescending. It is the same with "offensive" words, where assumptions are made on behalf of entire groups that they are unable to control themselves, so have to be protected from certain sounds.
I offer help where I can, but don't assume everyone needs my help.
Most people just don't know how to hold negative emotions in a healthy way and that is what leads to attacks on internet. Very unfortunate.